Once upon a time
When riding up the
Mountain in the back
Of a pick-up truck
Wasn't yet illegal,
But still regal, I
Heard the thrust
Of Woodpecker
The intense rattle
Of Diamond back
The surge of snow
Melting in the sun
What fun it must be
To see the creek
This full, and your
Children grow wild
Like Boysenberries.
Did you know my
Grandmother's ashes
Are part of this scene,
And her son (Uncle Donny)?
I remember hanging
My hand into freezing
Water, cutting 'tween
Fingers, and giggling,
But I could not have
Predicted then, death
Or sorrow in shadow
Of rock and beauty.
Now, I run like water
From the sun, back
Home alone to
Heartbreak, under
The spell of stars
And promise.
Author notes
Written November 23rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- A time of pain by Calentice.
500 points, ended April 16, 2005, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Great expression of memories passed and of seemingly simpler times. I can feel the cold rush of the river's waters (being here in Colorado).
thanks for sharing! -
I just now got this joke.
The devil's in the details. -
being from texas, I love poems that speak of pickup trucks and momma or grandmother and creeks you can dangle your hands in and feel the cold water cutting 'tween your fingers.
what I really like best in this poem is your use of irregular interior rhymes. you do it masterfully, making them smoothly unobtrusive.
an excellent poem, Jeremi. it has heart and feeling, a softness of soul that you usually try to hide. thank you for writing this one for my contest. I really enjoyed it.
~travis
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Can you say "stalker"
Happy thanks giving, by the way,
save a turkey, screw a lamb. -
why would someone do that? what do you get out of it? I mean, if she was selling them I could understand, but she has a pussy. why not just sell that and make 100x the money?
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I can't find it, weird?
Anyway, this chick ripped off like 4 of my poems
word for word, AND KEPT THEIR TITLES, and put
them in her name. Tell me that's not a riot.
I got to thinking... That's great advertising. -
hows about that link?
-
i dunno...ovaries?
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Totally, I told you I boffed her right?
Anyway, so last night, I'm minding my
own business; when along comes this person,
that delivers to me a certain link to this
'obvious' teenage girl's poetry "Ovarian11" or
some shit, and guess what I find?
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yer mom is hot
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but of course.
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Want to see something funny?
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Nay, 'tis screen in screen action on a chiseled cinder block.
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it's a paddleboat teetering on a used salad fork
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It's a TV balancing on a rock hard penis.
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Very interesting. I really like it. It's a very touching story. I like it. Really. Keep up the great work.
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beautiful write...the picture adds alot to the poem. I remember what it was like to trample through nature...of course, I also remember how dangerous it is (I remember picking raspberries not knowing that a giant blackbear was on the other side of the bush with her cubs...yikes!)
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great
I really like this poem its great . You did an excellent job of putting the picture of the stream in my head 2 thumbs up
~jazzy -
That's my mother, and I.
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great
Beautiful poem and some pretty woman on the picture too
Good luck with the contest -
Thanks Ed...
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it sparkles like the back of a spoon, flickering in the candle light. amen. -10-
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