When I'm lonely,
when it's dark and quiet,
these thoughts flood in.
All the should have's,
and why didn't I's.
All those years . . .
I should have written more poems for you.
I should have never made you feel alone.
I should have surrendered to you, completely.
Why didn't I stop you when you left?
Why didn't I allow myself to love you
the way you needed to be loved?
I gave you everything I had
but sometimes everything
just isn't enough.
I know that regret is foolish
and serves no purpose
but my soul is not so sure.
It seems like forever
since I looked into your eyes,
yet I see you everywhere.
This world is full of your spirit.
And if I traveled ten thousand miles
in any direction,
I would find you there, too.
It seems like forever
since I heard your voice,
felt your touch.
Yet you return to me constantly
in dreams
and I cry with the relief
of holding you again
until I awake alone,
my soul laid open,
desolate and frightened
of growing old without you;
of not being there
to take care of you.
All the reasons we parted
don't seem to matter
in the dead of night.
And it is clear to me then
that my soul is much wiser than I am.
But when the sun rises,
I am a fool again.
A fool
wandering through his life
and wondering what it's worth
without you.
Author notes
Written November 25th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Missing someone? by Honeydew.
300 points, ended May 30, 2005, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You're a heartbreaker by Little Miss Sunny.
475 points, ended June 11, 75 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 61 of 61
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this is a very relatable poem, filled with emotion. It was the longest verse in the poem that really got me, I must admit i got a bit choked up.
Great flow to the poem, I like how you opened with what you should have done. Hindsight, heh?
Great write, thanks for entering.
Sunny
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Wow, this is very sad and I can definatly relate to a lot of what you wrote especially the " I should of" or "Why didn't I" thing....all we can do is to try to focus positively because I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves anyways and truly they knew how we felt about them! Great write and congrats on your trophy!
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Congrats, Mark...a Beauty~full write...a well~deserved win, my Friend...
Wanda
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Just thaught Id let you know I tried to applaud your poem but it wouldnt let me!! Sorry Said there were errors in processing this page! Angela
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BEAUTIFUL WRITE!!!!!! So So Deep it really touched me!! So sad!!! All I can say is this is a beautiful write!!! Good Luck in this contest your in!!! Angela
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This is the most touching piece I have read in some time.. bought tears to my eyes..great job!! very lovely..I'm sure we can all relate to this at some point in our lives..again beautiful write....god bless ..honeydew
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well I miss talking with you too hope all is well I will be back in a couple of months like I used to be around here. but for now I only check in about 30 min once a week
miss you
~Lena~ -
Hi Tisha,
Thanks for your thoughts on this one. This one in particular -
"No matter which road I travel, or how long I travel it always seems each road eventually leads me back."
I can tell you know what I was getting at in this poem, and I'm sorry you do. Regret is a terrible thing, isn't it? I hope you've found someone to offset it. It's a bad place to get stuck. The worse thing about looking back is it makes people miss what's right next to them.
Thanks again,
Mark -
moonstar,
Thanks! I'm glad you liked this one. I'm going to pop over to your page tomorrow and see if you've written anything new lately. I hope so! It's 1:30 A.M. here now though, and I am wiped out. lol Burning the midnight oil again.
See you soon,
Mark
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Hi Lena,
Just reread your comment on this one and wanted to say thank you. You're so right. I miss chatting with you and hope you're doing well.
Mark -
If ever I related to a piece of poetry, it is this - wow...the memories this brought to me - sometimes everything is not enough...because we simply do not hold it...but to seperate, gain knowledge and still wonder is so bittersweet, almost doesn't seem fair...still life has it's seasons and reasons...which make is so rich...
Though very far from the one I speak of , it seems no matter which road I travel, or how long I travel it always seems each road eventually leads me back...hummm....
Sorry for my rambling - this really moved me...I am sure it is close to your heart as well.
Thanks for sharing and kudos for being so honest and open!
take care
Miss Tisha -
whoa
the style here is amazing
the concept "that you regret for what you have done" flows well in this one
though it wasn't a symmetric rhyming
yet
the climax hits hard with these lines
But when the sun rises,
I am a fool again.
I see many interesting words too
which gives a painful impact in the stanza
It seems like forever
.....
the questiong form here is impressive
over all
nice effort
Edited on May 13, 10:41 p.m. because ''. -
Wow,this is such an awesome poem. You had me in tears. Terrific job on the poem. Keep it up.
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This pain is one so many of us can relate to, and you've express it eloquently and accurately. This is beautiful, Mark!
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Excellent!
That was all the thoughts of my works and it's killing me softly... well... in life we have to deal with every decision we made even if it's driving us crazy or a 'regret' in the end which is really, really hard to surpass yet...THAT'S LIFE!!! And it sucks!!! -
And so your heart and soul lay there open for all to see. This was beautifuly written and not only conveys your emotions but allows others to relate. I like the part All the reasons we parted
don't seem to matter
in the dead of night.
To me it says so much, Sometimes the loneliness of missing someone so much seem to over power the very reasons your not together and makes you wonder if the very reason your apart was really as big a deal as you made it.
love and hugs
~lena~
Edited on Dec 07, 2:48 p.m. because 'cause I can't spell
'.
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Mark,this is such a heartfelt poem..i liked this this piece very much...
And it is clear to me then
that my soul is much wiser than I am.
But when the sun rises,
I am a fool again.
wonderfull job!
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When you bare your soul and get kind and supportive words, there is no therapist that can do that for you the way that friends can, is there? I'm glad that this was so cathartic for you.
Hugs,
Kerry
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Kerry,
Your response, GM D's, and some others here are exactly why I decided to post this poem. It's always easy to write about society and things outside of ourselves, but the personal stuff is a lot harder to share. Bad writers think, "I can't write that. What will people think of me?" Good writers bare their humanity so others can relate to them. As Neil Simon put it, "As soon as you start editing yourself, you're a candidate for mediocrity." So I'm glad I did. Your response alone made it worthwhile.
I don't think you're alone in your tendency to write when you feel extreme emotions. One of my favorite writers, Richard Bach, wrote, "I am a writer as rarely as possible - when forced by an idea to lovely to let die unwritten." Who knows what compels writers to make a record of their life's events? All I know is writing an honest poem and getting supportive feedback, advice, etc., is better than a year in therapy. lol
Thanks again,
Mark
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Hi Malishez,
Thanks for reading. I hope things work out with you and your boyfriend.
Mark
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distantpoet,
Thanks for your comments on this. Don't sell yourself short. You're a wonderful poet. I'm glad you liked this one. The personal poems are always the hardest to post because I get that "exposed" feeling, like walking through a shopping mall naked or something. lol But it's always worth it because of the feedback. This is an issue I'm working on right now so third-party perspective is very welcome. Gotta get out of my own head as often as possible, you know? It can be a bad neighborhood in there. lol
Thanks again,
Mark -
A sad but beautiful write my friend. Very heartfelt words that paint a very painful picture. I was here once but thankfully things worked out in the end. I think you've touched a lot of people with this write. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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This poem is just so wounderful!
Am am going through something extremely similare and it hurts I know it does. I wnat you to know that you are not alone in this. I and may others will be here to comfort you.
Keep up th great work
~no1special~ -
Bravo... there is such devine characteristics within this poem that jump out with raw expression. I also, am impressed with this poem... (I'm working right now, and need to run-I will be back in a bit, with more for you...) Hugs, Liz
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I haven't even got any freebie claps left but I am applauding this anyway. Actually bought a lump to my throat because I am feeling the same things.
The lines "It seems like forever
since I looked into your eyes,
yet I see you everywhere.
This world is full of your spirit.
And if I traveled ten thousand miles
in any direction,
I would find you there, too."
and
"you return to me constantly
in dreams
and I cry with the relief
of holding you again
until I awake alone,
my soul laid open,
desolate and frightened
of growing old without you"
I am sooooooo empathising although it hurts me to think about it so I will shut off and think about it later at night as you do.
Life goes on but memories still hurt and you have described this so beautifully here.
I am truely impressed by your words.
I am sending you applause and a hug
Keep writing. Your talent is obvious.
Beck
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Honest and Beautiful
Hi Mark,
There is nothing cliche about honest and heartfelt feelings and expressing that vulnerability. I thought it was very, very sad, expressed beautifully, and echoes the thoughts of all of us...if only...I should have...I only I had known then what I know now... I know this one to be intensely personal and I would be very loathe to ever criticize someone's personal feelings expressed. It's a growing experience, realizing that you might have done something differently, but to risk another cliche, we do the best we can at the time with what we have (most of us do anyway). Like you say, happiness comes when we decide upon it. That isn't to say there will never be sadness again, it would be foolish for human beings to deny themselves the whole experience of life, which includes all of the polarities, the joys, the beauty, AND the ugliness and sorrow. For if there were no sorrow, how would we even know what joy is? Anyway, regrets are important inasmuch as they teach us what we can improve on the next time we have another chance to act on our newly gained wisdom. I realized tonight that I am only inspired to write by extremes - I used to think it was only when I had intensely sad feelings or anger, but realized it is actually extremity of experience that inspires me - including nature's violent weather, intensely blue skies, earthquakes and disaster, heartache AND joy. I think it's important to live life fully in all its glory, which is why we quarrel a bit philosophically about happiness. I don't mean one should ever REVEL in sadness or water and grow it from seedling to large oak tree, but to deny the experience of living fully is to not really live. I loved GM Ds comment above about the melting of nature and how important it all is in the cycle of life, that nature does not regret the earthquakes and melting of polar ice caps, for it is only one contraction of the universe leading to the next expansion, which is how I think of the human mind, contracting, expanding, contracting, expanding. There is no cliche about that. I loved your poem in its brutal honesty.
Luv ya,
Kerry
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This is absolutely beautiful. It was so sad and I loved it. I could never understand how a person can feel that way about anyone. This just shows me men can really feel that way. It really touched me. Thank you for writing this. It made me so sad. There was so much feeling in this and I wanted to cry too. Typical seeing as I'm not emotional. This was so powerful. Great job.
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WOW!!! Oh my gosh... This is truly genuine, or at least it comes across that way. It kinda hit me, as I read my mouth dropped cause it kinda seemed like something my uh I don't know what he is right now but yea it seemed like hwta he'd say & has been truly to say all along. You almost brought tears to my eyes. In other words Great job & keep up the good work.
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Hi Maddie,
Thanks for the support. It's always interesting to me how one person can love a poem and the other hate it, or just consider it very blah. When I read a poem I like, I just assume everybody else will like it, too. But it just doesn't work that way. Tastes vary. I'm pretty impassive about responses to my work - both good and bad. It's sort of like that old expression, "Whether you meet catastrophe or triumph, treat those two impostors exactly the same." We do what we do, then it's out of our control. Anyway, thanks for visting, and for the kind words. I hope all is well on your end.
Mark -
In light of the line above, none of this came across as cliche. There is so much sincerity behind the words, that it just comes across as "real". Pretty much how we talk to ourselves when we stop and realize the depth of a loss. When we feel that full weight of their absence. Well written, and frank. But then, that's what I KNOW I will find when I read your work. Excellent piece.
Maddie -
QR,
A friend of mine said that most of my work is accessible without the use of World War II encryption devices. My goal is always to communicate clearly, so I run the risk of coming off as cliche to more abstract writers. I do agree that one line is cliche - about everything not being enough sometimes. That's a pretty bedraggled expression - but it's how I felt so I used it anyway. Lazy, I guess. haha Thanks for stopping by.
Mark -
this is sad but kind of cliche...it did remind me of a popular song, originally elvis but 'fantastically' covered by the pet shop boys - you were always on my mind - so thanks for reminding me of an awesome song anyway
peace -
O wow - beautiful poem. You've taken true emotions that everyone has felt before and some have said - but you express as a true poet - you bring immense beauty and depth to simple letters. Painfully beautiful and heartbreaking... the last few stanzas are Wow. Awesome, job, i can relate - and just so touching!!!
cheers
~christina -
Nice
Very nice. This poem sounds like one of journal entries (especially the beginning - "should haves and why didn't i's"). Sounded a little drawn out towards the end; like the poem had ended at "that my soul is much wisder than I am" but you wanted to add more. -
exsquite beauty in motion
You did it again! Your words seem to pull away from the screen and float like music notes in the air,one by one like a magnet to the heart just wrap themselves around the heart and squeeze.There you go pulling those heartstrings again! About Groundhog Day, the point was that he had to keep doing it over until he saw his mistakes and correct them. Life IS like that. When you go to bed and you play it over in your head until you get it. Your soul is wiser!And it already showed you the mistakes. And the best part of waking up to tomorrow, is that you DO get the chance for "do overs". But with the added gift of taking that love to a whole new level,it gave that love a deeper meaning and appreciation for it. You quite literally just rose up a notch. -
Poetry
Hmm... remorseful,
yet tasteful, and well
worded, honest. -
I dont even know what to say. I fell in love withsomebody about two years ago..and I havent stopped loving him, while I havemoved on there is always this thought of *what could I have done* But then I realise there is nothing I could have done and he is with somebody else now and its over. Longing for something you cant have forever is a waste of time and sanity..a friend told me that once and it helps me cope, You poem though touched me deeply just bcasue i could relate to every singe word..Ive even moved out of the state to get away from memories and they still haunt me. This was a beautiful poem..and writting poetry for girls is sweet :0) We like it very much hehe. thanks fr sharing
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How totally true your words ring to my ears. I felt as if I were in the middle of this. I hurt for you because you do. There is someone out there who will dull this sharp, heartwrenching ache into a dull memory. It shows in your words how deeply and completely you can love. You deserve the best, have patience, the best is yet to come.
Edited on Dec 26, 8:45 p.m. because ''. -
love
omg best lines ever are
"It seems like forever
since I heard your voice,
felt your touch.
Yet you return to me constantly
in dreams
and I cry with the relief
of holding you again
until I awake alone,
my soul laid open,
desolate and frightened
of growing old without you;
of not being there
to take care of you."
keep it up
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Fantastic write! The tone and subject of this piece remind me of many of my own poems. I'd love it if you'd check out "In Love Alone". Best of luck with your heart situation. I'm looking forward to reading more of your poems. Take care!
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This is so beautifully written, I like this alot, so much emotion, so much passion still for this person, It was so well written i felt like i was the one going through it.. this is so good, great write! Dont get discouraged
Edited on Dec 03 because ''. -
Oh My Goodness! Someone pass the tissues please. Not much moves me to tears but this piece is just so absolutly beautiful. It spills with such loneliness, regret, love, longing. I read something like this and I just wish I had a small portion of your talent for my heart is breaking for the writer. Lovely lovely piece! Breath Taking.
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'...I should have written more poems for you.
I should have never made you feel alone.
I should have surrendered to you, completely...'
'...All the reasons we parted
don't seem to matter
in the dead of night.
And it is clear to me then
that my soul is much wiser than I am.
But when the sun rises,
I am a fool again.
A fool
wandering through his life
and wondering what it's worth
without you.'
Ohhhh, Mark...I weep for the depth of Pain you feel...& the Beauty you've shown expressing this Love you've had...& I cannot say I don't understand...I do, all too well...My Friend...all we can do is all we can do...everyone does the best they can with what they have, at any given moment...I'm sorry for your Grief in this loss, my Friend...I don't know what else to try to say to you...except...I am here, if you need a Friend...always...my shoulders are broad...she must have been something quite special, to have so captivated the Heart of such a Man as you...Love you, my Friend... Wanda
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the beauty in this is that you are aware of loving and having been loved.the pain is there but the acceptance is what has begun to ease the pain.time will work the miracle needed for you to come back.you have penned your feelings in such a poignant fashion you have already captured a dozen hearts.you are a wonderful artist.
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Excellent
This is a truly beautiful poem. I feel alot of emotion as the words flow through my mind.
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This is a very real, very passionately forlorn bit of writing fused with all the love, regret and colours that make up good writing. Very well expressed indeed
Uncle David -
Standing ovation!
I love Groundhog Day too! I can watch it over and over and always see something I missed before. I get caught up in the fantasy of being able to keep fixing things till I could get it right. What fun! This poem is sincerity at its best. You have done a superb job of word-blending, Mark! I commend you! -
Beautiful poem. It is so moving, I can feel how personal it is. I really love your poetry. I always find a way to get into it like I love to do with anything I read but rarely can. Beautiful write. I only wish I could write poetry as well as you do. You convey your feelings so much better than I can. As I said before beautiful write.
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That was so beautiful...I can relate so well. Great write as always Im speechless. Peace & Love, Shannon Rose
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Hi Maureen,
Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies. It tackles a very interesting question in a humorous way - If we could live forever, would we become better or worse? I love the way he changes from selfish to kind as the movie progresses.
So true also about making mistakes before we get it right. It would be nice if we were all born enlightened, wouldn't it? lol
I always appreciate your comments. Thank you.
I hope you're having a happy Thanksgiving, too.
Mark
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Heart-touching poem. Hindsight is 20/20. I watched "Groundhog Day" today. I've seen it many times. I never get tired of it. It took Bill Murray countless days and countless mistakes to finally "get it right". Unfortunately, we don't get to keep redoing mistakes we've made but every day we can still try to "do it better". Best of Luck in Love and Life, Mark. You deserve it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Maureen
-
Hi Master Baird,
I know I thanked you privately but thanks again for the great response to this, and for the advice. You're right, and I know it. Thanks also for always telling me what I need to hear, and in a kind way. I've always considered that to be one of the highest qualities of a true friend.
Mark
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Good point, Amanda. Thanks.
I hope you're having a happy Thanksgiving.
Mark -
Don't give up on love, Sara. And please don't let this poem discourage you. Love, like life, is mostly what we make it. The pain in this poem is my own doing, and only I can undo it.
Love,
Uncle Mark
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Well, nature keeps melting snow to make ponds, rivers, lakes.... look at the beauty and life that occurs when this process takes place.
It's stunning.
Wildlife, waterfalls....... crickets.... all existing because of it. In fact, all of life benefits from the melt! Amazing huh?
It's ok to melt Mark. In fact, the sooner the better. Nature doesn't fear it cuz it knows the beauty that lies ahead. It knows the life ahead..... it knows that the thirst of nature is quenched and therefore willingly melts to be part of the entire process. Awesome!
To blend with nature's lessons..... that's the zen monk thing and would serve you well now. You will nourish what is around you as well as nourish yourself along with it (for a change) Nature doesn't fear the melt.... it embraces it...... use nature as your teacher.......... and then be the best student you can.
The cool thing is..... if you melt and it doesn't work out.... you can always "unmelt".......
Many blessings Mark. It's time to let down.... it's time to let go..... and embrace all of life right from the center of it. Then you can live in the present instead of the past.
Now look:
The result of not melting for you is: an old single man without family nor children; a warped cane; possibly a grey hobbling dog still trying to protect the yard; and echoes of your mistaken choice in the middle of the night........................ ask my Father.... he knows for sure...... his last comment to me was exactly about the choice you are faced with today...... he died a lonely, broken man. Learn from that..... but don't emulate it.
Whew!...........
Should I say... have a nice day?....... now go out young man..... AND MELT!!!!!!!
-
Aw!!! This is so sad! It brought tears to my eyes! Love sucks... I am so cynical towards love, it has hurt me in so many ways, yet I still long for it, this is really deep... I hope you find true love and happiness soon. I love you Uncle Mark! ---Sara
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Heart wrenching...3 tissue boxes ladies!
Beautifully moving, so tender. The heart cries, but the soul, the soul sobs with every fiber of your being. It so hard, so heart wrenchingly hard to let go and move on. Especially when the greatest love of our life has just slipped away. And there we had it for one brief moment, we held it in the palm of our hands, it was ours to mold and create an even greater love. Somehow we let it get away. And the pain that follows that haunting pain. My mother used to say to me, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" It is these times, that I just don't know. It is these times that I think maybe she is wrong, because the pain at having lost this love is far greater than not having known it. Mark, you are one of the few rare men here that when I read your work are able to reach in wrap your words around my heart and give it a tug. No a yank, so that it causes me to have to catch my breath. That you give me the sense that you have just laid your soul bare. I sit here in awe! Amazing talent, truly amazing. A rare gift indeed. Thank you for sharing your world with me. ~Michelle~ -
Regret must serve a purpose otherwise we wouldn't have been made to feel it. Maybe it makes us aware of what we want. Anyways this was very sad and beautiful.
~Amanda~
Edited on Nov 25, 2:51 because 'typo'. -
Hi Mari,
It is personal, and for once, I'm not even going to get into details on this one except to say it's my biggest personal battle. I had a feeling when I finished writing it that this poem would annoy women because there's nothing more annoying than a man who won't commit to marriage, children, the domestic life, etc. Right? But this poem is one of the ways I'm "doing the work".
Thanks for being the first one to read my work yet again!
-
Aww this is very sad..makes me wanna cry just thinking about it...When you yearn for someones touch or just want a kiss and you cant get it...It's the worst feeling in the world...
-
That is sad...when those questions start to echo in our mind, then it's, most of the time, too late to get back what we lost.
I wonder why so many men let love slips away from their hand and after get sad about it. Women can't wait forever for the 'sign' you know...
Anyway my friend, don't listen to me, maybe you'll still get a second chance to show her your love (IF this poem is based on your personal feelings)
Kisses,
Mari
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