Standing in the dark
Alone
She cries out
For someone
Anyone
No family
To comfort her
No friends
To help her
Just emptiness
Air
Dark air
Then she cries
And someone answers
A boy
Mysterious
Handsome
She goes to him
Without thinking
Desperate
Someone warm to touch
Not knowing any consequences
Without knowing love
She falls for him
Deeply
She'd do anything
For this boy
She would die for him
Not knowing who he really was
An abusive
Insulting
Cold
Man
Who wants to touch her
But not to be warm
But to have control
Over her
He hits her
But she acts like it's nothing
People look at her bruises
Worried
But she backs away from them
"He loves me"
She cries
But it gets worse
She has no one
To go to
She's lost
Confused
More than before
And all she can do
Is cry
But he hates it when she cries
And hits her harder
Leaving thicker
Deeper bruises
She picks up the phone
Quivering
And dials
911
"Help me"
But he catches her
Deeper
Stronger
She runs away
"You can't go far"
He yells after her
"HELP ME!"
She screams
Out to the world
Finally
Someone
Decent
Answers
And helps her
"He's gone, locked up, it's ok"
But in her mind
She keeps thinking
About what would happen
When he is released
From his cell
Never can she be the same
Until someone real
Someone who truly loves her
Comes for her
Author notes
Also, this is not true.
Written November 12th, 2004
A contest entry
- Broken Girl by Faerie.Princess.
300 points, ended September 14, 2006, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want To Win a Contest? by ArmorXForXSleep.
360 points, ended July 31, 2007, 154 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for those who have ME on their favorites by leander.
900 points, ended January 2, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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There is a lot of pain dripping from these words... Here and there the poem felt a little bit cliched, but overall you did a great job!
Thanks for entering!
Leander -
Gripping. Raw. Painful.
I would tend to agree that maybe a tiny bit of restructure would strengthen the poem - I get the impression that so much energy is spent on the physical appearance of the poem, some of the message evaporates. Also, I tend to pause when a line breaks and this disturbs the flow of this piece in full. Thank you for sharing! -
That is sad. Shitty things happening to hopeful people. It was a bit long vertically, took a lot of scrolling but it sort of... enhanced the poem, so its cool. I can understand the depth of emotion, but I don't feel it.. as strongly as I feel like you could make me feel it in this poem.
I appreciate the candor though.
Thanks for writing it so I could read.
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4 of 10
it's ok. try to lengthen the lines for easier reading. good story though! -
i meant poem
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abit depressing, but it happens, overall i love this poe
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beautifully sad. Heartbreaking. But very well written. I have known people in this situation... Its a hard road. Extremly good imagery. Wonderful in its own aspect. Great write
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wow. Definitely strong. Sadly, I have known people in this situation. It is an emotional time just having known about the situation. This poem is about as close as you can get to describing it when you aren't in it.
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this is a beautiful poem and if its true than im soo sorry. nothing like this should happen to anyone. great poem. its full of emotion. good luck int he contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering -
this was a well written poem...lengthy but i think you got everything needed in the poem....good luck i really like your work
....good luck in the contest
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wow...deep
This is a great poem. It's so deep and I get a great picture of the scene. Good job-keep writing. -
oh, thanks! i mean, sorry about the rambling...but thank you for the comment and applaud!
-
Oh....wow...I've the urge to swear, but I'll refrain. That was just, god, wow. The layout made the poem better, but the wording was just stunning. I really did love it. Aha...now I feel all inspired. Wow..and I'm also rambling and repeating myself. So...powerful...well done!
Bella -
this is beautiful. it is so sad and it seems to be such a real story, and awfully common. loving just to be loved...its a great write. i love the short lines, it makes the readers pause and wait. great write
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Aww.... i almost cried this is such a cute poem. The poor girl will find find her happy ending. She will be loved!!! good job.
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thank you very much!
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.. deep.. very deep!! Im lovin the short phrases. Very well written!! Good Luck in the contest.
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thank you for this comment, it means a lot!
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What a powerful write, what a powerful and emotionally deep story. I loved this one. It read so well and the words seemed to come just so easily. The quick pace of the poem pushes you right up to the point where she finds the boy, then the tragedy is nearly completed as things take a bad turn. The defense of her "boy" was so true. Hopefully a descent man does come, and soon.
This poem was deep and emotionally powerful. Excellent write and keep right on penning! -
weeeeeeeee! fucking awesome! SOOOOO NICE AND DARK! GOOD JOB!
crissy -
wow...nicely done...this is truly amazing...the emotions of the lost girl are very strong..thanks for entering and good luck
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She has no one
To go to
She's lost
Confused
More than before
And all she can do
Is cry
i love that
Wow.. it really tells a story..
Totally awesum! Keep it up!
- C
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Aww....this was so sad. I hate abuse and the fact that there are people out there like this. Good write..it flowed really well together!
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oo nice... very deep kt! bravo! is this fortelling to more deep dark depressing poems? haha lol join the club.. thats all i could write about for awhile.. good write keep it up gurl! **jess**
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i love it it deep its true
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