Proud Venus shines on a knight vainly searching
Through lonely days of rain, snow and hail --
In desolate wilderland, honor besmirching,
Sealed to the trail of a dream, and a Grail.
He knows full well that the end may be dreary,
His hopes unfulfilled, the ending uncertain,
Still he plods on, fatigued and bone-weary ...
The future a mystery, a nebulous curtain.
Yet golden light glinting as day draws to close,
Beckons him onward, through trials and grief.
He yearns for a taste of the dew on the rose.
And envies his Lord's final words to the thief.
Still ... he knows, though the end be in tatters,
That life is, itself, the journey that matters.
Published in Challenger International Quarterly, June, 2004
Author notes
You can't make a place for yourself under the sun if you keep sitting in the shade of the family tree. (This is about someone who didn't sit in the shade.)
Cricketjeff says this is a "complex termeter", but can be read in tetrameter. He should know.
I do not use formal meter for sonnets, i.e. iambic pentameter, but this is a sonnet nonetheless.
This is a Shakespearean sonnet. It is dedicated to Dan Brown.
I intended the poem to be a commentary on life in general, regardless of the initial inspiration for it. I think I succeeded. Obviously, many agree with me.
ecrivain01
Written February 20th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Open to Allpoetry #129 Poems on Arthurian Legend by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended November 7, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sonnet Contest! by KnightOfTheRose.
550 points, ends December 8, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I'm not surprised to learn this one was published, Scribe. Deservedly so, too. You know,
I think, that I am rather fond of the sonnet form, although it seems to be beyond my own talents.
I have done them in the past, but uncomfortably.
I also love anything to do with King Arthur and the Holy Grail...anything to do with knights, fair maidens, jousting, etc. Thank you for entering my contest, Jim. Good luck.
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I think anything you do becomes easier ...
with practice. Nobody starts out writing sonnets like Shakespeare's.
Many won't even admit that mine are sonnets since I don't write in iambic pentameter. I could care less what they think about it, of course. I write poetry because I feel like there's something inside me that needs to come out and because I like to write. -
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I agree, Jim, on all counts. I just prefer free verse for my own work. 
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D'accord.
That's eminently sensible, I must say.
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Truly worthy! Not only the gold makes it so!
Others have said what I intended to say, so this comment rides in on their coattails! Bravo!
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I think this sonnet would not have the same sense of honor and weight if it were done in iambic pentameter. I like the rhythm of this piece; it is an integral part of how the tone and message is built. I like the volta, particularly "He yearns for a taste of the dew on the rose. / And envies his Lord's final words to the thief."
The couplet provides an excellent ending, as well as revealing the deeper meaning that motivates this Knight. Well done.
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thank you for sharing your gorgeous work.
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I've already commented so I haven't much to add save to congratulate you on the gold.
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This is so very nice and touching, the journey so necessary to the knight and Yet so unfulfilling "But still he plods." I liked in partic,lines eleven and twelve, his yearning's
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The poem delivers its point in stirring fashion, relating the pursuit of goals and dreams to legendary quests. Perhaps they will never be achieved, but as the truly heroic couplet advises, it is the journey toward them which matters.
Despite the author's supposed tone-deafness, the rhythm flows remarkably well. The only slight hitch in the get-along for my ear was with "bone-weary" in line 7, but it is only a slight skip from the overall pace.
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Just wondering ...
about "supposed" since there isn't any supposed about it. Being tone deaf is not funny. Over 45 years ago a music teacher told me I couldn't sing or write a sonnet. She was wrong. -
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Jim, I have read of your tone deafness, but I do not see/hear it in your poetry. Your poetry has a natural rhythm and flow which others can hear, whether it is technically defined by a particular foot or meter or not. I have never heard you sing.
I shall continue to compliment your poetic grace every time I come across it, but henceforth with no reference to your ear for tone or pitch. -
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Yes, I may ...
be a bit sensitive about that. After hearing people tell me for about 50 years that I couldn't / can't do something, I tend to be rather sensitive to comments like "supposed". Of course, being deathly ill might not make me any less sensitive to such things.
The good news is that I finally have an answer from the hospital. The date is now set for the operation on November 14th. All I have to do now is hope that the 150 mile trip isn't complicated by something weird (like a freak snow or ice storm blocking the highways).
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It is indeed a sonnet
In a complex termeter for me, although it reads OK in tetrameter too.
Wonderful message too
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Excellent, bro. Write on and good luck.
Dez
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a very elegant and sophisticated verse with a beautiful and wisdom-filled message ... even if you state that you do not use formal meter, I can feel the flow and can discern a regular pattern nevertheless - let me say it through the example of a professional drummer who does some freestyle drumming ... others know he's a master, but he doesn't need to prove it ...
maa
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insperational
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Very nice, I love the love the last two lines.
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The blue on bright yellow makes your poem very hard on the eyes. Interesting poem
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I thought about ...
changing the text color, but since I'm not a Gold or Silver member, I was afraid to mess with it.
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Damn this is good, but you already have 120 comments and 60 applause for it? What I say will just be a diminishing echo of what many before me have come, read and said.
Firstly - this is the first sonnet I have read on this site that actually flows. Everyone sticks so rigidly to rules that sometimes they kind of lose the purpose of the poem, but not so here, a wonderfully crafted piece reflecting both the book (which I enjoyed!)and life.
Too many awesome lines to pick a favourite I think, if pushed and pulled and tugged I would go for the last one, which does exactly what it's meant to (I feel) in a sonnet, round it off and give the message.
Anyway, thanks for sending me the links, I'll read and comment those soon! Take care x
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The essence of life captured well here. I like that you begin with mentioning pride and end with the importance of knowing that the journey itself is where the value truly lies... not in the false grail... Don't know much about Shakespearean sonnets but despite the eye-hurting background and font color i found myself reading on and understanding it which is obviously a good sign... lol... thank you for sharing this lil masterpiece! Much enjoyed~
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This had a very nice form and rhythm. It certainly stayed within the parameters of a sonnet. I liked your use of vocabulary and the lines seem to blend nicely. The subject wasn't an overdone one and that was refreshing. Very nice.
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Wow!I've forgotten when I ladt read this.This was a brilliant sonnet.Very well written with wonderful rhyming and flow.Very well done and best of luck in whatever you do
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This is truly special... You have captured the essence of mystery and magic - Well done poet!
Dini
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The first thing that strikes me on reading this English Sonnet is the flow of the poem. It is flawless and runs like a song. You have done complete justice to iambic pentameter. I really enjoyed that about it and re-read it many many times and took immense pleasure in the flow of the words. Secondly, I really like your choice of words and rhymes in this. Your excellent punctuation enhances the reading quality of this piece. The use of the word "but" in the seventh line is another thing I observed and liked. However, I am just not sure whether that's the twist or as you say in L9. Is the use of the word 'but' in L7 just co-incidental? And, the word "Yet" with the rest of the sentence in L9 is what represents the pivot? I love the imagery of this poem, especially in L1. It has this power that drew me right in! The conclusion is simply outstanding! This is one of the BEST sonnets I have ever read and I can see why it is your favourite. I wish someday that I can write sonnets with this flow and style. Amen
Best wishes,
Charishma
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Excellent
I can't say I enjoyed it better than the other. How do I pick between two such masterful writes? I think you truly had such a immaculate and crisp style with this one and it guides the reader though such wonderful rhyme and eloquence. Plus the ending, perfection! -
To be honest, I don't feel any such ambiguity in this when reading it aloud. I have noticed that all audiences love this poem, even rabid free versers who come to our readings. One thing that most people can't seem to get through their heads is that I write exactly the way I feel at the time. Being tone deaf, I can't hear those extreme differences you speak of, but I hardly think it matters since every audience I've read this to clapped for a long time, and it seems to be widely liked on this site too. It's won numerous golds in contests, and a great many people have written nice things about it. I have always felt that Michael Burch is correct when he says that meter is not important to the success of a poem, but only an aide, one of many. He says that the subject and how you handle it are far more important. I agree. No matter how perfect the meter in a poem, if the subject is unworthy, the poem fails. That's one reason I so strongly dislike a lot of sonnets, simply because of the constant ta dum, ta dum, ta dum that makes the poem seem singsongy and flat. I actually had one woman tell me that she was considering suicide until she read this, but after reading it she changed her mind. Life is full of surprises, but if you look at it logically, you are seldom surprised.
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Lovely poem, which was a thrill to read. My husband raved about the book enough that I finally had to read it myself. You did Dan Brown proud here with this, and I definitely understood where you were going with it, as described in your author comments.
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Cool
Beautiful poem i have to say . life itself is precious and a perilous journey , however because it is short you should live your life and cherish it . the rewards at the end are worth it . Awesome. -
This contains some interesting thoughts... However, the choice of rhythm somewhat puzzles me... Dactyls (like anapaests and amphibrachs) suggest dancing or galloping. Your knight is plodding "fatigued and bone-weary" - so the chosen rhythm does not seem to accord with this.
I do know of cases where rhythms have been deliberately chosen to clash with the sense... A notable case was that of the Belarusian poet Janka Kupala, who was ordered to write a poem praising Stalin's collectivization policy; he turned out a poem full of all the politically correct slogans about a new and brighter future - but the rhythm was that of a funeral march!
And the poem I am currently working on (Ivan Franko's "Moses") has a similar lack of accord between story-line and rhythm - until the two come into harmony in the final canto!)
So I am very intrigued as to why you have chosen a rhythm that - superficially - seems out of key with the subject.
Edited on May 18, 12:03 because 'Bracket omitted..'. -
This is romantic...i love it!! ~kithnec~
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Truly Magnificent!!!
Eh...Wow!!! -
i liked it. very good and nice background.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nini~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -
You lost me. Is that another one of those English expressions from England or Australia? What does "so close but not quite" actually mean?
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indeed, very romantic, i like it. its got that "so close but not quite" kind of feel
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This is a poem that contains a lot of depth. It's a very insightful commentary on not only the Da Vinci Code, but you are right, on life itself as well. I love this poem. It's going to be bookmarked. You used the sonnet form quite well! It's something I would like to try one day. Congratulations on such a skilled write.
~noir ~
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excllent!
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I love the rhyming style and the stylishness overall. Very very magnetic in a theme I always want more of.
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Beautiful
Beautiful, simply beautiful. This is what I look for when I look for poetry. -
enjoooyyy
A beautiful and heroic one. Really nice and romantic, though somehow even realistic! What a great mixture! Keep it going, dear poet. Lily -
Congratulations on the gold. It is quite pleasant reading
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Bravo.
Wow. A beautiful sonnet. GOLD is definitely a must on this piece. Congratulations. A wonderful sonnet. ~Pam
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This is amazing....The flow, the perfect rhyme and the lovely words leave me in awe of this well written sonnet....BRAVO...Lynda
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I haven't read the DaVinci Code yet although many have suggested it to me.I am looking forward to the movie though.You have written a very vivid poem and I enjoy the directness of it Helen
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Very beautiful, i like it's point and the way it was said. Thankyou for entering it in my contest.
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As I was predicting, I am a fan. This is one of the finest pieces that I will likely read on AllPoetry. I applaud you for working with form, and especially for creating such an artwork within it.
I will be adding you to my list of favorites, certainly. My interest is picqued.
-- Justin -
very very beautiful. makes me want to steal your vocabulary. i like everything about this one jim. its perfect.
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Thanks. You've also just stated the theme for another poem:
When we focus entirely on the destination...it is then that we stop relishing the journey.
Sounds like you've got a poem there.
It certainly is a truism, concise, succinct and explicit all at once. -
I've not read the book so I cannot offer comment on that aspect. But, looking past that, what I see here, in my own personal take, is a gem of wisdom on life and belief in general. When we focus entirely on the destination...it is then that we stop relishing the journey. You've written this in eloquent phrase, with compelling language and mood. Your last line is the perfect conclusion.
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Super well done... as explained already by being published and applauded SO much! Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC
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Bravo, dear poet! I love the Da Vinci Code, and find the subject very interesting. It really opened up my mind...you shouldn't always believe just what they tell you as you grow up. Excellent write. I liked the last line the very most.
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This poem reads so well, so smoothly and with such style. No wonder it was
published - congratulations on that. Wonderful sonnet, have not written one yet,,,but maybe one day... -
the title rocks too
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*gold star*
The more I connect to this poem the better of a person I feel I'm becoming. I think I'm so much of the guy towards the start of the poem that the way it ends therefore MUST be a part of me too (yes I'm so lazy that that's how I rationalze things like this). There's a lot to rise above and a better perspective to be gained through as little as an introspective glance. I loved the extra rhyme in the 4th line but I think line 11 is my most favorite part. This is an awesome, awesome sonnet (dare I say the best one I've ever read?... not sure), it's goin in my favorite list.
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Bravo! Standing in Applause
AND PUBLISHED IT SHOULD BE.
An amazing piece. Oh I am just so delighted to have read this wonderful work. THANK YOU for sharing this with us all. Thank you. Absolutely wonderful.
~Pam
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thsi is truly something to crow about ecrivan. Well done, my firned.
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great
this is a greatwrite and you know your poetry vry well, great job. -
Amazing. Simply Amazing!
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I don't know much about form and meter, but I know what reads well, and I'd say this does, for sure. It's deep and thought provoking and makes your head churn a bit, in figuring out it's intent and meaning.
Well done, best of luck in the contest! -
Actually, Dan Brown extrapolated from things that we know were true and came up with the idea of Mary Magdalene marrying Jesus, having a baby, and having to flee with him when the Romans came for him. He basically is denying the whole death on the cross thing and saying that's not the way it happened. That's why the religious nuts are up in arms over it. They don't understand that fiction is fiction. To them, it's reality. It would be sad to be that removed from reality.
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I like the word "wilderland": I've never seen it before, very Lovecraftian.
I don't like "dreary"/"bone-weary".
The concept is a bit lost on me as I've not read this book (nor ever will, unless I find a free copy somewhere).
However I approve of your ignoring Shakespearian metrical constraints. Rhymes OK though. -
WOw, this was amazing, I don't know what else to say...speechless. Oh, and the Da Vinci COde rules. Awesome job.
~Laila~ -
Easy to see it was chosen for a publication has a wealth of beauty within the verses.
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This is really good! I love hot it both flowed nicely AND told a story...and it's very elegant...*claps* Good job!
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Your sonnet has a nice voice to it. It was a pleasure to read.
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we know the theory dont we ??? we always say that ... 'the journey is what matters' yet we all hanker for a taste of the dew on the rose .... although there are one or two who seem to have it all ways ... love the rhythm you set up in the subtle rhyming scheme, always enjoy the message you come up with - truth and reality (love it) .... and it took me smoothly from line to line to the very end, without boredom .... enjoyed this ..... >>> EM
Edited on Aug 07 because ''. -
Oh, very good. I could easily tell what it was about even before I read that it was for Dan Brown hehe. I liked the mention of rose and Grail as well. It reminded me of King Aurthur as his knights sought after the Holy Grail, the story of the wasteland and such. Of course, if you believe the Davinci Code, then it would make sense for King Aurthur to be connected to the grail. Anyhow, great job.
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I enjoyed this piece alot. The title, loved it.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
nicely done
very nice... i've been thinking about trying my hand at the old sonnet lately. i enjoyed the DaVinci Code and its prequel and could catch its echo within your piece. great job! -
Yes. Good writing!! I love coming across great pieces such as this; sorting through crap has become so banal and irritating.
This, however, shined. Though I am one for strict syllable counting, nothing seemed off about this at all. Your command of the English language is elegant and eloquent... and... I loved it!!
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Elizabeth -
a sonnet, perfectly done! I like the rhyme scheme in this one, which read so easily considering that every other line must match and still flow in to the next. I don't know one sonnet from the next technically, but I like this. I also like how you chose to expound on life's journey: "He yearns for a taste of the dew on the rose..." I feel that way often.
The opportunities are there when we take time to avail ourselves of them. I think a view into a poem like this is one of those opportunities. -
I think something of a higher class in poetry should be assigned to such a piece. Whereas I may beat iambs until they're redundant, you have captivated me without an organized prosody or 'structured meter' of some sort.
I put reading this off a few days only because I wanted to have time to really savour it. Oh the voice this carries!! Oh the voice... Love your phrasing! Absolutely love it. Your vocabulary is a mile more impressive than my own. I suppose I depend on word choice to carry things along moreso than the words themselves.
There's much more I could ramble on about, but I'm not one to ramble on... (Or at least I'd like to think I weren't).
Poetry at its best - Keep on aspiring!
Sincerely,
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I enjoyed traveling with this knight on his quest, through your words. Great job!
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Having read bits and pieces of, "The DaVinci Code" (I have not yet taken the time to really get into it), I can see where these words might have been the direct result of inspiration from the book. Your words are well spoken.
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This is an awesome sonnet! Definately worth the read! You ahve a lot of talent in writing sonnets. Your muse must be good to you, and your penmanship fine. I hope to see more!
Best of wishes to you!
~Saknika -
I can identify with this! Hope your journey becomes more and more magical. ;¬)
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Very good writing. I like the way it shined through as being old-fashioned and how it had an antique feel. Very nice! Thanks for entering and good luck!
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This is an amazing piece. Thank you for your honesty in describing what is important to you in writing a sonnet. I'm learning that so many poets take the basic structures of various forms and then adapt them to fit their style of writing. I really like the way you've 'turned' this piece. Your final lines, to me, seem so powerful... "He yearns for the Lord's final words to the thief" And while we may end up in pieces at the end of our lives, it is what we have done during our life that makes life so important. I have not seen Divinci Code, so I cannot comment on this poem's relation to the movie or the book. To me, this poem reminded me of Indiana Jones and also Monty Python's interpretation of the search for the Holy Grail.
Well done, and thank you for entering my contest! -
Buckets of awesomeness!
Well written. Has an epic, almost symphonic feel to it. I've never heard besmirching used in a poem. Fantastic. Keep up the good work. -
Great poem i love it!!! I like the text color and background color you chosed also!!! its a really nice poem good luck with your other poems in the future... Keepon writeing Really nice style and I also like the title, over all its a great write.. orange powns!!
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Hmmm...this is an intriguing piece. i clicked thinking i'd find something to do with wicca, and in fact though i've read the da vinci code, i don't see what anything other than referencing grail parallels to it. Wonderful word choice however, and an overall beautiful piece.
Blessed be for always,
~*XChelseaX*~ -
I appreciate the kind words, but what is "damein"? I won't be able to sleep a wink without knowing that.
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Wow you took the words right out of my mouth damein, "wow i found this to be an amazing poem,,i enjoyed reading this very much,,i hope to read more of your work in the near future,,also i would like to wish you good luck on your up and coming writes,,i hope you have a wonderful night and cya later!!!" Awsome!!
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I can so clearly see why this piece made it into publication. It truly is becoming of a poet to choose something with such a valuable story line and carry it through with such flow and word choice in general.
As for the language in this and "toning it down" - well, I wouldn't change that one bit. I think the best of writing gives enough context to be able to derive the meaning from your verses in general. Then again, in writing this, I can see you knew that already.
Very nicely done. I was a bit of a fan of the word choice in this and enjoyed its "oldish" sort of feel... charm I suppose would be a better way to say it.
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that was extremely well written. flow was awesome. overall a very good poem.
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top notch write.
This is super.Wonderful smooth write.Fantastic story line too.~~~Suseann -
Very well-written poem, I enjoyed it. The flow was nice, and the rhyming wasn't forced at all...Very nice.
Love, Ashlee
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well written, wonderful flow and the rhymes just added and there were no breaks, the only thing is the vocabulary make's it a little unaccessable, whether or not the reader understands the words you choose the vocabulary makes it seem divorced from the reader, very seperate, and perhaps that's what a poem of this type needs but toning down the vocabulary is somthing you might experiment with to see if you can make it more..... reader friendly and conjoined with reality
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cool
very nice! I must say, this is a very nice poem and i really enjoyed reading it. the sentance flow is great and the rhymes dont seemed forced. good job and good luck in the contest.
Edited on Apr 05, 9:02 because ''. -
A very interesting Sonnet Jim, we do go through life on a journey of discovery, the path often shod with pitfalls and obsticles, but it's the will to continue on around them, finding more solid ground. I'm a lover of the 'Grail' stories, and often I've thought of myself on a searching mission, for e everyday holds another threshold to cross.
Excellent pen! and many blessings, Sandi
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wow i found this to be an amazing poem,,i enjoyed reading this very much,,i hope to read more of your work in the near future,,also i would like to wish you good luck on your up and coming writes,,i hope you have a wonderful night and cya later!!!
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I really enjoyed this. The journey vs. destination theme is one of my favorites....and, in no way coincidentally, a theme I use to teach my classes at the prison. Very excellently done rhyme...good rhythm, and superb imagery, in my opinion.
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Very good write but to be expected from you, interesting and facinating, great feel and flow and of course impeccable grammar,all the best in the comp I do not think you need luck, great write and great read, all the best, hugs Di
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I have large framed paintings of Knights all around the family room - perfect backdrop to this.
"Proud Venus shines on a knight vainly searching
Through lonely days of rain, snow and hail --
In desolate wilderland, honor besmirching,
Sealed to the trail of a dream, and a Grail."
He holds high this banner: 'Integrity'
In the midst of battle, knows he cannot fail...
Indeed, to live would be the greatest adventure of all.
Thanks for this, Chalice. -
I had a real long comment, then my dang comp shut off, real sorry.....anyways my poetic friend, wonderfully expressed, pen on poet! I applaud ya!
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hye this poem is pretty simple and awesome.. its really good.. more than the poem.. i seemed to like teh comment u have added at the end.. thanx for sharing sucb good work, with usall... life is a mere seacrhing to us all..
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