As stumbled in the dark
Tired being in this lark
Life full of uncertainties
Hard to comply equities
Created my own despair
It wasn’t meant to impair
Yet I was caught by fate
The truth I began to hate
Trapped in my disguise
Never thought it may arise
Does it worth be the price
Does it worth the sacrifice
Heart miserable and vain
My soul in so much pain
Tormented upon my sanity
Shattered with extremity
To surpass my bitter days
My angel has a lot of ways
A smile, brightens my day
Soft touch for me to stay
Rewarded me of happiness
All from his sweet caress
Looks that make me survive
A kiss that keeps me alive
Little creature of my life
Takes me away from a strife
And hold my hands to stand
From shadow of each strand
I ended up with a wrong one
Wished to escape and be gone
Yet I remain, without regret
For I have my Angel’s breath.
Author notes
Life really sucks and complicated sometimes yet in a way it's beautiful too.
Written October 24th, 2004
A contest entry
- Mi Uno Inspiracion (My first Inspiration) by dycz.
300 points, ended April 2, 2005, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Kevan.
390 points, ended March 3, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Great Work
This is an awesome poem. I really enjoyed it and I hope to enjoy many of your other pieces. I love the message of hope this poem contains. Keep writing b/c you have got talent.
-Bethany -
A very sad but sweet poem, in all the darkness there is the angel, this was a pleasure to read, all the best in the comp, the flow was good a very nice feel to this poem, all the best and God bless, hugs Di
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well, well, well...
Something in disguise!!!
I learned a lesson on this piece of yours that you should never give up...... because somehow a spark of light will glow from your darkest evening.... somehow a bird will fly from the zenith of the sky..... just hold on... you'll see.... the angel's breath is just there to blow the dust from your heart!!
thanks for sharing it with us!!
more power!!
~dycz
Good luck!! -
lovely
I loved how this started out more dark and depressing and then gave light in the end. You did a very good job with this poem. It sorta captures life, at first when ur in a bad situation that is all you can see but after a while some beauty comes out of it. It was really good. I liked this stanza, I felt like I could identify with it:
Created my own despair
It wasn’t meant to impair
Yet I was caught by fate
The truth I began to hate
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beautiful
A lovely peace full of inspiration.This flowed beautifully..Well done
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nice poem,I really enjoyed this poem,and thank you for entering my contest and best of luck....luvmybabys....
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Your words speak of great pain and sorrow and yet also of hope and something/person, which makes it all worth while. Thought evoking words which touch the heart. blessing, sharon
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wow
whoa buddy....very nice...nice indeed. liked the rhyming and its good to see someone who doesnt struggle to fit the rhymes in and make it sound too tense or difficult. this was a part of you and now its here for us to read -
quite a unique write my friend. i like you word choice and all the imagry that you used... i could feel all the emotion put into this piece... its very heartfelt. you managed to keep a steady mood and rhythmic flow throughout the entire piece. you had a good opening and a solid end... keep up the good work my friend and alwaise remember to stay true to youraself and to your heart, or else you'll be no more...
*LuNaR* ~ stephen -
a dark start to your poem but as it progressed it got lighter and lighter, i liked that aspect as opposed to it getting darker, good poem.
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At first I didn't like the rhyming, but the other words put together made a nice poem. I like the title/theme. I especially like the lines "A kiss that keeps me alive". Very pretty. Nice write.
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this was very beautiful i loved it it was a sweet deep poem and i wish u the best of luck in the contest
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For every negative, a positive can be found; for every gray cloud there is a silver lining: we've only to look closely. After all, God said, "Give me your pain, and I will turn it into a blessing. I feel this poem clearly conveys this message and does it quite well.
Good luck in the contest! Love and hugs, BonnieQ
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Keep holding onto that angel. Until theyre as gone as you are, theyll never let you down, and theyll send you dreams that give you hope in levels of extremities. As to the poem, I loved the flow, but I think you can fix a few forced rhymes. Overall, I love the idea and the poem.
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Hi Bullet...
Upon reading this, you brought me to another level all together where I was able to see pass the words and into someone who is deeply troubled and tourmented beyond a shadow of a doubt.... Completely fits the bill of 'trying times' and I do admit reaches out to me where I feel the message through the undertones of this piece...thank you for bearing your soul, and helping me to understand!
Ate 'Mo' -
i was taken with the content of this poem. you describe sorrow and survival well. the ending stanza is a lovely, and hopeful conclusion to the pain so vividly expressed in the first stanzas. your rhyme is creative! i love creative and unique rhymes, you have several throughout this piece and it added to holding my interest. the only place i stumbled in the least is with the phrase 'does it worth' but that could be in my reading as it is early. your meter flows on to a wonderful rhythm. excellent.
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I absolutely loved this! You have a nice way of rhyming with just the right use of words. You did a lovely job.
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Closure, hope whatever you want to call it. This poem does seem to take the reader to a nice ending.
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youve got good rhythym in this, and nice rhym as well, the ending is really great, gives a sense of closure to the poem.....i can never do that
lol nyhow, good luck in the contest
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