Now I lay me down to sleep
And pray the Lord my soul to keep
But soon the dreams will haunt my head
As demons dance above my bed
Tortured in this night time place
I close my eyes and fall from grace
And when I wake I live to tell
Secrets from the depths of hell
Where fallen angels laugh at me
And satan rules the night, you see
And when the morning sun appears
The Lord he comes to dry my tears
Two worlds collide within my soul
Where evil visions take their toll
A haunted angel - born again
Praise to God - my daytime friend
Author notes
Written November 5th, 2004
A contest entry
- Your Inner Darkness by The Warmaster.
300 points, ended May 27, 2005, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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9.5/10
I don't feel qualified really to comment - however, I will. I thought this was a wonderful effort. But just one thing - a minor point - the last line IMO lets it down, from a rhyming point of view. I know that the term "daytime friend" is important in context - but, out of context slightly, but rhyming better would be "Prince of men"!
However, you may not agree, but I just thought I'd bring it up.
Well done.
Robin. -
Wow this is way cool. I love the darkness in this piece, yet it has a shiver of light. Like the silver lining in a dark cloud. Great write.
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I love dark pieces with great imagery and perfect rhyming...so you can imagine how much I enjoyed this poem. I like the twist from the original bedtime prayer
This is very well done and the flow was wonderful...
The picture was a bit odd but it went very well with this poem
-Emily
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oooh. this is nce but I think you should go more into it
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I have to pray for the Lord to keep me from having nightmares and even from "sinning in my dreams". I think by this piece you know what I am saying. I could be wrong, but I really think you know what I mean.
Very lyrical and profound piece.
Sam
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WOW this was really really cool.. I love this version of the old bedtime prayer... Really good job done here.. Nice twist from the original...
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Flawless!
Unbelievable! A totally different mood than the previous and just as skillfully crafted. Your originality is as amusing as Frost's
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The rhyme was right on and the meter in this one is PEFECT! In the last I commented on, I could see why it may have been more difficult (a lot more of a story to tell, and longer phrasings) but this was right on. (Oh, how I love forms... probably why you get good scores from me 
).
I loved the escape to hope that you leave us with. The contrast of darkness and likeness is used very nicely here in the litteral way (day/night) and in the spiritually way (good/evil). You seem to have captured Hawthorne's favorite device in this one - Symbolism!
I have no suggestion...
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Well done, really! It is kind of short yet amazingly full of emotion and talent. Your way with beautiful words stands strong.
xxBellaxx -
OOO nice poem! The picture creeped me out though !
-April
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Great rhyme, and flow and all of that... I, can see the irony...but then, I see irony in everything. Smiles.
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Rhyme and meter were perfect here, so yeah, I definitely appreciate that. I can't really see the irony here, although I have to say I just really enjoyed reading this piece regardless.
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WOW. i love that!
THat was awesum..
Keep it up!
XDarkAngelX -
Awesome
Simply stunning. Everything about it was great--the rhyming fit perfectly and made sense, and, hardest of all, you kept perfect rhythm. The content was dark and haunting. Great job--keep this up! -
funny how it seems when its dark that everything is evil and its unspeakable that everything is ok, great rhyme and great imagery perfect feeling also
-rik -
wow its is really good and i really like the picture.
sad shasta -
Beautiful piece to match the beautiful picture!
Love the overall feel and vibes you can feed off this - dark, just how I like it! It has that general mood and energy about it that leaves you tingling throughout.
I like the way religion has been entwined throughout to give it a unique, gothic feel.
Well done, kim -
Great Write!!!
Wow! THis Poem is freakin awesome!!!! I love it! I like how you used the beginning of a prayer for this piece. I liked the rhyming and the group of 4 lines! Keep up the awesome work! Bye Bye
3 Sam 3 -
srry sweeti i accdently clicked on it...i will give you the points i just wasted
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YEs indeed, this is a wonderful piece of work you have here. It is indeed amazing. I like it a lot. Keep up the wonderful job. You have a bless day
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WOW! That was amazing! wow wow wow wow wow wow wow!!! okay no that I'm calm...im applauding...keep it up!
-Michelle
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good
this is extremely good...I like the flow of it. Keep up the good work -
I really loved this poem and the contradiction of the two 'world' you wrote about! There was a nice, steady flow in it and the rhymes didn't seem to be forced at all!
Keep up the great writing!
Leander -
I love the fine line you found here between good/evil and night/day. This is dark, yet inviting and depressing, yet enlightening at the same time. Great write, lovely picture also.
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Brilliant
From Penthouse Suite to this! I am just utterly and completely blown away!!! Perfection at it's best.It's not just the meter,or the imagery.It flows off the tongue with creamy perfection! And though it is about nightmares, said aloud, it's smooth and silky. I think that is what gets me. The contrast. That while the topic is dark, in the spoken word it's light! Oh my God! I can hear Vincent Price saying this and with his voice just adding that chill and still being so intrigued that you can't stop yourself from listening. Awesome job my friend. Awesome job. -
Thumbs up. lol
PERFECT flow. Absolutely amazing. Perfect rhyme. I like how it goes along with the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer. Great poem. -
this is a great peom great job, ive been reading some really good ones latly. this one is really good, you don't really take the time to think about this kind of stuff, great write. Keely
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Haha awesome, very well written, I love how you started it off from the famouse bedtime prayer. Very cool. And your wording was perfect as was the flow. Bravo hun. Very very well done.
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wowza..... i little more religious than i'd do, but fuckin amazing!!! write like the wind!
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That was awesome. I loved how you stuck to the nursery rhyme prayer. that was really good. i also liked how you intricately wove nightmares and praying into one. Great Job
Heather -
That is Beautiful i dont know what to say about it except that. i Am speechless - andi
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WONDERFUL
WoW i love this!!!!!! This is the best thing i've EVER read! Keep up the wonderful work SegarFan!!!!!! Bravo and Encore!!!!
~laura -
Don't really like "Godly" poems but i like this one just because you turned the lords prayer into something dark
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wow. i love this poem beyond comrehension. The images it coungers up in my mind as reading it is amazing. I wonder, Might I out it on my authors page with your name as credit? that is how much I like this poem. well done
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I dont suppose you like Metallica...first two lines a very similar to one of there songs.. Nice write.
-Zealous- -
A+++++++++++++++
What a great write. I just can't tell you how ecstatic I am for reading this. The flow was excellent, and I just love the creativity in making this. the imagery was wonderful, and the overall complexion of the poem was amazing. I really loved this one, yes, loved this one. It's the greatest rendition of that prayer I have ever read, and quite possibly ever will read. And the way it was dark, you not praying for goodness at all. I loved that point of view and I just loved this poem. -
great piece.. i wish i could flow with that ease as this fantastic read did.
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Wow, this was a masterpiece in my book. I don't have points because I don't comment much so I can't applaud, but wow, this was amazing. I have seen so many start out with the Now I lay me down to sleep, bit but you did it so unique . great write!
Kristy
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WOW this is amazing, the imagery is so unique and powerful. a great concept. the flow is very nice, not to rushed but not to slow. my favourite line has to be 'secrets from the depths of hell' its easier to say 'it takes me to hell' but when you put it like this the whole ordeal seems misterious and unimaginable. i hope you dont have dreams like this. my best ~tazmin~
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holy s@&%t
this is wonderful. i loved it truly brillant.it flows and the images can be felt. -
The allusion to the nursery rhyme works well with a poem about nightmares, as they can make us feel helpless as a frightenend child.
Just to give you some hope. Once I became about twenty-four, I stopped having nightmares. I think I can attribute it to the fact that I realized I can not control the people or circumstances that surround me, but that I am in complete control of how I respond. May your nightmares disappear. -
Liquid
Excellent rhythm!
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