No words for you,
they don't seem to work anyway
i am left as barren
as the tree we shared
so many afternoons under
you say you just can't,
can't do this anymore,
it's not my fault...
of course
but who's then?
the leaves that have gone away?
the wind that does nothing
but play?
the vibrant colors of your love
slowly fade to brown
and i am stunned to the reality
that you won't be around
the autumn that was once us
has wandered into the winter
Author notes
picture by drainoutmylungs
drainoutmylungs.deviantart.com/
In a list
A contest entry
- If You Go Away... by PVT Praters Girl.
400 points, ended November 1, 2004, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Excellent !
I really liked this poem. I'm sure we've all been in this situation, of saying goodbye to some one we love.
Keep up the great work.
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I really love your poetry..it just seems so delicate..wonderfully crafted. the last stanza seems to wrap up the poem really well and it makes me feel cozy inside to be such a sad poem
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again awesome job JON JON JON JON JON isn't he such a wonderful thing? lol
-Peace
**FreaK**
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beautiful
Beautifully written. I really enjoyed reading your poem. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for commenting on my poem: Please Don't go away. I value your opinion. In answer to your question: Kirk is doing very good and he is so loving. I think he fell in love with me again. Praise the Lord. I fell in love with him deeper than before. Thanks for caring and asking.
I am the host of the Angels Group. I invite you to become an Angel and join us. The link is on my Author's page.
God is blessing you!
Dawn
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Love that is about to die like the autumn leaves. And it feels like a slow death. I think you did a great job. Good luck with the contest. Bluebird
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Wonderful piece and so true. When you feel it slipping aways usually it is. Of course it is not our faults never is, that is just a reason for them to leave. Then another season when you meet someone else GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE LAURA
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very pretty, like a old story placed into a sleep to awit revivla
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Wow very very nice. I felt such saddness out of this poem. I hate to think of anyone feeling this bad. The barren tree was an awesome metaphor too. I hope you win this contest!
~Destiny~ -
The timing leaves me unable to comment. Sorry.
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great write. I've had almost the same experience except durin the summer instead of autumn. Sometimes it's just over for no reason.
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Wonderful... great wording..
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That's so beautiful! It's got that real sense of longing and almost abandonment. I really really like this poem.
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very nice.
i think we have all hearsd those wrods before.
the allusion to winter is good.
cuz thats what it feels like.
this is very heartful and emotional
and you have done a very nice job of expresing the emoiton.
very nice write.
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This was really sad, but I really loved it! I loved the symbolism and the emotion in this piece was just amazing. I'd love to tell you my favorite part of this, but it all was just so wonderful. Well, the part that is mainly staying in my head right now are the lines:
the autumn that was once us
has wandered into the winter
That really hit me for some reason. Anywho, I really enjoyed reading this. I'd love to applaud, but I've used up all mine for the day so I must come back later. Amazing piece, and Thank you very much for sharing.
~Elizabeth -
I like this! great metaphoric poem. the picture of the vibrant colors of love slowly fading to brown is excellent.
a lot of feeling in this poem. poignant, like watching pastel leaves fall in autumn. excellent writing.
~travis
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This is very sad...very very sad. I love how the emotion was honest and sincere, and pure, and how the poem took the reader through that..like you're looking back on a memory that still hurts, and you're still a little surprised at it. I liked how it all came together. Really nicely done, thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
~blessings~
~rora -
great write! graphic with very subtle rhymes which one might almost completely miss. though we don't have autumns in Africa we do have the equivalent
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Very beautiful and well written. The wording is just perfect for what you're trying to describe. You described it all so well.
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I LOVE the symbolism in this! That last line was great. Such a beautiful poem, one that really hits home with me. I agree, it's perfect.
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An awesome metaphor for fading love. I loved the imagery that you used. The begining of the fifth stanza is really great. Its perfect.
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Excellent write!
Hi Whisper,
This was so sad and touching. This could be a metaphor for love that is lost, as well as seeing the season change. You have seriously written something quite special my friend. bThis was just masterfully written. It is perfect on all counts. The lenght is perfect, and your words are touching and poignant. All in all this was just a perfect write that I think a lot of people can relate to, including me. Thank you for sharing your words with me.
--Johnny
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