As children we'd come here
to this silent solemn place
feeling smooth marble
against our shoes, and
fresh air hedging us in,
acting as our guardian,
running our hands against
holy architecture,
soaking in the vibes of God.
Shhhh, I'd whisper to my sister
and as I took her hand we'd
be transformed into the world
of protection that we longed for:
our very own secret place where
we could skip around, play act
and be whatever we wanted to be.
All our imagination allowed
but the harsh world did not.
Two children dressed as paupers,
swinging our bony legs beneath us
as we sat on the bench in quiet peace
with faces and souls shining like the angels.
Author notes
Sis, I think this will bring back many shared memories.
Written November 19th, 2004
option 8
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Comments
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This is awesome! Heck it brings back memories for me! I think it would for any sister! Nice Write! Thanks so much for entering in my contest~
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: )
This is sweet. -
this is simple yet beautiful. I really enjoyed reading it that I read it twice!
lol. Great write and thanks for entering!
SAE -
Thank you Tumbleweed. I am really glad you appreciate it. It is one of my favorite poems, because it brings back for me so many memories with my sister as children.
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This is so lovely
Beautiful and heartwarming images, and a sweet, wistful feel. Great write.
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I wish I had known a place of comfort like this Duana.. how beautiful it sounds.. and your picture and wording is just lovely hon.. Take Care and Be Safe, I hope your Holidays were wonderful , Cat
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great
aww, your sister will love this i'm sure. it's awesome...i like the way you described being there...great job -
Hi Caducus, it brings me pleasure to know that there are those who are getting something out of my poetry. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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I think deeply of childhood moreso now as an adult trapped with social expectations and everyday repugnance. Nothing to say here other than this was escapism from the mundane and a key taking me to my secret garden where aslan runs and days end happy.
thanks for that moment. -
Glad you liked it.
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That is very nice work indeed. Emotive, nostolgic and packed full of image. What reader could ask for more. Great work, I loved reading this
David -
i read the piece befor the picture appeared on my page, what my mind created from your words was a much better place,
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Love your pictures, It just is so nice when the a poet paints in such a vivid manner. The piece flows through me and I can easily see. Thank you.
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I love the places where you could go and it would seem surreal and beautiful and safe....thank you for taking me to one.
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Beautiful but sad to I think a lovely piece of work
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I enjoyed this poem a lot. It took me to some places of my own childhood. Amazing use of langauge and images. Lovely! Well done.
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Mariza,
grins big grin thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Have a wonderful evening with your family and a beautiful thanksgiving
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This is simply adorable! So very soothing feelings lay on those lines. It was like going back on time and find that special place where nothing is or feels wrong.
This poem was the perfect way to end this poetry day, thanks!
Kisses and love,
Mari
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Those were the days, such blessed innocence lies in childhood. This poem was absolutely adorable
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This is wonderful. I've had a bunch of reoccuring dreams about places like these, thanks for sharing it! Marley
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Picturesque
Ahh, unforgettable memories of youth. Great images expressed in this poem. We remember the good times better than the bad, It's always better to be happy than to remember we were sad. Keep up the great writing. Take care and God Bless.
Michael -
Excellent!
Your longing words paint the picture more vividly than any image can do. But still the pic adds to the emotions.
We are hardly able to forget the happy memories of our childhood when we had nothing to fear and no cares.
These memories so green in our minds help us get along with our every day turmoils.
An excellent emotional write, my friend.
Love from India - Joel - -
I didn't need the Picture as My mind took me back to when I visited Washington D.C. and saw the the Lincoln Memorial....this is what came to my mind......the smooth marble the hushed solemn atmosphere. This writing worked for me. Good Job Duana.....Red
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Bravo
I like the bony knee imagery of the final stanza best. Good action writing. Great art work as well. -
I think this is so sweet. Sounds like the place children dream to go, where they feel they can do whatever they want. One of those magical places. Very nice
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Thanks for your comment dyingdoll. You are right that the feelings I invoke only last as long as this poem to read. That is great insight, and will help me greatly improve the depth of my poetry- which will happen the more I get in touch with myself. Thanks for your insight.
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i loved thispoem, nicely written and it gave me feelings of joy, even if for just reading it
the flow was very good and so did the story of this two characters in the poem. its nice having a secret place where only the two of you knows and that its where you can do anything youve wanted, away from the poeple & the prying eyes of everyone.
xxmaureen -
fair
I kind of like this piece, it has great emphasis though a little dull to my imagination -
I remember the exact feelings you describe herewith ( being outside the nunnery of the catholic school I attented) and the picture reminds me of the tranquility that this refuge offered outside it's walla. Unfortunately the entire atmosphere changed once I sat foot INSIDE ....and all I felt before, turned on me and betrayed my youthful innocense for what appeared outside was completely different inside of it's walls. Cruel , sadistic and mean nuns and perverted priests. The memories are haunting and the story a long one ( but I did enjoy your poem very much)
Reenie
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secret garden .... i guess we all reamain children, needing our secret place. The was such a quiet gentle piece which only gently prodded me to think of other deeper aspects of myself. The picture is wonderful
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as children we find those places that touch within our imagination ...yet
never realising within the world that harsh reality.
You have me think on this one!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
very good. not too many writings can touch ones self.
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Yeah you'd never be able to see it without the picture. I think I'm going to try to add an extra stanza once my description skills get better.
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A beautiful image you have written of here. I don't think I'd see it as clearly as I do without the photograph however. I can tell this is a sentimental piece for you. The title reminds me of the book by Frances H Burnett. I read that book every year. It's been my favourite since I discovered it in the fourth grade. Good luck to you at perfecting this piece. I know you have it in you.
~Bezoar -
shamik, thank you for your comment...you brightened my day.
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MrEPoet, Every line is filled with memory and personal meaning, so it's okay. This was a poem written just for myself, and my sister. Thanks for your feedback...you know I always appreciate you stopping by
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too much play by play .... and that is all I have to say at the moment...
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This poem gives me a sense of happiness,wonder, awe and reverence that makes me serious. You have done a most wonderful job here.The silence of the scence has been portrayed so well by the alliterations in the first few lines and the shh in the second stanza.The last lines are just mindblowing, driving me to my knees in wonder.The second stanza reveals the innocence so brightly and gives me a feeling of relief from this world and tranports me to the world revealed in the poem.
Edited on Nov 19, 10:33 p.m. because ''. -
this has a hidden message that i think i get. i like this, i didn't get bored reading it and want to skip to the next one. this had me hooked. keep up the good work.
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