"You think it ain't worth a dollar,
but I feel like a millionaire" -- QOTSA
Not one lick of shine to my gun
Sorry for the face down hassle
I love to fuck, and shoot for fun
But I won't recall when I am done
The substance from the vessel,
Or the lack of shine to my gun
Feel free to scream, or even run
For your life, show me some will!
I love to fuck, and shoot for fun
It was never about who lost, or won,
But rather the flick of virgin tassel
Not the lack of shine to my gun
I robbed, to re-fill, my lack of love Mon-
-Day through Sunday like a festival
Of the Sun playing out death as a pun
On a one night lottery spin for a million.
"Dollars, I don't have...
But teeth, man, I got teeth everywhere."
-- Jesus Christ, circa 3 B.C.
I know what you're thinking
"Wow, that fucker's good..."
Buy the book sun-rising-books.com/juno_s_peacock_1.html
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Author notes
An obvious villanelle,
but yet morphed...
Written November 24th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- give me your best by endoftheworld.
300 points, ended December 27, 2004, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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Wow, this is exellent, you seem to have really captured the kind of human being Jesse James was, I love the way you put in
"I love to fuck, and shoot for fun" and
"Or the lack of shine to my gun"
as the last line for four out of the five verses, it's a very clever way of getting your point across, good job.
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This was quite a thought-invoking read. Good job and Merry Christmas
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I thought it was O.K., but it seemed more like lyrics to me than anything.
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This is quite different than what I ordinarily read, but, it was interesting to say the least, I especially enjoyed the discussion it brought about.
Keep writing. -
Yay.
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I bet you would.
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i really believe it would be fun to work behind a fast food counter somewhere..much better than the stressful work i do...lol
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why are you so touchy, its christmas day..lol..theres this book on the best poems by the greatest poets..hogwash...lol.. i dont claim to be poet, just another writer who plays with words for entertainment but you see, i sincerely believe that poetry is still a means of communication and if you are unable to deliver your message, then you have failed...merry christmas...
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Nothing to do with sex? Fuck! Well, you may take this as an honor or an insult, but one of your poems and the swooning responses it engendered was the driving force behind "Little Johnny Smutmouth and Slut Janey-Jane".
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Jesse James lived on the edge of life. Taking what he wanted when he wanted. Most of the things he did were mere survival. We as society glamourize him as a hero, deep down inside we wish we could be just like him. Doing, saying whatever we want. Good luck in the contest
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It's simple, Jesse James represents our need as a culture for easy money, the phallic gun symbolizes our need for control through fear, and how we coat our entire culture in sexual inuendos like britney's cup size. The wording of the poem travels through the lottery of life
Much as we do. I don't expect you to get it, I'm Greek, and probably a bit more well rounded than you in the sausage factory.
Merry Christmas. -
That's exciting, keep up the great work!
There's a job waiting for you behind a fast-
- Food counter somewhere. -
YEP SORRY... not really but yeah
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fair
"I don't know where I'm goin' but i sure know where i'm goin... on a steel horse i ride." This would be a more suitable quote to add, but ut's your gig. I like the form, but have trouble with some of the imagery here, i.e., the Lottery, and you say it's about culture, and not sex. I've reread it many times and find it either is about addiction, and the gun is not really a six shooter, or i'm just lost. You have some great images here like lying face down hassle, but then the lottery comes up and grounds it. Like i said, maybe it's me. Also, the quotes don't do anything but take me away from the piece. Best of luck and peace,or piece! avi -
This poem has nothing to do with sex.
It's about culture. -
Interesting mix I would have to say. I an not sure where this all ties in but it may just be my inability to read well.
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What's amazing is you're at school, yet you're still border line idiot.
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ho ho, macho was jesse james! or was he really? metaphor or not, by the page layout and theme, it says what it says or maybe i didnt quite get it, duh...lol somehow though your message in this piece merely arouses my pity for the character's inability to discovery the beauty, grace and music in lovemaking, underscore love...the highest level of pleasure...good luck on the contest
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Hah! Splendid piece of poetry. I'd do the whole 'critical critique' crap... but you got everythign right as far as I can see. You bring old westerns to mind... Ya' know.... sitting in front of the television... with my eighty seven year old great grandmother.... watching her drool over Jesse James... yup. Fun times, those were... Thanks a bunch o.O haha
~Amy
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I must be too Cosmic for this kind of stuff. I can't twist my head around it that far without causing serious cranial damage to myself. Could be cause I'm not to fond of guns... shiny or not eh?
BTW... which fucker am I thinking is good? -
a contemporary villianette...it has been a while since i've seen one of those written well. This is great. What I love about this form is that it's really lyric. Well, it makes sense considering its origin but that's not my point. Point is: you've done a good job on this one and I have to agree with one thing especially:"I love to fuck, and shoot for fun" except I don't actually shoot bullets...I go paintballing. close enough!
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Well it's different, think I will take a strong drink ,left me feeling slightly strange.
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well your a cool guy who screwed his fat sister...and uh i need point and a few more critiques i read this and i see how it is like that guys face you see im not even gonna fake it I NEED POINTS you are in a friend of mines contest he was in my econ class i m just sputtering out random stuff now.hahahah goobeldy gobbeldy goobelldy gock four letter words are good for the soul, FUCK SHIT DAMN HELL COCK DICK CUNT... mmmm delicous so jesus said all that eh... when he was...three... cool i said somethign similar when i was a fetus but it just came out as queefs and gurgling noises... HAHAHAHAHA well i havent much more to say this counts as a critique so bye
Edited on Dec 25, 3:44 p.m. because ''. -
HA! I like it, interesting subject, and the quotes, well odd in themselves they do add a touch of flavor to your piece, I like it.
Merry Christmas. -
I don't see a good villanelle every day. Or even twice in a fortnight. BRAVO!
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Like a dildo?
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Jesse james, guns, having sex and Jesus christ, wow! splended piece, old boy! My hat bows to you! <<<<<Spun monkey!
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none
a little too modern for me.... -
This poem made for a rather interesting read. Even with the hint that it was a metaphor for capitalism, it didn't really click in my mind as it should have. It's interesting how you mention Jesse James in the title and end it with Jesus Christ?
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Tidy it up!
Four letter rude words are merely a stop gap for the lack of education.
They do add flavor to a piece like salt and vinegar on fish and chips, but used in excess can also cause ruin.
However good luck with future writing.:0) -
Tidy it up!
Four letter rude words are merely a stop gap for the lack of education.
They do add flavor to a piece like salt and vinegar on fish and chips, but used in exess can also cause ruin.
However good luck with future writing.:0) -
stick to making paper dolls
Ha ha !!! ask him when he ain't pissed as a cricket :0)
but when he's sober he will not remember it? nes pah! -
Thisi one went clear over my head, and I think maybe the head of the late Mr. Howard.LOL
Regards,
John-Las Vegas -
I have no clue, but no more than
300 I'd imagine, I'll sell about 2500
in three years if I'm lucky, and that's how poetry
goes, but with the internet nowadays you
never can tell. I'll tell you what, give me your e-mail
I'll send you an original manuscript in e-mail
if you like it, buy it. -
Going to ask for a copy of your book for Christmas. How many have you sold so far, if you don't mind my asking?
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Hmmmmmm... for some reason, this was a complete surprise to me. I don't know what I was expecting. I never would have imagined this kind of take on Jesse James. Thanks for giving me a new perspective.
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done that
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Get nude.
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It's a metaphor for capitalism...
Like your face. -
What are you talking about in this poem? what the hell is going on, what's going ON? what do you mean by "shining his gun" is he jacking off ???
stay in touch, please answer my questions
-H.trueblues -
indeed.
not really familiar with villanelle form, but looks pretty interesting
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Villanelles repeat, and normally, you want it to be something simple yet poppy. this poem carries a much deeper undertone though I think you are missing. that being, capitalism sucks.
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enjoyed reading, full of personality, unique structure, the double line fuck/fun kinda bugs me, seems like someparts you put alot of brain into and other were just winged,
no matter what it is good write thanks -
What I am thinking is this guy is on the edge. He writes in a form sort of, and uses biting words and all. Actually I like that you did not strictly adhere to the villanelle, but in fact took your own tack. i also like that you do not strictly call it a villanelle and thereby try to pass it off as something it isn't quite.
I see we both like to bend some rules of form...
Yours are bent a little further than mine..
Susan
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