He bottles
The lemonade label days
Immortalised in fleeting black and white
Thinking of all the times
He wanted something
Now he just wants it all
To fade away
She stirs
The breath spiralling into winter air
As it rises from porcelain lips
Reflecting blackness, her scrying act shows decaf lives
And she knows she wants it all
And she wants it all now
So that the next moments can be empty of this gall
She sits alone, nomad of coffee houses
Ignoring bitter tears
He pours over little flat boxes
Which hold the story of One Lover in days grown old
Now, nursing half another's heart,
The words unsaid spiral with steaming sighs
And fall in lemonade tears
Author notes
Written November 6th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
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This is very technically worded as usual, this seems to be a common thing with you and i just cant get enough of it... i love little arbitrary phrazes that make no sense untill you think really hard about them... it makes the poem exciting and allows you to read it more than once without getting old... great job on this one, the only thing is the spelling on a few things, im sure you can just go fix that for yourself, but i figured i would point it out anyway... great job again
~Ethan -
lemonade and coffee mmmmmmmm lovely.
I love this. Every time I read it I find something new. Porcelain lips, for example, at first reading i took them to be her own. But now I see they're not. Also, the phrase "half an other's heart". It rings very true. In fact the whole poem is just...wonderful.
I'm sorry, this comment is horribly rambling and probably doesn't make much sense. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it is a fantastic poem and I am rapidly running out of superlatives to describe it. -
Wow. This was great. I'm so glad your name caught my attention in the 'Who's Online' box.. Your choice of words is amazing. The last stanza is my favorite, but I also loved this line: "She sits alone, nomad of coffee houses." Beautiful. Wonderful write.. I'm off to read more.
xx Jess -
Ooooooh, I LOVE this. The style is so wonderfully confusing. The imagery is cool too, and the way you use poetic and supernatural imagery to emphasise just how benile reality is... Very, very cool
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"Scrying" is a technique used by psychics.. It involves staring into a black mirror or a pool of black water and deciphering the images which appear within it. I used the idea her because she's meant to be staring into her coffee cup and thinking about deep things... or something like that anyway... and coffee is a pool of black water.. I don't know, sometimes I come up with wierd imagery!
Thanks for your comment! -
true
yes, i like the eay you've written this poem.
it's compact and focused and has a good balance of vivid images and telling statement.
the first two lines and the last three of the poem especially are excellent lines of true poetry...
what does 'scrying' mean?
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