Leaning against a tree
Tall and lanky
He gives her a bright smile
And asks, "Will you be my wife, my lover
Will you go with me the extra mile?"
Taken by surprise
She inhales sharply then whispers
"I'll go with you"
As tears well up in her eyes.
"Meet me by the waterfall
When the moon is rising high
For tomorrow, my darling girl,
I'll be yours, and you'll be mine!"
He exclaims as he rides off on his mare
Into the night
Neither had a clue
That a shadow was lurking there.
Pushed from behind, into the water she falls
Yanked back hard onto dry land
Her corset he unfastens
And her skirt he up-hauls
Her virginity, he has ruined
As he sweats and grunts
She tries to struggle
She fears her lover will no longer want her in the end.
Writing him a letter, the ink starts to smear
Telling him what happened
And the guilt felt inside
It's steadily getting harder to hold back the tears.
"I'm sorry, my darling," she begins to write
Our future is over
Before it could ever start
For I cannot face to meet your eyes tomorrow night.
Standing by the river in the clear moonlight
He wonders if she's forgotten
Or taken back her word
And will not meet him here tonight
Walking slowly home
He kneels down by roadside
Takes his bayonet to spear his heart
He cannot live without her, alone.
For days she has cried
Her letter never made it to her lover, fair
Still she knows not
That he has died
She calls on him, her lover, she seeks
At this bad news
Her heart breaks silently
And her knees go weak.
Up the rocks she does climb
Her heart is crying soulfully
For her husband to be
She can't stay behind
As she runs, she does not stall
Memories flashing through her mind
She opens her arms wide
For her lover to catch her, as she plunges and falls.
Author notes
Uhm, well I'm not sure yet what other's have written for this contest. But this is the feeling I got from listening to that song. I know, my imagination gets carried away at times. I just pictured these two lovers meeting and making a date to get married and then she is raped and feels guilty and that her future husband will not want her anymore. And he goes to meet her the next night and thinks she's changed her mind and commits suicide. She then calls on him and finds what he has done and goes to that same waterfall and jumps because she cannot live without him.
Written October 28th, 2004
A contest entry
- lover's suicide by Trueloveneverdies.
300 points, ended November 30, 2005, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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its so sad!! what song were you listening to when you wrote this? this is a really good poem, i love the idea of it even though its depressing...awesome poem!
byez
~Tainted ♥ -
Wow. Really sad. Has, of course, a Romeo and Juliet air to it. Irony makes the best tragedy. Has a historical air to it as well, so it is admissable into the contest.
Reads like a story, which is nice in a poem. Very smooth and flowing.
Must be a very sentimental young man to kill himself just because she didn't show up!! But, alas, that is how love works sometimes. It is a shame that a woman was considered ruined back in the day if she had been touched--even against her will. Men, on the other hand, were aloud their "exploits." Glad that has changed now!! Well, somewhat, anyway. Thanks for this touching entry into my contest.
Princess -
Your a wonderful story teller..you had a beginning, middle and end, each very well pronounced. Bravo!!! Excellent entry~vj
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2 thumbs up! Good work
Very good,it's beautifully written. From beggining to end it all flowed very well and it all made sense! If anyone has ever read my poetry they have no clue what I'm talking about. Anyway I wish more people could write like you, I LOVE dark sad stories.
Thanks for writing,
Nicole -
This is so good. I loved it. Good luck!
STAC
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i like this poem..its reads like a story..and has a good flow. on the other hand it wasnt that original...its the romeoe and juliet ending with a twist... love the part about the shadow lurking that foreshadows whats to come..it was beatifully written but not as insightful to life as i had hoped
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YA
Really good, the whole story flowd, no lines were foced in which is what i liked the most -
Wow, this was amazing. Very imaginative, very good. I loved the ending. Good luck in my contest!
-x-Tiff-x- -
Wow this is really cool! I love the story. Its almost like a twisted Romeo and Juliet but not really. The idea of love that strong makes me happy. I know that may sound weird becuase it made them cummit suicide but it proves that death is not the strongest thing on earth but indeed that love is. Love most be stronger then death to over power it. Even if someone you love has died you can still love them, making love stronger then death. I just hope that love that strong is real. I have not found someone stronger then I have before but how strong I am not sure of yet. Great job on this, it truly is amazing.
Lost in life,
xshadowxgirlx -
wow. this was sad. it reminded me of romeo and juliet -- only a little different. interesting story -- rather sad. i liked it... i like sad writes.
good work
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such a pretty poem. really pretty. well done.
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that was truly beautiful.
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This is indeed rather tragic, but it seems to me to be missing lots of emotion, like what she was feeling at the deepest parts of her soul and he the broken heart shattering within him, and the rapist the want for her... well, you know what I mean by now. You've got the story down, but now you need to add the fine details and you've got yourself a masterfully written piece. Nicely done though.
Thankies muchly for entering and I hope the sweetest of dreams find you! ~D~ -
A powerful poem, great job, its really sad, but written in such a beautiful way, i could feel myself almost tear up at times.
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Wow, I really like this. It's almost like a modren day Romeo and Juliet isn't it? You wrote very vividly I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your comments to my son and myself. Good luck to you in this contest.
~Destiny~ -
Wow. Every lone just added to the imagery of the everything. Overall I think it was rather sad, and yet, it was beautiful. Excellent.
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this is absolutly amazing... the imagry. the way you just explained everything.. wow.. you are an incredible writer!! great poem!! peace
jess -
This is very sad and poignant. The ending was powerful as well. dang.
I feel all bummed out now.
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This is really really sad... i like the last verse the most
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wow this is...great. i've never thought of a situation like this before, although I felt the same way as the girl did after the same......incident happened to me. it really does take a toll on one's self esteem and idea of self worth.. and as for the man's point of view, i see it also. the feeling of rejection sometimes can make people do awful things.. or at least want to...this is a great write of both points of view.
"If love were a choice, who would choose such exquisite pain?" -Tuptim from Anna and the King
luve,
sweethart xoxo -
beatiful, and well written.
almost like romeo and juliet, its beautiful and one can vision the whole thing very well. -
awesome!
Wow.. This brings a tear to my eyes. I really like it!! I can see the whole set in my head, and it really kinda brings out life today... Good Job!
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