Close me in this box
Keep me locked away
Have your fun
while I lay in closure
trying to escape this hell
I sink into oblivion
just to add another layer to my walls
When will you learn
I don't like the sun
but without the night sky
My soul will wither
So use your key
unlock your prison
let me fly
and see no division
I want to see the world
vision eschewed
have nothing to hold me back
just the love I choose
I'd take your hand and show you
the world is a prison
meant for shallow souls
too low for our own
We could travel to distant planets
see the surface of the sun
find a new world
and discover a land of one
Leaving this all behind
I see the future clearer
with nothing to block the view
We could wish on shooting stars
and make them become reality
In our own little ways
we could pass the time
but with the sky
I find serenity
I could show you just the same
but in passing you will see
that peace is not easily achieved
without a bit of devastation
Author notes
just a random write. i have no clue where this came from. its been a hard piece to put together. i look at it now and i still want to edit it.. so yea. but for now its good. im tired of looking at it lol.
Written November 10th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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find a new world
and discover a land of one
Leaving this all behind
beautiful- and i love yer name- keep on writing don't leave- fuck that person- just write -
This is a great poem! I especially love the 3rd stanza! It's so true, every word that is written there...the flow is nice and it really carries the reader onward
Great job!
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ooh, i like the flow of this poem; starts out dark, and progresses toward hope...and then in the closing last lines you sort of explain your reasoning, i would think, of how you must brave the storms to acheive the desired...i like it
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good poem
so often one feels trapped by the one who says they love them -
Really good, i think it has a lotta expression in it! Veryl out-spoken (good thing) and i luv it!
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thy words rage within that echo rising against the wind where tears flow in that twisted journey called life... leaving one foot following the other in that path that one must use!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
This poem is absolutely beautiful. I love the word "eschewed" haha it made me laugh which is probably not what you were going for exactly but isn't it a funny word? Say it ten times fast... Sorry. Anyway, I love this poem, especially the lines: "We could wish on shooting stars
and make them become reality
In our own little ways
we could pass the time
but with the sky
I find serenity
I could show you just the same
but in passing you will see
that peace is not easily achieved
without a bit of devastation"
It just hits home. Amazing write. Keep it up! -
just to add another layer to my walls
When will you learn
I don't like the sun
but without the night sky
My soul will wither
So use your key
unlock your prison
let me fly
and see no division
I want to see the world
vision eschewed
have nothing to hold me back
just the love I choose
I'd take your hand and show you
the world is a prison
meant for shallow souls
too low for our own
my favorite parts... i know its like the whole poem but too bad! lol... jk, i lovre this piece and i hope you write more like it... good job and good luck in the future!!!
like fire
♥ßeXa -
one thumb up
totally a poem about an unbalanced love/sex situation.
Very interesting! -
Very Nice.
It is very well written and it has feeling in it.. I love it.
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This was a beautiful piece that I think needs no more revision, but then again, I am just the reader. I liked it an awful lot, I am glad that I linked around from anathematized's latest poem and stumbled upon your page.
This was descriptive, to lamely quote the above comment, and it was indeed written BY yourself, in YOUR own words, which makes it all the better to MY eyes
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wow that was really...beutiful . it's so descriptive. it gives off a nice feling of peace.
[Terje] -
I like this write! its very very good!!
We could travel to distant planets
see the surface of the sun
find a new world
and discover a land of one
Leaving this all behind
I see the future clearer
with nothing to block the view
Love'd that part great great work hope to hear more soon!
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It's more in the factor of be a bit clearer in your comments. I dont know if you're insulting me or not in either of what you put down in either of those comments. Until you just told me I wasn't sure if you liked my poem or not. Still it is not very commendable to compare to other writings you've seen or read like such. It's not kosher. In my own opinion of living my 19 years, there is always a difference in everyones work and how it is put together. It may be a same theme but it will be written in a form of their own. Maybe you need to look into poems more in depth, and not just see that it is not just about the night. there is so much more meaning behind this.
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dude, chill out!!! first of all, i did like your poem. and im not blaming you for writing something that i've heard before, because if I heard something like it before, then that's my experience and that's my view on it. maybe you haven't heard something like this before, and therefore to you it is not cliche. and I was in no means attacking you for plagarizing someone else's work; i simply meant that the ideas and mood is what ive heard before, not necessarily the words.
Lots of people aren't going to like your poems; hell, lots of people don't like mine and they tell me straight up; but you know what? i respect their opinions and I take their critisms into consideration to see how I can better my work. Maybe you should take that into consideration. nitey nite.
<3 Sara -
i dont know whether to take that in a good light or not. but if it is in a good sense, then thanks. but if not, then you need to kiss my ass. i could care less if you didnt like it or if you feel like you've 'heard' this before. i wrote this BY myself. in MY own words. now i bid you good night.
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exceptional
Ah, a poem about night. My favorite; however I felt that I have heard these words before -emo tear-. one lines holds true, though: "...peace is not easily achieved
without a bit of devastation."
<3 Sara
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what spot did it open up that you got defensive O.o..
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I told you when you first showed me this outside AP that this was a good piece form the comments given to you I see that I am right, so hah i win, the emotion in this piece really opened up a spot in my mind another reason I get so defensive I guess, but I loved how you wrote this, very you-like
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i really liked this peace.... very differnt... made me think a lot this can be intupreted in many ways.... but no less a great write..... keep it up
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Sweetcha!
Hmm...I have to agree with ShadowSoul. This does seem a lot like lyrics. Lol...when I get my guitar back I might have to make a song out of it for ya. Ah...jk jk. But, seriously...this is a really cool write. Reminds me of Aladdin on the magic carpet ride for some reason tho. *Sweatdrop* Eh heh? Yeah...lol...sry...strange mood tonight. Good news that I'll IM you with after I post this. Well, I'm rambling. Nicely done, my friend. I'll leave it at that!
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a beautiful poem with no boundaries, i liked it alot, good job
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I dont think you should edit it, it was simply wonderful, and a beautiful write at that, great job, and rambling poems are sometimes the best
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