There is a place in time and space
Beyond the astral plain
Where willows weep in Holy Grace
Beneath celestial rain
Cosmic clowns heal broken hearts
Shattered dreams and broken wings
Where ice draped tears melt like rain
And flow to silver springs
Sandy shores where eagles soar
Above the raging sea
Demons dance on golden stairs
The devils charity
Mourning doves find retreat
Beyond the blood stained gates
Nightmares cease, Peace unleashed
The golden dawn awaits
This place exists far beyond
The diamond galaxy
Soul ties break the anchor chains
And set the captive free
Stained glass alters draped in white
Eternal sacrifice
Tattered wings soar through the night
Now freedom has no price
Wicked saints bear holy horns
From chilling nursery rhymes
Shed disguise, Now purified
Pierce through terrestrial time
Crippled souls seize wings of winds
And float in ecstasy
Submissive slaves strum violins
And reign in hierarchy
Rainbows end in pots of gold
A fortune granted each
Enchanted realm beyond the stars
Where pain can never reach
Fertile souls on barren stones
Line the ivory coast
The mute chant out in harmony
Praise to the holy ghost
Thirsty seeds drink mountain dew
In astral paradise
Where whistling swans swim upon
Melted tears of ice
Fairy tales will all come true
A land of perfect sense
Shameful souls, now redeemed
Return to innocence
The secret to this land of hope
Where faith will never leave
The saving cross bled the key
For all those to receive
.......if only you believe
Author notes
Written November 29th, 2004
A contest entry
- Make Me Cry by twenty-four-reasons.
350 points, ended June 26, 2005, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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It's been a long time since I read this...glad I checked out my bookmarks...
Still beautiful!
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I just love this! Have had it book marked to read and reread when I need uplifting.
Sam
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stuperb
fantasmicific! splediforiousificated! kewlwhip!
very awesome! tres magnific! -
This poem was nominated to enter my contest, The Best of Allpoetry, at http://allpoetry.com/contest/889346
Check it out; this is obviously a popular poem, and you might find my contest interesting! -
This is great I love it, as always you incredible.
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wonderful
This poem is great and so full of hope. It is powerfully uplifting. I love the flow and the word usage. It gave me such a great sense of peace and tranquility. This is possibly one of the best uplifting poems I have read in a very long time. Thank you for the boost of happiness. Great write
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To me the demons dancing and wicked saints and such - refer to the fact that nobody is deserving of this paradise and we all are wicked - but yet forgiven enough to be able to be in this heaven... thanks for the comment!
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This poem was wonderfully crafted with near perfect rhythm and creative rhymes, though I didn't quite understand all the phrases, and the references to "wicked saints" (an oxymoron?), "tattered wings", "demons dancing", and "fairy tales" - also thought "mountain dew" might better have been substituted with some other descriptive "dew" as that phrase has been associated too much with the soft drink. Otherwise, this was a thing of great beauty.
Moses -
wow...that poem was amazingly full of peace and hope. I've never read a poem that peaceful before. I loved how you painted this beautiful, fantisy picture and then said "the saving cross bled the key" that is such a beautiful way of putting it. Wonderful, wonderful poem.
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The thing about this poem that I enjoyed the most was the rhyming. There was just something amazingly captivating and enchanting about it. In fact, the whole poem was enchanting, and absolutely stunning. The imagery was simply miraculous.
Just one thing...in the last line of the third stanza..."the devils charity"...I believe it should be "the devil's charity"...
But aside from that, this poem was absolutely perfect... 
-Emily
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Perfect. Wow your a great awesome writer...I also love you pictures..and nice homepage as well.
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Paradisal. This took me away, beyond the "diamond galaxy" with every word I read.
Stunningly captivating was your imagery. The rhythmic flow was next to perfection. So spiritually uplifting. A pleasure to read and bookmark for a rainy day.
Sam
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I'm sorry i was thrown off by certain things. It was a very well constructed poem and shows a lot of work, work. In the beginning I got lost as the rhyming scheme seemed to change and how some words were repetative. Also you had a couple soft rhymes. Sorry I know I'm being picky but these things just mess with me. hehe. Anyway well penned and good luck
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Wow, this was a very powerful poem. The vocubulary used and how it was used gave me a very good impression. You must really have lots of faith to write such a deep and incredible poem. Keep it up
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This is gorgeous! Very nice imagery, and I loved the ending.
Well written
x -
this is simply a beautiful write with an old poetry feel to it. so classic, beautiful. It made me yearn for such a place. I hope it exists somewhere other then a poets heart.
Fabulous is one of the few words that will sum this up. Simply fabulous.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
This is strange, I already commented on this one. I think it's brilliant.
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As I was reading this poem in my hammock, I couldn't help but feel as though this poem has its good points and its bad points. I'll start with the bad points first. Methinks the graphic at the tip of your poem is much, much, much, much, much to gaudy. It reminds me of care bears. And, rather than having me think upon your words, it made me want to blast No Heart with my Care Bear Stare. Also, I found the style of your work to be too similar to Hallmark Cards. With that said, I do not rule out the honesty and authenticity of your content. I believe that you truly believe -- and you believe that there is nothing better a person can do but to believe. This is admirable. It is one of the reasons why I like U2 so much. However, when writing anything of a spiritual nature, one should conjure a sense of transcendance. This isn't to say that you should contrive anything. It is to say that the sense of God should be felt beyond your words.
ricochet rabbit
president
hammock school of literary criticism -
astoundingly great write
Extremely well written piece, that too quite lenthy! and with beautiful fantastic phrases that are simply adorable and possibly speak high about the poet's prowess in writing poetry of a high standard.One of the best that I have read in the past six years of my association with english poetry.Congratulations and keep up your high profile of lofty execution of word-painting!unbelievable and astonishing piece that seems to take the reader into 'beyond space and fantasy' and then back to reality of those yester-years.Wonderful work, I should say from my heart. -
heavenly rewards, with many wards to reap the joys of being amongst the chosen and the blessed, you have captured some of the beuty and the awe of it all for the small price of simply believing....Artis
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Oh, I believe! Terrific write here and gorgeous illustration. (where do you find your pictures?) I have one applause left, so I'm sending it to you.~vickie
Edited on Nov 30, 10:45 p.m. because ''. -
quite beautiful, yes...(Okay, it, I do have trouble w/centered, sorry, a quirk, as you seem to be quite good and left-aligned is easier on the eyes and how one submits and perhaps you should submit, yes? This seems a possibility for a spritiual magazine, perhaps?)-- in any case, some amazing Imagery and a feeling of a special grace...within this poem, lovely,healing feelings, you know, thank you...also, some wonderful metaphor and simply quite moving as it seems felt by the writer, yes?
m.
Edited on Nov 30, 4:08 p.m. because ''. -
Biblical interpretations aside ~ far out
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Not my idea of what the promised land is like, but i liked your interpretation.I agree with onerios, very eloquent, with some really lovely imagery. I like the ending : The secret to this land of hope
Where faith will never leave
The saving cross bled the key
For all those to receive
.......if only you believe,
very poignant and i like the sepparation of the last line, really effective.
pinkxxx -
I think that as a personal VERSION of the ultimate truth, this was wonderfully wrought and written. The descriptions were heavenly (excuse the pun
), and the emotions clear, strong and pure. Even the flow was surprising smooth for such a long piece. Really, even though I don't see this point of view from the same exact same angle, I can still deeply appreciate the faith and skill needed to produce such an eloquent piece. Very nicely done.
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Excellent!
Very beautifully written. Great imagery. Great flow. -
I don't see why this poem has become a reason of great controvery. Heaven or the afterlife and what it consists of is left up to the imagination and dreams of the living as we wont know until we get there. To me the poem reflects the fact that no one who gets to heaven actually deserves it such as is reflected in demons dancing on golden stairs. From many of the comments left it seems this poem should have gone in the fantasy category rather than spiritual but I dont think Heaven is a fantasy, it a reality. A place where tears do melt and pain can never reach.
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I do appreciate the beautiful phrases in this poem and it really showcases your talent as a writer but "For those who believe" get a trip on the Good Ship Lollipop? I so love Fairytales and so wish there was a Somewhere Over The Rainbow world but I guess as a non believer I fry. I do however respect your right to believe. Keep writing!
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Im new on here...but Im falling in love with this site already. I can picture everything so vividly! I love this poem!
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WOW!!! This is really amazing. It's so uplifting, lightens the spirit and gives me an air of expectancy!
I don't understand the bit about demons dancing on golden stairs and the devils charity though. Do you mean they are trying to enter heaven or what? If you could reply or im me to let me know I'd be very grateful. -
I don't know how I managed to click here- I didn't mean to, but as I have it was an interesting start to my day. The poem read like a hymn, and one of those that you always want to hear again.
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Preferring topics
Promised Land by SegerFan's poem made us order in mind and hope this world will be peaceful and the poetess succeeded briefing all the sort of natural descriptions rightly. -
exsquisite
What extrodinary talent you possess! I must say that I agree with touchof1der 100%! I too read your poem a couple times because after reading the comments thought I missed something. This has to be one of the most beautiful poems I've read. While reading this all I could think was my lord..what breath taking imagery you create. Good Luck in the contest..... ~Michelle~
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I read through this twice. Once before reading the comments and once after reading them. I am surprised, to put it mildly that some people see this as being so off base in its depiction. I guess if all you are looking for is something to knit pic and pull apart, then you will find it. I may not be 100% for organized religion as it exists in the world today, but I am a believer and I did not get all this cold, misguidedness from this at all. Your poem is beautiful and I think you did an admirable job. Good luck in the contest.
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Beautiful words and yes its a very nice piece..but not the biblical heaven I know and have seen. God bless you great fairytale...Good luck in the contest
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7/10 for skill 2/10 for sense and consistancy
This is ...frightening..I've seen depictions of hell more enticing...(as a satanist that isn't very suprising though)...Demons tortured slaves tplaying the violin...a land beyond the astral plane yet an astral plane of perfect sense? Some sense! Freedom without a price...freedom never had a price..that is an illusion of americans and christians..fact is..there is no such thing as freedom..especiually if there is a god (which there is in my humble opinion)...This poem...Is...let's say misguided..If people like this inhabit heaven..This is truly how i see it..only not cold but fiery as close to the sun..then not firey...just hot...At any rate...tahnk you for proving my point..and as i see mrepoet's as well...I bid the adui -
Great!
Great Imagery. I really like this and as a Christian, really appreciate that you will 'paint this picture' for people. Thanks,
Josh -
Wow, that was REALLY good!! It has so much imagery--it seems more like a painting!!
*Claps while her brother looks at her oddly
*
Anyways, good luck in the contest!
Keep it up!!
TheTrickster
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sounds like heaven is cold to me, frozen tears and swans swimming in ice, barren souls on stones by the sea...doesn't sound too great to me....sounds kinda foreign and selfish, there is talk of healing but not much about knowledge or wisdom or even love, you have all these submissive slaves and evil souls that have been cleansed and that freedom no longer having a price, what is the price of freedom exactly? This is a hodge-podge of flowery imagery and jagged phrases thrown in.... if this is heaven I'm glad I don't believe.
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10/10
great description of heaven. a poem as beautiful as this one is i think i deserves some applauses. i can only give you mine but i hope some more will come.
Mourning doves find retreat
Beyond the blood stained gates
Nightmares cease, Peace unleashed
The golden dawn awaits
this particular stanza was the best for me. describing the calm that comes after the storm. the peace that comes after the war. the time living after dying. such a great write and a even more magnificent description of heaven. great write. keep up the good work.
love
micheal -
This poem is awsum!
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excellent
This was an amazing piece. I was entranced the whole way through. The last lines were the most powerful of all. Wow this was astounding!! -
brillaint
wow i love this poem , how brilliant , the imagery and pure feelings , the hope is really uplifting and postive , which is great to here
Fairy tales will all come true
A land of perfect sense
Shameful souls, now redeemed
Return to innocence
wow , i love this idea , its my favourite bit i believe , the fact that everything could be taken back and be set back to how it was is such a wonderful idea , i love it , congratulations on a great write ,
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Beautiful imagery.
~shaitus. -
wow beautiful imagery and uplofting beat! The lines mend together all describing paradise and what it is to be.
There is a place in time and space
Beyond the astral plain
Where willows weep in Holy Grace
Beneath celestrial rain
I think you meant celestial when you wrote that last line but its kewl I still got it *grins* Nice rhythm and the couple pieces of rhyme that ran in between all gave a full description. Very nice I like! -
WOW
IMAGERY diped out and slid over so perfectly, i could realy vizualize the "promise land".this is, wondeful!BRAVO and keep writing with such eloquence!
dazed and amazed, good luck!
paintingmywall -
wow this was beautifully written! Great Write..I love this, this is awesome..
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I love this. Mystical, magical, wonderful. You did a great job writing this. Great great imagery. And I love the picture. I hope you win this contest, this poem is awesome and deserves SOMETHING for its awesomeness. Smile. And keep writing.
- Malificent of Forbidden Mountain - -
I used this background for a poem once, but it had an angel with a broken wing on it. I loved it. Such a beautiful photo!
Your poem is astonding and I see how you have made it this far in the contest. I wish you the best of luck, I was proud to be among you.
I especially liked the line:
Cosmic clowns heal broken hearts
I guess that is because I am a professional clown and thinking that others believe that we heal broken hearts, makes me feel good.
I'm watching til the end here, good luck.
Cheryl
cheers
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Beautiful words, to accompany a beautiful image - Very very well done for this - I like it alot
Peace
Luke
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awesome
this poem is wonderful. very creative write. i enjoyed every word, every rhyme. you have great talent. i wish i could be like you. -
This is truly a wonderful masterpiece! there is a magnificent rhythm in this poem, that fits perfectly with the rhyme!
You certainly did a very well job with this one, and I can only say one thing: keep up your wonderful way of writing!
Leander -
Beautifully presented , and I do not why , but by looking at the picture and then reading and combining the two, for some reason the song" somewhere over the rainbow.........started paying in my head. Best of luck to you , a definite worthwhile read
Reenie
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amazing
this poem was very thought provokative and i examined each stanza carefully as they all fit together almost perectly. The constant rhyming in this piece is brilliant thoughout the entire poem giving a certain 'swing' which made it very enjoyable to read...
my favorite part of the poem was
Wicked saints bear holy horns
From chilling nursery rhymes
Shed disguise, Now purified
Pierce through terrestrial time
and i know from not only this stanza, but from the whole piece that you poured a lot of thought into each stanza making it special and extremely witty. Great write.
take care
with love
--Toby -
A feeling of high exctacy .Deep and thought provoking.
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Just fantastic
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Excellent
Beautifully presented .Made me cry at how beautiful this was I will be book marking it .This I think is the best poem I have read on the site -
Excelent write and structured well.I enjoyed reading it alot.You are a very talented writer.Thanks for the read.Jim
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it's cheering to read a positive write once in a while
i enjoyed this
i think you've done a good job on the rhyming... some spots seem a little forced but that could just be my preference. i have such a difficult time writing rhyme and when i do it has to be perfect in my eyes. nasty habit of being perfect to myself i have
i love the pic... i was surprised to see it! i've had mine for years and have used it often on greeting cards i make. it fits perfectly here -
Fantastic!Loved the flow of your poem and I ,marebel wrote a similar HOPE poem.Keep writing.Beautiful
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The archaic rhyme scheme is very suitable for this subject. Nicely written but as is wont for pieces of this length some lines came over as forced and as such broke the rhythm.
Beautifully and passionately rendered just the same.
A question though: Once there was a being who had it all and existed in this paradise. Yet sin got to him in the form of envy and out he was cast after he lost the war he instigated. If this place is so perfect and good, how could that happen? -
This is beautiful, the rhyme, the artwork, everything fits so perfectly together. I loved reading this. There is not much more that I can say besides that this is very awesome and I am for sure going to be reading more of your work in the very near future. Thanks for sharing. Wonderful!
Tiffany -
wonderfully beautiful
masterfully constructed... rhythm and rhyme scheme are excellent. you write with such an elegance of style and fluidity of grace that i have found uniquely unparalleled. your works are diamonds shimmering with internal fire. superb write here. beautiful.
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