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Haiku - Birds




bold crimson bird

steals unwary warbler’s worms

cardinal sins.





Patricia Gibson-Williams

Author notes


Written October 23rd, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • invested
    November 7, 2004
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    Through my short time of reading lots of poetry I have learned to love haikus, because even if the author who wrote them is a horrible writer they die quickly and are fairly easy to read.
    However with this haiku I was not glad it was short, the writing was good enough it could have supported a much larger poem as well. It was very good description of a bird.
    I also admire the format as I have trouble with it myself.
    Good job


  • Maatkara gold member
    October 29, 2004
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    Congratulations on your Bronze, Patti! I loved this one, well done!

    ~ G


  • wmike145
    October 28, 2004
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    warbler's worms. that was cool. Congrats on third place amongst this sea of entries.


  • M.A.King
    October 28, 2004
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    the last line is a bright lift to this haiku. congratulations on the bronze. a wonderful haiku


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    October 28, 2004
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    Congrats on your trophy! This was adorable.


  • MagicLady silver member
    October 27, 2004
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    You did a very good job with your haiku here. I like the the last line with the cardinal sins line. It gave us that final wrap up line that a haiku should do.
    Cardinals have wonderful songs, and sing all day. They mate for life in most cases. Unless one bird dies.

    Thank you for your entry, it is very nice. I hope you don't mind me adding the photo link.

    Cheryl

    animaltrial.com/cardinalbird.html
    In the 1800s Cardinals were much-sought-after cage birds highly valued for their color and song. Thousands were trapped in the south in the winter and sent to northern markets, and thousands more were sent to Europe. This trade ceased, fortunately, with the passage of the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918. Isn't that interesting???


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    October 25, 2004
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    LOL, great ending. Nicely structured haiku, from what I know..just learning myself. I like this. Well done.

    ~Lyrical


  • Dutch Doll
    October 24, 2004
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    Wow... I love the haiku/senryu structure, and this was really great. First line captures the imagry of the bird very well.... off to the next


  • Venessa
    October 24, 2004
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    Hehe cleaver. I also like Haiku well atleast a good one. This was good! Great job!!


  • Mythtress
    October 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    WOO-HOO! I love haiku! And I loved your play on words in this one. Great!!!

  • Maatkara gold member
    October 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Haha! Very clever pun and great image! Nicely done, Patricia.

    ~ G

1 - 11 of 11