If I was a robin
And you my little chick
I’d wrap you up in loving wings
When the storm got thick
If I was a mother deer
And you my baby fawn
I’d take you to eat berries
And watch the sun at dawn
If I was a mother bear
And you my tiny cub
We’d fish all day for yummy trout
Then I’d lick your furry snout
If I was a unicorn
And you my magic colt
We’d fly through cloudy rainbows
And see a lightning bolt
If I was an octopus
And you my little one
I’d wrap you up in my eight arms
Then tickle you for fun
If I was a Billy goat
And you were my kid
We’d climb the highest mountain
Just look at what we did!
But I am only human
And so to make a start
I’ll tell you loving stories
That come straight from my heart
Author notes
This poem is dedicated to my sweet angels.
Sarah9572003@yahoo.com
Written November 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Brotherly/Sisterly Love by Crazy9Piano8Freak.
600 points, ended December 15, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Nothing can match that of a mother's love. This is very sweet. I am only 15, but I know that it is special to have children and can't wait to have my own. Wonderful amazing job! Thank you so much for this write!
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awww this is such a sweet poem, i love how you wrote this about all the different animals, it's soo cute and adoreable, best of luck in the contest
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I like this
Great write -
Excellent
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This perfectly penned piece of poetry, really makes my heart melt.
I have three of my own, so I know exactly how you feel.
Well done.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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Aaaw
I love this, a mother's love so explicitly explained for every species. Beautiful write, great examples used and I love the pictures you have poetically painted. Definitely a beautiful pick for story telling time. -
I see why this is a gold! Tell me--how did you learn to write such good poetry? Classes, natural ability, or life pains?
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This was so sweet and it shows that you love your kids very much great work on this poem all your poems made me smile big lots of love Robin...aka SH
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this si a nice poem. I enjoied reading it... the only thing that really took away from the poem is teh fact that unicorns don't fly... oh well, it was still a beautiful poem. Thanks for entering my contest.
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i loved this it is so cute!! thank you for following all the rules and for entering. good luck in my contest
sash
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A real keeper.
This is really adorable and makes for such a good read and you know you may have something as far as writing things for children's books. I am getting some resources for them later this week as I get some money and will im them to you. Trust me you have a talent for it. I just did my applauses out again and judged a contest but do think on this. I can see the pictures of them now. This is a keeper. -
Julie,
Thank you so much for the bronze trophie! You're contest idea was teriffic! I found a few poems to bookmark myself! -
critical
aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!!! This was great! I love the animal references, it shows a mothers love is not limited to our own species. Lovely job! -
This is so sweet, great job
Lighthearted, but full of love. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Great write. A mother truly loves thier child with all her might and in return the child gives her unconditional love. Great write. D.M.
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This is wonderful. Congratulations on your win. It was well deserved
~Lyrical
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This is the best entry i have read. Your poem is so full of love just as a mother should be. Best wishes in the contest.
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sweet
this was a sweet peice of work. i nice message that you send. well done and keep it up -
Every poem deserves to be read..
~If I was a unicorn
And you my magic colt
We’d fly through cloudy rainbows
And see a lightning bolt~
Those four lines are my favorites, I like this poem alot. It expresses love and caring, Lovely Poem!! It definitly softened my heart the way you used baby animals. And you had reality, with a touch of fanasty.
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what a wonderful message for any child It's both cute and meaningful
Thank you for entering
Granny Goose
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I agree with "masterblaster", perfect for samll children, a delight to us older characters who are always young at heart. I can remeber wanting all these things for my childern and secretely for myself. Your little Travel Agency-offers the greatest trips of all. Thanks for the dream.
Mac -
Awe, this is adorable! Great children's piece, the flow is flawless. One of those poems that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling after you read it, lol. Really cute!. Muchas amor, Mandy
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Wbluerose,
Oh, actually I took zt's suggestions and edited the poem earlier today. It really did need some work, and I had asked for critical comments. Your litttle slip up is no big deal, thank you for your kind comments! -
I think I made a mistake as to whom said you need to do more work on your poem if so I am very sorry it was zt, sorry about that -
Lovely, so fresh it was a great pleasure to read, it is perfect for small children, full of tender loving care that is sorely missing today I some childrens poems but faries etc. and a talking cat Inky, this was a super read please write some more like this, I will be back, it really was a breath of fresh air, keep penning
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good write here
I liked the way you worded your poem despite what sarah said,,, how you showed the love for your child,,, very good in my own opinion. I give you two thumbs up on this poem. it's very loving, caring, and touching to the heart. good write, good job, can't wait to read more of your fine write, take a bow here and pat yourslef on the back, job well done
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very good
I liked this poem. I think this is so sweet. I liked the way the words flowed and the word choice. I think you did a great job with it. I hope you do good in the contest. Keep up the good work and please please keep penning.
~Casey~ -
Actually, I just edited it today. Thank you though! I really appreciate your nice words =)
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In order for me to be perfectly honest, I thought that it was a litle annoying. The constant repitition really took away from the poem. You got your point across in the first stanza, and then when you just repeated the same basic thing over and over and over and over and over and over (6 times, like I just did). Otherwise, it was a really good poem, but they actually might be better if all but the last stanza were individual poems, they would be really great, mostly because of them all being short and sweet. Overall, good, but consider breaking them up into seperate poems because the constant repitition did kind of get on my nerves. Keep writing and improving this and it could be really really great.
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This is so sweet, and I wouldn't change a thing. Who cares if it is a bit clumsy at times. Aren't babies? I love it just the way it is, because it cuts right to the heart of any mother, me included! Fantastic write! Keep up the good work!!!
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awwww so cute!
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Excellent edit! This flowed so much cleaner. Great job!
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Zt,
Thank you so much for taking the time to look at all that and pick it apart! I'll have to go back over it when I get the chance. I hate revising my poetry though. That part is always WORK so it may be awhile =) I meant to applaud your comment on this, but I think I might have done that on jelousy instead on accident. Anyways, thanks again!
Sarah -
As you're asking for help, I'll offer what I can. You are right. While many of the stanzas flow well, you had some trouble with some. One typo in S2L1, you want "deer". You held a ABCB rhyme pattern in S1 & 2, but then sort of randomized things. S3 you went to ABCC, which wasn't bad. S4 though??? Why did you break it up into 2+2+1 (AB+CC+D)? S5 was also five lines with ABCDB. I'd lose L4 there and maybe go with "chase" instead of "see" in L5. S6 & S7 were back to ABCB. Then you went to ABCD at the end. Edit them all to four lines and preferably all ABCB and you'll really improve this. I thought the ABCB stanzas were the best by far. Hope my ramblings helped!
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Beautiful poem of a mothers love...just beautiful...of course I am a mother....love it, thanks for sharing
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Beautiful write. Is this about you? Are you a mother Sarah? It is an amazing thing thats for sure. Great job. Peace & Love,
Ladylyric -
very nice
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good job!!!!!
'
:::mary:::: -
great
How beautiful I loved the tickle stanza
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