The day had slowly darkened,
'Til dusk finally reached its prime.
The moon, it cast a radiant light,
Tonight it will be mine.
An ebony sky my eyes confronted,
Sprinkled with stars that shined.
A whispering wind blew gently passed,
As I tried to find what was mine.
I questioned the stars of life and love,
For they have seen it all.
Yet all they did was stare and blink,
'Til one finally answered my call.
"My child, what have you to fret?
Have you taken another fall?
Did you let your heart break again?
Did he forget to call?"
Smiling I spoke back to them,
"No, it's the love I have already lost."
And wisely he replied once more,
"Yes child, love has its cost."
I asked them if I'd ever forget
And they replied with accost,
"My child, you have so much to learn!
Everything has its cost."
Author notes
It's 4 in the morning, I don't usually rhyme, but darn it I wanted to enter
*yawn*
hope you like it.
You can read this poem in its entirety (darn I can't spell) if you read, "Wisdom of the Stars **Full Version**". This was shortened for the contest I entered 
Written November 8th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Sorry you didnt do so well with this one in the contest but it is a lovely piece. Very thought provoking and insightful. Thats the best kind of poetry. After reading this one and a few of your other poems I would say youre a pretty good writer.
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And another quadwaffle is born! Pass the syrup please.
A very nice piece, Mendee. I thought the picture fit the poem perfectly as well. Excellent job. Good luck in the contest.
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First of all I want to say to you that I was SO very glad to read in your author's comments that you also kept the full version of this poem as it was truly beautiful in it's entirety, quadwaval or not. The shortened version is also very lovely and shows the struggle we have with moving on and accepting that life and it's troubles, along with it's blessings usually do come with some type of cost. The cost though, for the most part is a lesson that we learn and can take with us as we move on in life and grow. Thank you for taking the time to transform this beautiful poem into a quadwaval for this contest.
~Lyrical
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*does a little dance*
YAY! I WROTE A QUADWAVAL RHYME!
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Awe, you changed it for the contest You got the format down now...nice job. I'll comment more on the poem itself at the end of the contest but this IS a quadwaval
~Lyrical
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¤claps¤
nice job w/ rhyming.
i havent really heard of a quadwaval, but ur choice of diction was effective.
simply intreging!
^_^ -
but lip quiver I can't write another
lol, this one was hard enough
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wow, this is a good poem! i like the form! i felt like i was in the poem, it's really well written, great right! ~ktd~
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amazing!
this is a very great poem..Awesomeness...
You are an awsome poet!!!!
I wanna be just like you when I grow up lol I love saying that....
Moohaha...
Great poem..awesome use of the sky and love...
very cool..and i know how the girl here feels...
thanks fer the great experience
love Danielle~
Pen On! -
As Lyrical said, you've gone way over the six stanza limit. Nevertheless, this is an incredibly beautiful poem with a background adding so much enhancement. I wouldn't change it, either... well, except for stanza 4, line 1: ..."you you" I suspect should be "you to..." Also, if you would center the poem, it would put it between the girls and show up better.
Your talent shines brightly with this lovely piece, sweetie; so, please don't even change it for this contest. Just write another!
Love and hugs, BonnieQ
Edited on Nov 08, 11:40 because ''. -
totally awesome
It may be early in the morning but you wrote a beautiful peice. I love the background as well. I can't find any helpful hints to say about it. Awesome job.
Hell Angel -
Lovely poem, and I love the background too. Unfortunately you are right that it's not quite a quadwaval. A quadwaval can only have 6 stanzas. Also stanzas 7 & 8 do not end with the same word. I do see however the up and down of emotions in some of the stanzas. Let me just say that this is a beautiful poem regardless. The contest is running until the 21st no matter how many entries so if you won't to change this one (I wouldn't, it's beautiful the way it is) or try again to write another one, you have plenty of time. Thank you for your obvious interest in this new form and I do appreciate your hard work on this lovely poem.
~Lyrical
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i love the story you have set before us. the wisdome that flows from every line. the lessons being taught. so beautiful and captivating. this is definatly a poem worth having in the feature box.
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great write. Very sweet. Like drops of sugar
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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LOVELY
this is lovely and i don't usually like to use that word. the background and wording go so well together.you get my first applause of the day at 4:30 in the mornig! -
wow.. that was a great piece i am speechless, very strong written piece.. i love it .. good work
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bravo. a perfect example of a quadwaval rhyme. beautiful poem.
the form doesn't seem forced at all . . . usually form dictating substance gets a bit tedious. well done.
now as to the substance. must say applaud the fine job here. have already mailed it to a friend who's jus lost her love of four years to another woman. hope it helps her. thanks again.
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