Take me away from this place,
please, take me anywhere but here.
This place, used to be home,
now it is just suffocating me.
Ever since I met you,
I have been telling you my dreams,
my aspirations, and now with you,
they are slowly becoming true.
So take me away from this place,
this place that would be the death
of me and my dreams.
Author notes
this is still a work in progress, I am not sure I like it right now, maybe its late so I cant really tell.
Written November 8th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be repaid if due
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I like this. I always like what you write... always always always. If it is a work in progress then dont stop!!!! hehehe, keep writing, always, keep writing!
Kayla Dawn -
Mmm, this poem didn't particularly tickle my fantsy personally. You used your puncuation well, I just felt as if you might have been able to word it differently. You used a lot of cliche terms, such as telling someone your dreams/fears/etc (not saying you used all of them, but pointing out overused terms) and speaking of your life being as death. Perhaps saying the same thing, but with twists? I would love to give examples, but, as you said it's late, and my brain isn't working right.
This isn't a bad poem by any means, and I know I use the same cliches in my own work
I was just trying to be honest, please take no offense!
Keep writing! I'd love to read more of your work. -
Sounds like a Hollywood enima.
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