I'm trying so hard right now
Not to lose control
I'm trying so hard
Not to just scream
I'm trying so hard right now
Not to cut a million times
I'm trying so hard
Not to die inside again
I'm trying so hard right now
To think of others
I'm trying so hard
Not to worry them
I'm trying so hard right now
To be as strong as I can
I'm trying so hard
Not to just let go
I'm trying so hard
No promises, no guarantees
We'll see what happens later on
We'll see if I will bleed
I'm shaking, I'm breathing hard
I don't know what to do
All it could take is your voice
But even that's forbidden
I'm alone in my dark hole
With just that gleaming blade
Alone with no way out
Let's see how long I last
Let's see if this can pass...
Author notes
Don't cut. Seriously. Ever.
Written November 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Allow the pain to escape from within by PureAmethyst.
350 points, ended January 21, 2005, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Your words just jump out and slap you in the face. This is a truly beautiful poem. I'm truly sorry that times were like this...but again the ink that flows from your pen is three hundred million times prettier then the red that flows from your body.
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This is a very powerful piece for a very powerful struggle. It reminds me of past pains, pains of others and of self, and I commend you for expressing it so boldly. You captured the feelings excruciatingly well.
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Wow, I see so many of my feelings here, I can empathise totally this is so painful to read but only because the voice reading is my own, great work
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The will to stop, to prevent yourself from doing it... It can be done, it really can but you can always slip back into the routine of the old ways.... xxx
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The author notes are brilliant, but unfortunatly cutting is like a drug, once you start you can't go back.
The idea of hearing the forbidden voice really struck me, that's when I thought of ~Her~ voice and started to cry.
Thank you for such a deep poem, I know how it is to try so hard not to cut and wish even harder that the urge will pass. I've offered alternatives in the past, I try to help so many others in the same situation as me and I feel so guilty when I sit on my bed and bring my blade box out. I feel even more guilty when I'm wearing long sleeves for the next week or so
Great write. Truly.
SLAM.
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I haven't cut for over two years. A couple slips, and that's it. If you really want to quit, you can, but you have to really want to, for yourself more so than others. If it makes you feel so guilty, I don't understand how you can even bring yourself to do it. For me, the guilt wasn't worth it.
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This is such a breathtaking poem...i honestly felt your desperation - know the feeling of trying and trying, but knowing that the result will be the same as before...again. Dark content, good choice of words for repition, lots of emotion and suspense. The only thing i think you could change to make this poem better would be a few of the words cos they made it a tiny bit harder to read and so interrupts the flow a LITTLE - just instead of writing "to just not" you could try "not to just", seems to read a bit easier. But this is an awesome write, hold your head high...and stay out of that dark hole!! PA
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Hm... I dont really know what to say. There isnt really much -to- say. But it is a great poem, and i wish you the best of luvk. And thank you for your komment on my other poem.
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Stay strong and you can succeed.
I hope this passes... but if it doesn't please don't go deep and dont do it a lot. You are a wonderful person that deserves the chance to live happily
~~Jessica Erin
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