on this mountain
with its eternal winter
still her memory
brings me warmth
and ice on my sleeve
Andrew Hide
25~10~2004
Author notes
Written October 25th, 2004
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1 - 19 of 19
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This is a very nice tanka. I love the pivot line, the subtle turn at the center of the poem, ie., L3 and how it connects and leads the reader from the image of nature{a mountain with its eternal winter} to the emotions of a lover for his love who is no more in this world..i.e., between the physical outer world and the non-physical inner world. At the pivot point, you put the image of "her memory"{which I see as the memory of the person you loved} which is related to the preceding two lines{and is on an exterior subject - that is, someone's memory} and the lines that follow the pivot that are written on another subject{warmth and ice on your sleeve} which is{warmth is} an internal subject. Your feelings are poured out in the last two lines when you say that her memory brings you warmth and ice on your sleeves! Your tanka is simple, concise and a reflection of nature. In minimal words, a very beautiful image is put forth. It speaks of deep love for a love long gone. Since tankas were originally written between lovers, this really brings out the beauty of the tanka even better. The 5 lines of the tanka seamlessly flow into one thought combining nature and the relationship between you{the author} and the one you loved. I really liked how this tanka harmonised your emotional life with the element of nature{of the outer world} used to portray it. In 23 syllables{4-7-4-3-5}, you've shared alot! I love the background too!
Thank you for sharing,
Charishma
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thought of love will warm the coldest of weather. this is both beautiful and thought provoking. well said
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So much meaning behind so few words. It's always amazing when so little can say so much. Nice write!
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Very nicely written- the juxtaposition comes through very well!
Great tanka
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OMG... this is short and so very good... !!! I love this very much and it is great and...wow i am at a lose for words... becuase it is short but so powerful and great poets can do that... wow
great job!!!
KEEP UP THE WORK!!!,
-Ali*~ -
It's remarkable that 5 little lines can portray such feeling - thank you
Diz
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wow i actually under stand this
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Andrew,
A great tanka...perfect in fact. It shows such emotion and your surroundings enhance the meaning even more. I was wondering, is there supposed to be any capitalization at all in Tankas or is it by an author's preference? Just curious. This was really good.
Madama Mystery
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A wonderfully crafted poem that definitively shows why you are the teacher, we the pupils. I am honored by this presentation. Stu
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I feel horrible attempting to comment on work that is so above me. So, let me save the 'this is great', 'I love it', yada yada yada. But, this IS great and I DO love it. It's amazing how a talented writer can condense so much meaning into so little. This also makes me realize I need to educate myself to write form poetry, hehe.
Jenn -
Sad yet with hope
Hi Andrew:
Nice to hear from you again. A sad write with a ray of hope. Tankas are my favorite form and you did a wonderful job with this one. Thanks for sharing this with us. Bill -
Andrew.It is great to see you poetuizing dnce again.I was grounded for quite a while due to the hurricane Charly which devestated my home.Now comes the rebuilding.Looks like a lenghy process.Enjoyed your excellent Ianka.Bill
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good
Oh this was so good .Love the background picture and I felt the sadness -
Very impressing work here- !
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Excellent piece of poetry you have here. The warmth of love touching your mind. Nicely blended with the cold surrounding.
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So good to see a new poem posted on your page again
As usual, aperfect tanka with a sad imagery though.
I hope you be ok, and always wishing you well
Mari
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OK this is incredibly sad. beautiful but sad. It speaks of a great loss, but a strong memory. I hope this is not autobiographical.
Susan -
I like it... I am too amazed with the depth, even in it's shortness.
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wow..this is beautiful. i like it....its amazing how you can write a short beautiful piece. it has a deep meaning as deep as emotion....nice
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