The sunlight dripping in my wounds,
I see the anger soon, so soon,
and lacking nothing more in more
I lick my wounds and senses sore.
Repeating all the while a score:
the hatred I will feign ignore.
Your soul in damn�d hell abhorred,
I clapped my hands til they grew bored.
The stabbing pleasures it brought me
are countless. Now why won't you see?
The damage caused can't be revoked,
your throat it cannot be un-choked.
My wife, you stole her right from me,
but who does own the last "tee-hee"?
I staggered, clawing at my hair,
for love requited: nothing there.
And all the while knowing that
you ran off with that man, that rat.
You torture me with all you've done,
and so I'll even up the sum...
I tip-toed to "our" bed at dawn,
stood silent; then I heard your yawn.
Your lax attention gives me chills
my disposition full of thrills.
Took one step back, let blunt edge drop,
you cried out once for it to stop;
but cries were muffled once I threw
my caution out, anger renewed.
Alone I find myself at noon
or lying without gain or boon.
I trudge without a soul this day
my prison is the price I pay.
You haunt me everyday I live;
my life, the sacrifice I'd give
to see you once more animate,
my act gave no one benefit.
Reminded once more of the crime,
these walls entrap, count down my time.
And now I wonder if death's toll
is taking fruit from out this bowl,
or if this bowl is naught but sin,
and tainted is this suit of skin.
Your soul knows not to where it's been:
recitals of my sweetest sin.
A contest entry
- What do you dream of when you go to sleep?(must be dark/Gothic) by Immortal Death.
300 points, ended April 19, 2005, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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not bad
Not my kind of poem, but it's not a bad write anyway. I do think that "tee hee" was out of place though, in such a dark write.
Anyway, not bad. -
it wa sok but not much to do with dreams.
wot was Your soul in damn�d hell abhorred,
about
best part was:
Alone I find myself at noon
or lying without gain or boon.
I trudge without a soul this day
my prison is the price I pay.
You haunt me everyday I live;
my life, the sacrifice I'd give
to see you once more animate,
my act gave no one benefit.
good luck
-
it's awsome
WOW:| .. dude it's an amazing poem !!! i am so shocked .. u must be a black metal fan ?? ... anyway u did a great by writing this poem my favorite part is :"Alone I find myself a noon
or lying without gain or boon.
I trudge without a soul this day
my prison is the price I pay.
You haunt me everyday I live;
my life, the sacrifice I'd give
to see you once more animate,
my act gave no one benefit."
i enjoyed readin it .. u gave life to ur poem !!! .. keep on he good work !!
Mohamad
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good job
This poem brought out feelings in me I didn't know I had. It was as if I was right behind you, like your shadow, saying "you tell em! they're getting what they deserve!" I'm not into violence at all, lol. Even the way you described this as your "sweetest sin" was ironic. But I did feel better when you pointed out that there really was no benefit to it all. The rhyming worked well throughout, but did seem forced in some places, ex: noon/boon; toll/bowl. but like I said, it worked well everywhere else. Good job.
Edited on Dec 15, 12:03 because ''. -
This was a really cool narrative, I really enjoyed reading it... there is a real talent here... congratulations
-Joseph -
it seems like a very strong poem the whole way through. I like the beat of it. good job!
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very strong start, good end too... Title reminds me for 'Anthem of Doomed Youth'
Feels a lil forced in places - eg
'My wife, you stole her right from me,
but who does own the last "tee-hee"?'
But then in other places it works relaly well.
Good poem.
xxx
Scarlet -
I can feel it! Hopefully the judges will too. Very nicely done and good luck in the contest.
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The images that you have painted in my mind stand out vividly. You have a wondrous way with spinning a phrase! Well written!!
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That is absolutely the kindest remark about any of my poems that I've ever heard. Thank you, and I'll be sure to check out your writing too!
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Oh my god. That is one of the best poems I have ever read. Your writing style reminds me of Poe. I just cannot put into words how enthralled I am by that poem. Amazing.
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