snow falls
outside the window
bird's serenade
Author notes
Written November 22nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku by Kathraina.
900 points, ended January 5, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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Very nice haiku, Sis!
I really like your haiku and the pic'! Congratulations on winning honorable mention! With 46 entries, that's quite an achievement!
Love Ya, Sis!
♥ Maureen
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wonderful
beautiful as always my sweet sis
*Go with God* sweet one,
Valerie
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a adorable haiku and image the background goes perfectly with your words thank you for sharing congratulations on your honor
maralisa
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Lovely haiku and an adorable pic to go with it. Good luck to you.
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Beautiful words you have written here. Congrats on your HM
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A very pretty haiku, Sis And the picture with it is perfect.
I think you need to eliminate the tilde, though. Just a suggestion, especially since it's a haiku.
Love and
Dee
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So beautiful are these seven words you have put together, describes the picture well.
Congratulations on the trophy
Love Ya Sis
Don
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Very nice indeed Susan...congrats on the HM.
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oh yes
the wonders of birds singing a beautiful song in the midst of winter, thank you for sharing , good luck in the contest..
sparks
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oooh great job!
♥ Kathraina -
This is very nicely done, Susan
You got excellent advice from Leander too. Did need to remove the tilde at the end though.
Also, if it were meant to be birds, plural, instead of singular possessive, there is no apostrophe in the plural.
~Gen
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lovely
snow falls
outside the window
bird's serenade~
thanks for entering our contest. it's a pity that you deleted your originals as the contest rules stipulate that you leave all your drafts so we can see how your haiku has progressed.
i like what you have achieved in this haiku. the contrast between winter & the singing bird is lovely.
i agree with col - i don't see why you have a tilde at the end.
snow falls
outside the window
bird's serenade
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excellent revision blushful
i would remove the tilde ~ from the end though
col -
Beautifully written, good luck in the contest
blessings
angelsvoice63 -
Hello there
I think you've done quite a good job with this haiku here, especially first and second line give two seperate pictures that can be put together...
I'm not so sure about the last line - winter is already pointed out with snow in the first line...
Maybe - if I can give a little suggestion - I'd replace winter with bird. that would make it
snow falls
outside the window ~
bird's serenade
I'm not sure if you have taken the picture or not - but I think it would complement the haiku completely in fact then you also have three different images - that show the scene quite detailed when you were experiencing it
Good luck in this contest
Leander -
I didn't even realize you were in this contest, Susan and just came to your haiku by clicking NEXT, clicking NEXT, clicking NEXT, etc.
Leave it to you to pull the perfect image of nature and not only work it with at least three of the five senses in some seven words! really lovely...and it's as to see those little birds at the feeder outside the window!
Jo -
greta job - i definitely got the aha they are talking about you did a wonderful job - good luck in the contest
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Lovely haiku, Sis! Good Luck in the contest!!!
Love,
♥ Maureen
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Hi Susan
Snow!!!
I went down hill to the "local" store at 6am, to buy milk and tobacco. Snow had fallen all night long, and as the sky was lit by twilight and all the orange house-lights and occasional street lamps shone across the valley, all the fields, vale hills etc were blanketed in snow! I thought it was a wonderful sight, and inspired a poem or two that I am going to post later today. I did dread that its consequence would be to bring the entire town to a standstill like the episode I told you about before Xmas, but strangely enough by 11am a spring-sun had crept out, and it all became melted. Thank goodness - I had to collect my meds from the pharmacy in town, which is a good half-hour walk up a steep valley hill!!!
This is a beautiful little piece, well worded. Snow and chilled winds; indeed they serenade winter and spring in unison. I have reached the conclusion, after reading many of your snow/winter poems, that you will never cease to present the theme in a fresh, different and beautiful way each time you endeavour!
Good luck in the contest Susan!
Best wishes
Stu -
very pretty and so serene thank you for sharing.. good luck in your contest..Linda
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and very best wishes in the contest,
xoxoxoxo
reenie
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I love haikus, they're so simple and right to the point and you did this one well. Good luck hun.
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hi Blushful
thanks for the entry
Outside the window
snow is falling
winter serenade
you have good images here and a natural break after L2 but in L3 the is no real surprise for the reader basically you have given an opinion as to how the falling snow makes you feel. try to think of another image that offers a juxtaposition
i also think snow should be in L1 as this sets the scene with the kigo -season word...so winter becomes redundant
ing verbs should also be used very carefully
snow falls
outside the window--
looking forward to your revision
col -
Oh how i love the winter when i'm inside the warm house looking out at the land of snow outside. I admire poets like you. Only a few lines and you can describe and in depth scene. Nice write!
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Two thumbs up!
This is just a lovely haiku! I really wish it would snow here, because this haiku made me nostalgic for winter's serenade. And besides, you can't have a good Christmas without snow. White Christmas is such a tradition for me. But here in Alaska, and it is a paradox, we rarely get white Christmas...In any case, this was a beautiful haiku. Great job!
~Anastasia -
"winter serenade"
that is amazing-i love winter
beautiful haiku
ash -
A simply lovely poem, Susan...
We haven't talked in a while but I understand your Mom has been ill. I pray she is doing better... And she made it home for Thanksgiving...
Hugs
Pat -
Snow bird, snow haiku, snow sweet...this is very peaceful. The picture and your words.
sam
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I do love fresh fallen snow and watching it come down. I just wish it didn't slow my commute so much. It took me 2.5 hours to get to church Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
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This is a lovely haiku, and I too am like a little kid when it comes to snow! When everyone else is griping and grumbling look and listen in a crowd to hear someone singing or humming Let it snow, let it snow let it snow and you will find me!
Again lovely haiku and now I am for sure in the mood!
~Nikki~ -
lovely
Snow is so beautiful. I live in California so I never get to see it. This is a beautiful haiku.
~Amanda~
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Funny - I hate snow on the ground - makes my feet wet and cold - but I love to watch it fall (either in gentle drifts or in a blizzard). It really is musical in a way - this haiku really made me think about that. Nice...
Scott
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very moving write! i offer you a cup of hot chocolate and a smile i live in a climate where snow is only a dream, but i frolic and make snow angels in my sleep just the same. poor little birdy needs a muffler for his little feet! take care and happy thanksgiving! now
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Lovely!
A favorite subject of mine
And the photograph is enchanting
I love birds -
I LOVE HAIKU'S AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB! Whoops my cap lock was on lol. I got a little overexcited there. But wow this was great even though it was short. Haiku's are my favourite.
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yay! snow in kentucky!? sweet.
but anyway... good stuff. -
BLUE HEARTED SNOW SONG
Lonely sparrow
sits on branch in falling snow
Calling for his mate
Eddy -
Prety words, well done!!!!! You can keep the snow though, how about I send you all of ours! LOL
I don't mind the rain but you can have our snow. So far we didn't get any yet though. It's so nice here, still low 50's. ~Laura -
Wonderful photo and ku. You really nailed this perfectly. The haiku stands alone pretty well also which is important. Hope things are going well for your and yours.
Take care,
Don -
thanks for the comment. just had a bad day. haikus are hard, i've always thought. not many people can write one flawlessly. your's is awesome. the only one i've ever read that didn't sound forced.
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I love this! It's fantastic. I love snow too! And it's so awesome cause we're supposed to get flurries this Wednesday (my birthday)!!! I was like YAY! WOOHOO! Hopefully we really will
Great jod sistah!
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Excellent
How beautiful......so serene, I just love the picture....adds to the pureness of your write! -
Very beautiful, I love snow ^_^!!
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Dear Molly,
I am thrilled by all your comments on our latest writes. I know my 'other' Susan will be chuffed too. Thankyou so much.
So I came straight away to read this and since I, like you, just adore the sight of snow - expecially covering our garden,
I love your haiku imagery and applaud it.
I am thrilled to read the news about your Mum and promise not to let up on the prayer front (as if I would?)
I hope you will continue to read our postings as I will, in turn, comment on yours.
With much love and hugs, XXX Hugh.
Edited on Nov 22, 6:15 p.m. because ''. -
extraordinary haiku. such great imagery here. your third line is perfect for this. thank you for brightening my day with this lovely ku.
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Snow, I remember snow...I really need to drive up to Flagstaff soon and have a snowball fight with my boyfriend I think...This is lovely as always...brings back so many wonderful memories...
Hugs,
Ro -
Looks like a tufted titmouse to me.
They do well in the winter, for anyone who worries about the wee little bird. Your haiku is lovely, you did a great job with it. Thanks for visiting my poems and commenting and applauding. I adore this photo as well.
Cheryl
cheers!!
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Nice! Happy ThanksGiving. -Darmok
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Beautiful haiku. You're my favorite nature writer on this site. You sure have a knack for it. Great picture, too. It's amazing that poor little bird doesn't freeze solid. Are those icicles hanging off his feet? lol
I'm glad to hear your mom is doing better.
Mark -
Susan
I love this haiku Especially love "winter seranade"
The picture is gorgeous
Love ya
Karen
Happy Thanksgviving
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Lovely poem, i see much in so little. hope, expectancy, security and serenity. I wish i could write these as well as you do but i am doomed to wander the halls of free verse forever, dragging my dangling clanking participles behind me. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
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Awe, what a nice haiku. I have one called twilight serenade I love the snow, well I don't like winter but if it has to be cold, I just as soon it snow and be pretty Well done on this appropriate haiku.
~Lyrical
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Awww.. this is so nice, Susan. I miss the snow... Ihaven't seen it since I moved to Phoenix from Seattle in May of '97. I've been back a few times since then but never during the winter. Winters are nice here in Phoenix but I still miss the seasons.
Your little Haiku is a lovely reminder
Love it..love ya
Dee
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What a beautiful image.. aaaahhhh
Makes me feel all cozy and stuff.
Love it Sus
Cindy -
Lovely
Lovely picture and lovely haiku. If you don't mind suggestions you might try to see how is scans for you with an acting rather than a passive verb. "snow falls" rather than "snow is falling." -
I dearly miss the snow. This was beautiful and serene.
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NICE POEM LOVE THE PIC
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oh it is lovely picture....you are so lucky to get snow or the thought of impending snow, lol...I want some too! When a poet can paint this kind of picture with so little words, they are most talented! Love it, Ann
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Beautiful, my Friend...ya gonna make snow angels??? hehehe
I dunno about snow here in OKC, but it sure has been cold & rainy off & on all week...we shall see...I enjoyed your 'ku, Sis...glad to hear about your mom comin' Home... Wanda
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Thanks so much Willow, Mari, Maureen and Sherry for such wonderful comments i had another pic but the songbird suited best with the word serenade i saw that and had to have the pic
But Sherry you tell your bunny he can't have my bird
Love n hugs to all you
Susan~~~
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Susan,
What can I say hon this is simply lovely and peaceful beautifuly done in such few words. Potrait of art reflected of in picture of being able to be seen as you tell it and the little bird is precious also.........(((((hugs))))))))Love,Sherry
Edited on Nov 22, 3:27 because ''. -
Cool 'ku!
I'm like a kid when it comes to snow, too! Happy your Mom stands a good chance of coming home tomorrow. Prayer Power!
Enjoyed the pic' and your 'ku! Now I'm dreamin' of a white Thanksgiving!
Love Ya!
<3 Maureen
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This is very nice Susan! I like to see snow when I'm not in city.
It is very pleasant to go to the woods when everything looks white
Tess is following the weather reapport, very anxious for the first snow here in Antwerp.
The pictute is very good, not big at all
Kisses and love,
Mari
Edited on Nov 22, 3:20 because ''. -
This is just too sweet sis. The pic and haiku go so well together. Even cold outside the sweet sound of the winter birds are still as sweet.
~Sally~
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