Raindrops on tears
Like intimidation on fears
Tears from the sky
Blend with tears from my eyes
Cradled in the pain that engulfs my existence
Rain pours down with unrelenting persistence
Like insult to injury; salt on wounds
An incessant necessity; escape the rain soon
Shelter less under my umbrella; an emotionless facade
Prisoner of rain; much to my dismay
Raindrops on tears
Compounded anguish over years
Rain flows down river away from my stream
Optimism eludes me as did my dreams
Puddles mock me at my point of inflection
Revealing the real me in my reflection
Blurred fragments that should envelop a whole being
Incapable of embracing the image I'm seeing
It occurs to me I may not survive this downpour
Survivor of many storms but I can take no more
Author notes
Written November 16th, 2004
A contest entry
- Best of the Best Tournament by AVoiceWithin.
600 points, ended December 13, 2004, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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There seems to be a point which anyone under prolonged anguish feels they are no longer to cope. I love the way you have here made the comparison of tears with rain. Grief sometimes causes tears to engulf us, the comparison of relentless rain is a good one.
Well Done!
~Katie~
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I don't applaud many poems, but this deffinately deserves it.
You did such a wonderful job, sculpting the words just so, creating a work of art for all to enjoy.
Great background too.
Make sure you keep ink in that poetic pen you write with! I'd love to read more of your poetry.
Blessed be,
Kate. -
This is a great poem. I loved it so much that I had to read it aloud to my friend after calling her on the phone. This is terrific!!! And it reminded me of a saying I use a lot of the time, that, mind you, I created myself.
"Through the course of our lives, we weather many storms...
The worse they are, the stronger we grow"
I really loved the flow and rhyming too, and the background further added to the imagery that you provided us with. Great job!
~Saknika -
Optimism eludes me as did my dreams
Puddles mock me at my point of inflection
Revealing the real me in my reflection
I think these are my favorite lines from this writing. they just struck me as what life is like at least at this point and time in my life. to me it all boils down to grasping for dreams forever out of reach. Thank You for giving me words for my feelings. Red -
The rain still keeps me from being myself. I seek release from the Lord, and the rain subsides for a while, only to return as a spinkle that often turns into a downpour. THis is very good.
Sam
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that is a beautiful write. so much life and feelings in it. i can relate and i love it.
Truely,
April -
Impressive. I can see where you're coming from. And on a side note...being out in the rain sometimes makes me want to cry. However, your poem has embraced a lot of different elements very thoroughly and makes the reader feel so included, (ie it could be them). Kudos.
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You did a very wonderful job with this SW, I loved it. I dont have many words to desrcribe..I've always admired your poetry. Excellent write! Thank you for entering
Jenn
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This is beautiful poem. The touch of nature with sadness makes it very powerful. The way you ended this work is great.. and my favourite line was "Cradled in the pain that engulfs my existence" it is very emotional. Keep wriitng
Lonely~
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Beautifully written! I like it. Write on, poet. Smiles.
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Wonderfull
An excellent use of language! Beautifully written. As always, a great poem. It flows well from beginning to end.
I hope your days get better
Keep up the good work.
LD -
It was an awersome piece!! keep up the great work!!
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I loved this piece. You penned depression very well. And the entire idea of Raindrops on Tears.....breathtaking!!
TD -
This write was so beautiful, I loved how you wrapped up the poems
It occurs to me I may not survive this downpour
Survivor of many storms but I can take no more
Your wording in this was quite unique.
Well done
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It just dawned on me that you have been so supportive of me and my writes and I don't think I have read much of yours. And shame on me because you write perfectly. This is crystal clear in meaning.When you are depressed there seems to be a never ending down pour. It just fills you to the brim until you overflow. Honey know that you are strong and beautiful and you sun is shining. All the rain will go away.
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SporadicWrite,
An explanation was certainly not needed in my perception of the context of your piece. I use metaphor quite a bit myself. Your poem sure hit very cose to my heart and I'm sorry you had such a bad day on top of it all. A very emotional expression that's definitely written in stubborn ink...wouldn't it be nice if we could make it disappear at the whisp of an eyelash. Thanks for sharing.
MM
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Best!
This is fantastic. I think it is the best poem i've seen with structure on this site or perhaps ever. I loved the rhyme scheme it was very well put together and your vocabulary was astounding. I love the picture you painted, rain blending with tears and a shameful reflection on puddles. Luved it much! Great job~ -
Wow, this is really good. I love the imagery, how the rain and puddles are like different emotions. Great job on this, the symbolism was amazing. I read the explanation in the authors notes, and was glad to see that I was at least somewhat right in what this was about. I think you did a great job on this.
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I think you expanded on the common idea of rain helping to express sadness quite well. You used an interesting rhyme scheme, I like the way the syllables keep adding and adding, which in my opinion lends to the feeling of this poem that the bad things keep on coming. My only problem with that is the last line of the first stanza, and how it doesn't rhyme with anything ... I suppose it might work better if you did a similar non-rhyming line at the end of the second, but personally I don't think you need that line, even though "prisoner of rain" is a neat phrase. Though the line before that doesn't rhyme either ... hmm, didn't notice that before, I have less of a problem w/ that not rhyming, it only really bothered me with the one after it. But I think you did a great job with this, all I really have to say is nitpicky nonsense. ~applauds~
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This is a very powerful write. I loved the metaphors you used they worked together so well. I loved the flow of the poem. The rhyming scheme was perfectly flawless. I felt your pain because the words that you used helped to exaggerate your pain and torment. This amazed me I'm bookmarking this piece so I can come back and read it again someday.
's
LadyRage
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I agree with the person above me.
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OK, since you said that people seem to be surpassing the meaning, I will comb through it very carefully, writing as I go. And the first thing I have to say is, I think you've used pathetic fallacy well, by comparing the miserable weather with your sad emotions. Yet it can also be read, I thoguht, that the rain is sort of attacking you from all sides, so in some ways it fits with you and in some ways it clashes. Is that conflict supposed to represent, to be embarrasingly cliched, "inner turmoil", or is that just me reading too much into it? On a whole different level, the rain seems to represent a bad patch in your life- if life was weather, a happy part would be sunny, and rain would be the bad parts. I got this feeling more from the second stanza. That's probably a good thing, that you're setting the context and developing it later. Language-wise, sometimes it feels a little like you're feeling sorry for yourself, but it's just a hint, nothing that sticks out too far. Maybe I'm just not in a sympathetic mood right now. Plus, it's good to feel sorry for yourself sometimes, or you realise that you're pushing yourself too much when you say "It's only a leg, I've still got the other one, and at least I'M still alive" ok off topic now. "Shelter less under my umbrella; an emotionless facade
Prisoner of rain; much to my dismay" - was it supposed to be shelterless? And also, it may just be difference in accents (that can be a problem on an international poetry site, I don't know where you're from) but facade and dismay don't rhyme... Maybe there was some inner significance to that that I didn't see. This is a well thought out poem, I liked the symbolism. Well done! -
beautiful poem... and awesome images.... this poem really came alive for me you have a wonderful way with words keep writting
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Fantastic. What a beautiful poem. Great Flow. Terrific Rhyme. I love poems about the rain. Great job personifying rain. This is filled to the brim with emotion. I can relate. I am a survivor, trust me. You can handle this storm. You are a very strong person. Great Job.
-sTaTic- -
This poem is filled with emotions. The rain and the tears mix to release the pain. Very nicely written. Sometimes tears are great cleansers of the soul. Cry until the wellness comes, then smile!
Excellent job!
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wow
Oh WOW! i really love this! it flows very well and is very emotional and i can relate soo well. i hope to read more from you, keep up the good writes. -
Incredible Write
Dee, your writing just keeps on getting better and better. I love how your emotions and the rain intertwine and causes pain and injury like salt on wounds. OUCH! This is just another obstacle Dee, you can survive this downpour. by the way, I love your umbrella image. It's coming with me.Lol.
Keep up the amazing work Dee, you're headed in the right directions. (You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes) Inside joke ha ha! -
it amazes me how well you write!
i love the background which adds to your already beautiful poem
'Cradled in the pain that engulfs my existence
Rain pours down with unrelenting persistence'
you always have awsome imagery-this stanza is one (just to name a few)
left impressed,ash -
THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN LOVELY FLOWING WORDS
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Oooooooh.
Youre lovely hunny. And you capture emotion so well, even in rhyme. I can't do that. I lose the honesty in a rhyme.... free verse works wonders for me and my articulation
could be cuz i'm a rambly young one tho
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Man this was really really good. I don't think I've ever read soemthing that's jumped off the page at me so clearly and so vividly. You really expressed every last word of this poem with beautiful visions and exquisite wording. I loved this piece, what more can I say, everything about it just sang out to the reader and captured their inner most imagination. Keep up the great work hun. . . .Hip Hip Hooray for you! and
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OH* this was wonderful* Love the visuals* Love the heart in which it can into being...great work.
Leaf.
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