The taste of creme de menthe upon my tongue,
I sip it slowly as I chat and smile.
I'm social-climbing from the bottom rung,
This being what I'm not may take a while.
I laugh at all the hostess' silly jokes,
And curl my pinkie as I tip my drink.
I'm here among these rich and classy folks.
While wund'ring what the heck my mom might think
To see me in this mansion dressed to kill,
Where I am chatting with the very rich.
If she were here I think that she'd be ill
In watching my vain try to fill this niche.
It's foolishness to try to find my spot
By seeking to be something I am not.
Author notes
Just some thoughts - needs some more work I think.
Written November 21st, 2004
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1 - 16 of 16
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tickled me mucho
:0 I'm hoping to be inspired, and I need to read a lot LOL .. I was going to read sonnets and try to get the hang of it. This looked better and maybe I can glean something...maybe my mooth will return. I liked hearing about your pinkie..LOL
good image to leave me with. -
The sonnet rings much more harmoniously now. I am glad to be of some service to you.
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Clever.
I would like to please point out a few observations:
(1) Line 8 from stanza 2 sounds a bit off when I read it. I tried to consider this problem, and thus came up with a tentative solution. Please consider this suggestion: "Whilst wund'ring what my mum shall ever think". (Don't please heed too much the language, it is just how I think. But I do mean it with the wording, especially with 'wund'ring', because I really think the awkward "wondering" is the crux of this particular dilemma.
(2) Line 12 of stanza 3 has a similar problem as the previous. I also think that "my vain" is a bit confusing, since 'vain' apparently assumes a noun role because it doesn't refer to anything else in the line. Please, if you will be kind as to consider my suggestion: "To watch me try in vain to fill this niche".
Other than these reservations, I hold nothing more against your poem and find it absolutely funny and clever.
Clever musings I do share, in awkward social gatherings. That's why I never attend parties that I'm invited to, at least until I've resolved within me to invite myself. It's never fun if you don't have a "game face", and is often tedious, and you end up sour when you finally go home.
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phenominal!
BRILLIANT! I've been in a sonnet kinda mood lately and very interested in it all. I'm just not ready to make one myself yet, but this was lovely! I adored the whole concept and it held a terrific message. My favorite aspect however, would have to be your rhyming. I HATE forced rhyming but you are far from it, and a lot of people don't force their rhymes but yours were just so smooth and really made the poem that much better...
Well done!
.Amanda. -
This flows very well. I like it alot, the imagery is so vivid. It is a very real poem...in the sense, it talks alot about how we pretend alot cos of what society makes us do at times. It is hard, isn't it? Oh and the part on Mum - I know what ya mean!!
Charishma -
We can only be who we are - no-one else and I like your perspective on this subject, and also the respect of your Mother being more important than the gilded atmosphere and champage flutes.
Nicely done.
~von~ -
This was very cute...interesting to have the mother look down upon it, when most parents want their children to be in top society. Love the flow and found it meaningful and amusing. Kudos.
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not bad
I like humor and I like sonnets, so I found this to be a good way to pass a minute or so. -
lol...this reminds me of when I went to a really fancy restaurant with my mother in law the other night...
I had no idea what the food there was so I just took an adventure and ordered the foie gras for an appetizer!
yuck!
good poem though.
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I think it's fine as is. And I hear ya..I really do. No fun being someone you're not ..even when it serves its purpose. I think your mom would be proud ..that at least you know who you are ...
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Ah, but you are no pretentious man, my friend. There is no man more honorable and honest than thou. But we all get caught up in the whirl and twirl here and there. The smart man knows when to step off.
lily
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Enjoyed your poem!
So many times life comes to this..
we follow the crowd..not our bliss!
Maureen
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deep
that was deep. i think thats what every one feels some times. (like there trying to be something there not.) -
no w this is a sonnet lol
i like it... and i too giggled some when i read it... so pretentious lol... anywayz... its a good write and it really flowed seamlessly...
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I really liked it Paul! Very amusing and the flow was great.
Jennifer -
This is an excellent poem. It is witty, sweet, and fun. I had to smile at your writing about something so pretentious. LOL Patricia
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