She wonders thru barren,
silent rooms
that echo with could have beens.
Womb weeping tears for dreams lost
scarlet
sorrows
And the clock -
ticks and tocks
There should be laughter here
and hope
filling a pelvic paradise with promise
But the eggs are too old
the milk is sterile
Or one of a thousand other
obscure obstacles
obstructs the desired path
Doctors;
tests;
drugs and bills
but still the fields lay fallow
and all the while
the clock tick-tocks
The calendar mocks the passing years
dreams sag and wither
Another crushing negative
(as if she didn’t know)
Soundless screams resonate
as she curls closed
Seeking to protect fantasies
nurturing
un-conceived need
and the clock
tick
tocks.
Patricia Gibson-Williams\
Author notes
I guess in so many ways every month that passes reminds me that my clock it ticking, and tonight I had to let my feelings flow on to the page or I think I would have given up.
I wrote this close to midnight and while I was taking a break before editing I found this contest. It’s not really about miscarriage, but about trying to conceive, although when I wrote it I was trying to convey the sorrows born by a woman who has suffered through both. I hope it’s close enough to pass, and if so its number 2. I welcome critical comments, especially since this is not the usual way I write.
"i live at the end of a 5 1/2 minute hallway"
Written November 13th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- show me your demons by ShesInMyHand.
350 points, ended November 19, 2004, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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beautiful personal writing
No person can climb inside the skin of another and hope to know
how they feel. I love your poem - you put so much thought into it, choosing just the right words and the right way of expressing them. And you left just enough for the reader to form his or her own conclusions. And the picture and choice of font really add to it.
Sad as it is, time does march on. This happened to me, but quite a few years ago. I became so depressed. But I did have time on my side. I hope things work out for you. Every woman who wishes it deserves to become a mother. Blessings ~ crisstiena
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Wow! amazing and sad. My mom went through that before she eventually cocieved at the age of 40. Now I'm closer to understanding what she was going through.
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Thank you... I'm hoping that with any luck (OK and drugs and doctors) that next week will be the one that blesses me. Of course I won't know for another two if things went as planned, but I'm struggling to keep my spirits up. Patti
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Very powerful and the spacing in between certain words was managed very well. Keep writing more like this!
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You wrote beautifully....and that said , now let me say that I will refrain from commenting any further for I have no words of encouragment that would make you feel better about this situation , and i also would like to wish you good luck in the contest and if it was within my power i would make the clock stand still
Reenie
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This is so sad and heartfelt. I think you definitely deserve to win the contest. There is so much feeling and pain behind this poem. Very touching and well written. This is an awesome poem. Best of luck in the contest!
-Kayla- -
OMG you have no idea how this hit me between the eyes. I have a niece going through this now. It's breaking her heart so much that I just want her to give up trying. But I have children so I don't really know do I? Thanks for giving me a real glimse, powerful write.
Red -
You've captured very well the way that when everything is quiet, the sound of the clocks which is always there but always drowned out by the louder noises of life comes through.
I like the way you have used the word barren in the first line- it is being used to describe the hall but shows that the person in the poem is thinking about being barren and not being able to conceive. It's really sad! But it's good. Good luck in the contest. -
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. My sister lost her daughter to SID’s at 3 months and I remember how devastated she was. I was 2 or 3 days away from visiting when it happened, so I never got a chance to hold her. I’ve heard of so many women losing one twin during pregnancy, but your story is even more heartbreaking. I’ve decided that if I am ever blessed I’m going to get one of those machines that monitors the baby’s vitals as I’m sure I will never get any sleep otherwise. I will pray for your family. Patti
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Wow, this is amazingly well written- so powerful and excellent
Great poem- well structured and excellently written A powerful write Keep writing because this was great,
All the best,
Pozo
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This is very well written. I love the sorrowful voice, your choice in wording, and the meaning; as well as the message behind it. Keep it up.
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excellent, well written.
I really liked this. It fits well with the picture.
Keep up the good work. -
this was written very well, i like the way it is presented and the way you kept repeating 'the clock tick tocks.' great work :-)
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beautifully written
i think this a very heartfelt poem...I had 4 kids of my own and can't imagine not ever having any of my own either.. I also just went through the greatest loss in my life.. both my son's wives were expecting twins.. and they both had lost one..one of them were still born and his serviving twin was a lil girl which is the sweetest lil angel I have ever seen.. and the other set...one had been found not breathing 2 days after they came home and was on life support for 12 days.. the other stopped breathing as they got to the hospital.. The parents had to make a heart wrenching descision of releaseing him from this world after finding out he would never be anything more then in a Catatonic state..I was living in another state and the only time I was ever able to hold my precious grandson was after they pulled the life support and he took his last breath ..children are a gift from God and those that abuse make me sick at heart and those that can't have children and want them desparatly I pray for..good luck in the contest this was a wonderful poem.. ~iccara~
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Outstanding
The thoughts and dreams illustrated in this work are felt by many who someday would want to have their own children. The format kind of parallels the thinking process behind this work. Little bits and pieces running in and out of the concious being. I can't say I know how you're feeling but I can surely see your pain in this work. Keep up the great writing. Take care and God bless.
Micahel -
my goodness, this is just a jewel. i am first swept away by the sadness, and that feeling of the ticking clock, i know it well though it is more about other missed longings than about conceiving. you have painted a most harrowing and deeply moving picture of a womans sorrow. i can't leave without commenting on the structure, which given the content almost seems shallow for me have noticed. the way you have arranged the words and spacing adds immense mood to this piece and i can hardly resist the urge to ask how this is accomplished and where i can learn more about how to do work with this structuring method.
but as i said the content overshadows all else...this is beautifully written.
Edited on Nov 13, 8:37 because ''. -
Couldn't imagine how it would feel not to have children.
Just makes the monthly payment in blood soo hopeless. Unnecessary suffering, and we suffer more for we can never have our dreams.
i especially like the line "seeking to protect fantasies" I can empathise with this...we all want reality to be more like them.
Your poem is very well structured, and that picture is very fitting.
well done.
com lag -
*bows in homage*
I go through my life wondering if I'll ever have children. I hate it when I think I have gotten as far as I did... and yet I have none. Louder and louder those tocks bring, fear and empty and leave nothing. -
sidh watching the clock.
i liek the way you formatted this it really implies that feeling. that ime drags.
anad then one day you look back, when youre older and you think god where did it all go.
trust me, it all goes by to soon when you sit here and begin to see the end of things.
i see alot of dark writes on this site.
its upsetting.
and sad. and i only wish i could impart some kind of wisdom to the younger ppl here.
what it is tho, do ppl really want to spend their time being miserable or happy. its all about choice. its not neceassirly about sictuation.
i kno ppl who are worse off than me but for soem reason they are happier than me.
i alwyas thought this was rather paradoxial. but the truth is we make our emotional beds.
and also we all must stick together and belive and support ourselves in times of sadness.
very emotional write
hugs
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Quite excellent
My favorite bits of this very excellent piece are the second and third lines. I also love the repetition of the "tick-tock" that evokes as well as gives voice to the incessant time-marking pace of the clock. And, the alliteration in lines 14, 15, and 16 evoke the "ova" that was left unwritten. Just simply a wonderful piece of poetry you've created here! Best of luck to you in your contest.
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