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Masturbation

I know who you guys are...

There are some things that you should and should not do when you masturbate. Masturbation is an art form that must be perfected and developed meticulously. You take your time and everyone has their own method.

Do: Use food when you masturbate...hey..some people really go for that.

Don't: eat after you masturbate...I did that once and I had a nasty ass cramp...wait a little after you eat too.

Do:Masturbate in the shower. Its just adds a new perspective on things.

Don't: masturbate in the pool. c'mon dude that's just fucking nasty.

Do:Masturbate in a circle jerk....no comment here

Don't: get caught. unless you want to, but if its your mom..*points and laughs*

Do: use lots of lube...warming lube..it just makes everything better.

Don't: forget the lube...if you don't have lube..its just not worth the chaffing.

I'll have more when I remember..

Author notes

*goes to read erotic writes* I'll have more
Written November 24th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • blooten
    December 14, 2004
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    lol funny how a thing called mastrubation can get 103 views
    Its a good start but there r still many u can add. SO be sure to revisit this and add more. whne u have done be sure to pm that u have. this remindsm e of the humorthey have at the insanedomain.

    this was the best:
    Don't: get caught. unless you want to, but if its your mom..points and laughs


  • Hellcat
    December 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    hilarious

    lmfao...great idea...get everyone thinking about rubbing off hahaha that's all this place needs. well, hilarious write. perhaps you should print out some pamphlets and distribute them at high schools or something. hahahahahahaha cant stop laughing. and for 'a moon on my wings'---duh. i think everyone knows that girlies get down. i mean christ...romantic spice and the xandria collection didnt get started because GUYS were into vibrators!!!! (well, not very MANY of them at least)

  • Sweet Briar
    December 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lmao... I love this.... I know when my mom caught me masterbaute one time I told her hell it is safe sex aint it?? lol...

    Jenn

  • xALONEnBROKENx
    November 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    awesome write

  • jennjenn
    November 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    lol, that was great. u know i always thougth masturbating in the shower was great...little risk of getting caught and easy to clean up, if needed. although in some situations u could be heard easily...i'm also a grl and have a lot of kool options, hehe. great write, gave me kool ideas and images in my head

  • plathishone
    November 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Funny, I'm just sad that the clitoris is being left out. Hey...new approach.


  • American Cowgirl
    November 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This was great. I'm a woman too, and understand the concept of masturbation. LOL. I liked this a lot, it made me giggle! I'd like to see one for the girls. Keep up the good work!

  • trig19shy14
    November 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    lmfao that was brilliant loved it 100%

  • AVoiceWithin
    November 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hahaha..write a piece for the woman!
    Not that I masturbate..
    coughs
    ahem..
    FINE I DO..
    its healthy..
    runs away..to..do things

    Nice write
    Jenn


  • AMoonOnMyWings
    November 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Points and laughs at ac92002. She's not a guy either. NEWS FLASH: WOMEN MASTERBATE *gasps* I like how everyone jumps to the conclusion that you're a man, Lyds. ON BEHALF OF ALL WOMEN EVERYWHERE: JUST BECASUE WE'RE FEMALE DOESN'T MEAN THAT MASTERBATION DOESN'T HAVE BENEFITS FOR US, TOO. DON'T BE ASHAMED TO MASTERBATE JUST BECAUSE SOCIETY TELL US IT'S MORE ACCEPTABLE FOR MEN TO MASTERBATE. TOUCHY TOUCHY, IT MAKES FOR BETTER SEX.
    ~MOONZ

  • fallendreams
    November 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    So funny. I bet this took a few fellas back in time, some maybe as far as yesterday. Too bad there weren't manuals like this when I was younger. I had to learn the facts all on my own. It didn't turn out too bad except all this hair on the palm of my hand. Keep it up, this was just plain funny.

  • ac92002
    November 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Ha ha ha great write... Pretty damn funny too, good thing im not a guy and I dont have to worry about all of that stuff.
    I love the one with getting cought by your mom.. haha
    Good job

  • PaintingParadise
    November 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL Great write, It is very funny. Keep it up. I really like this part.
    Don't: get caught. unless you want to, but if its your mom..*points and laughs*
    Keep it up. Love, Dylan


  • Rodney
    November 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm having my Mom type my comment because for some weird reason my eyesight isn't what it used to be. Mom keeps telling me,'See, I told you you'd go blind.'

    Very cute piece, should write a Masturbation for Dummies book.
    Thanks for the laugh.
    Rodney

1 - 14 of 14