The Angel set sail on bloodied seas,
Black sun, dark abyss that guided,
Hung merely by a silver thread,
Stretching, contorting, and wicked.
"Seven eternities to suffer."
One for each the bowels of Hell.
Fallen Angel drifted on in death clad seas,
By dark abyss, black sun, that swallowed,
Hung merely by a silver thread,
Pulled taut, splitting, and murderous.
Time shattered, mutilated hope the break,
Visions of the cross, inverted, rippled out of the red,
The world's umbilical cord had been cut,
That black sun, dark abyss, destroying,
Fallen from a silver thread,
Distortion, engulfing, leaving nothing in it's path.
"They're all to blame," the Angel whispered,
And melted into crimson death,
With him Angel took their salvation,
Leaving Hell to collapse on them all,
Woeful fate the world was to face.
Author notes
I've edited this three times now and still don't have it exactly the way I want it, but I'll fix it up when inspiration next chooses to strike.
Written November 5th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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wow! This was great. You did a great job with the imagery and detail. Keep it up
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This was awsome. I really enjoyed reading it you have a lot of talent and I really liked this, it kept me into it, it had a nice flow and it was really intresting keep up the good work, ttyl.
Joshuacrisel -
Thank you. I know parts of it are a little choppy and sense wise don't really add up, but I'm working on it... There will definetely be a fourth edit as soon as I can come up with how I'd like to fix it.
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This line doesn't make too much sense to me at the end, the way it's worded: 'Time shattered, mutilated hope the break,'
'hope the break' I don't even have a suggestion for you, I am sure a fourth edit could be in question or perhaps it's what you meant, I do not know.
It's a nice piece, it could use a few more edits here and there, condensed wise and all. But it's a nice piece that you have written here.
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Hmmm...I really enjoyed this...can't ever get enough of that 'gloom and doom' poetry! lol Honestly, there was some really fantastic and vivid imagery expressed here, with just enough grace to make it seem almost Paradise Lost-ish, lol. Very finely crafted and presented. Great job.
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I really liked this one, you sure know how and what to say. Great job on this piece. Jody
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Great
Think the word should be "Guided" not guded.... I liked this dark poem, normally not my style...there was a hidden something in this poem and I am still seeking it out, but it is there..lurking in the dark Abyss
Great work 
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Nicely done. I like it alot. It could be a song.
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