And the black magic crow surveyed the battlefield
Perched on a dead mans, bloodied, silver, mystic shield
I will fight this force, I will not yield
As it tries to turn me totally against murder and war
And tries indeed to stop my spiritual soul, that would soar
Makes principled men into Jezebels, prostitutes and whores
Makes battles romantic and part of our fables and folklore
But the dead armoured soldiers eye had noted the score
Captured still life indeed, the picture , the horror of the
battle in the heather
That still allowed blood to redden the black of my black feather
And I returned back in time
As I stood on a regimented line
You will not be killed, you will be fine!
Advance and engage!
With the purest of rage!
The clash and the clunk of swords lashing the blood flesh
And all the time, we were stuck in a time mesh
Slashing and blooding for eternity
A perpetual force having eye for an eye, in order to see
The folly and stupidity of war, that will always
and forever be
And the crow it did soar, from the magnetised
force of death
There were none of them left living, they had all
gasped their last breath
Author notes
A total hatred of war and the murder, the horror in men's hearts and the eyes that record and see. Written October 22nd, 2004 Dark Fantasy....Totally Antiwar.
In a list
A contest entry
- Oorah! Ya understan' that. by a sweetheart lost.
300 points, ended June 28, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - World of War by Lively Matter.
1200 points, ended April 15, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me your Warface!!!!!! by Fenrir Rising.
1050 points, ended June 24, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Final Stand by DeadofKnight.
525 points, ended July 14, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Dark Fantasy~ by XxMysticalFantasyxX.
700 points, ended September 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Very good!
I just started a contest about a war story with 1750 points in prizes. I would be honored if you submitted an entry.
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really well done! great write and thanks for entering this contest!! Good luck and keep writing!
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Yes, war is a horrible, but sometimes necessary evil. Too bad mankind has not matured enough to decide there should be other ways to settle their differences. Maybe one day, before I die, those ways will be found. Good luck in the contest.
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Nice
I love the imagerying in this. and Crows rule
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Excellent. Your use of the crow to see all is fantastic. Makes me think of the ravens in Norse mythology.... thanks for this great entry!
By the way, my brother, Diddashn, is sick, so I am now your judge. He just asked me to judge this contest, and I hope to get it done today. Thanks for your entry and patience. -
Excellent Job
Wow this is really good. But please next time follow the rules. I asked for no cussing. But since it is such a good poem I'll accept it. You did an amazing job. Its too bad that the soldiers had to die in the end. That made me sad. Especially since my brothers over there. But I have faith he'll return home unlike those unlucky soldiers in your poem. Excellent Job!! Excellent. Your portrayed the feeling of soldier fighting another really well. In fact maybe a lil too well. Are you a soldier?
God Bless
Your 1 out of 5 rating:
~Ashley~
Edited on Jan 04, 7:16 because 'I forgot your one out of 5 rating'. -
u entered alot of poems and each one i read is better then the last.
good luck with my contets.
-hessa -
Bravo!
Very profound and thought inspiring write, another gem entered into this contest! I enjoyed the emotion in this piece, the anger and hatred that is wrapped up in a wonderfully written poem! I agree with the feelings behind this write.
Bestest wishes and all that other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
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wow leeche you never seem to have a good poem because every poem i read of yours is great! it is always better then the last one its like you build up to the next poem and hit it with a bang and then try to do the same and better with the next one., nice job on this keep it up I love your work. -lacer
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Quite simply this is an astounding piece of writing, no matter what your opinion is. I like to think that there aren't too many people in this world who find war beautiful. Especially the wars that we wage in this generation. Where we send our men and women to die. For what? A leader's pride? Oil? It's sad really. Fantastic write!
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Powerful
I found this to be one of the most powerful pieces I have read...Truly it says so much with so few words...The passion behind the words is so easily felt...I have never agreed with war even though all males in my family have always been in the service and many fought in wars...I simply do not believe in it...People go off with great pride to "fight for their country" and their country could care less if their lives are in danger and they die...So many return from war with disabilities or unexplained illnesses and we turn our backs on them and close many VA hospitals...Then there are the wars that many choose to "forget" like Viet Nam...People turn their back on those vets like they are the scum of the earth and yet when they were "fighting for our country" we applauded them but now...Nothing...We have inner city wars going on within our own country every day of the week and we cannot contain them...We need to take care of our own people first for once...Okay...That was my rant for the day! -
very unique and thought provoking
i have to agree with the meaninglesness of wars but is something that man seems necessary for some reason..this was a very profound and thought provoking poem with great imagery and very creative..and that is just my p.o.v.
~iccara~
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8/10
A fine piece of work and very thought provoking. War is a complicated thing and I think you have presented that well
I agree though that this would work better if it was put into stanzas
(pushit) -
the last few lines left me speechless, a powerful write, sad to think of so many fallen. this line : to redden the black of my black feather...using black twice doesn't read well, the rest of it is exceptional. the desolation of dead bodies and crow together is a vivid image. it saddens me about our society in much deeper ways than i can express here.
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Leeche,
An amazingly vivid poem, it is very strong in its convictions and personal opinion. Pointing fingers at any certain thing is something that leads to debate and conflict. This iswhygood people serve their country today with PRIDE. I have a brother-in-law that so strongly believes in the USA, that 2 weeks before he was to retire - he re-enlisted for four more years. For over 30yrs. he has served his country and in someway-somehow, even as he grows older, he'll always find a way to do so. His entire famiy is extremely proud of him and all the other soldiers(men & women) that have freely chosen to be ofservice to their country---to protect us and their own families---maybe not at this very second, but what our troops are doing now will have an extreme impact on our future as a coyuntry. That's how it's always been...and I strongly feel, political or not---it will continue. God Bless our troops and the USA!
Madame Mystery
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Politics and religion are the only reason we have wars, now and always. Seems such a waste to die for some else's politics. However- our boys (and girls) are doing a job, and following orders and protecting this country from real and perceived threats. They have my respect. The politions on the othewr hand...
I really like the way you write this from the p.o.v. of a crow, the bird of the dead. In some mythology, they lead the dead to their final resting place. Very well done. Makes you think. -
wonderful writing
"The supreme excellence is not to win a hundred victories in a hundred battles. The supreme excellence is to subdue the armies of your enemies without even having to fight them." Lao Tzu.
Georges, this is a very profound poem, very deep and moving as well as sad. I am the original fan of anti-war. I felt the horror of a thousand wounds when Bush dragged my small island home into war. I applaude your stand. And your very touching poem. Best, always, criss. A to pierce your heart.
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War is a horrible mistress, she calls for so much from you asking you for your life.. a powerful work.. really thought provoking darn my spelling lol
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Very visual and powerfully written. I wish war could just go away once and for all too, but there are a lot of nuts in this world and peace-loving people sometimes need to defend themselves, unfortunately.
I would have laid out this poem differently. The absence of line breaks made it a little overwhelming, but maybe that was your intention. Here's how I would have formatted it -
And the black magic crow
surveyed the battlefield
Perched on a dead mans, bloodied,
silver, mystic shield
I will fight this force,
I will not yield
As it tries to turn me totally
against murder and war
And tries indeed to stop
my spiritual soul, that would soar
Makes principled men into Jezebels,
prostitutes and whores
Makes battles romantic and part of
our fables and folklore
But the dead armoured soldiers eye
had noted the score
Captured still life indeed, the picture,
the horror of the battle in the heather
That still allowed blood to redden
the black of my black feather.
And I returned back in time
As I stood on a regimented line
You will not be killed, you will be fine!
Advance and engage!
With the purest of rage!
The clash and the clunk of swords
lashing the blood flesh
And all the time,
we were stuck in a time mesh
Slashing and blooding for eternity
A perpetual force having eye for an eye,
in order to see
The folly and stupidity of war,
that will always and forever be
And the crow it did soar,
from the magnetised force of death
There were none of them left living,
they had all gasped their last breath.
When a rhyming poem is arranged in stanzas like this, it's easier to see how the rhythm is disrupted by lines with too many syllables. With a little tightening up, I think this poem could be even better than it already is. (My humble opinion.)
Thanks for the thought-provoking piece. It reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe's style (and not just because of the crow/raven lol)
Mark -
for how much hatred and disgust this portrays.. it is actually beautiful.. you did a wonderful job with this topic. awesome poem!! peace
jess -
My opinion is that it is Politics and Religion that are the root causes of wars...and It is the Old Men who are the leaders of Nations who send off the young men to do their bidding....Hmmmm why not just send out the same leaders in a one on one basis to conduct war? Kind of a boxing match between nations? Red
Edited on Oct 22, 11:07 p.m. because ''. -
This is a great representation of an anti-war sentiment...very graphic with excellent imagery. Raising questions and making the reader consider carefully the contradictions and horrors of war. I agree with what you have expressed here. Great job!
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Wow. You have just impressed me. You showed so much thought and opinion in your piece and most writeers are afraid to do that. I totally agree. This was amazing...flawless. Peace!
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This is the second of your piece I have read tonight. I see I would have to get used to your style. You have a very unique voice to your poems. I think your writing would benifit by breaking into stanzas. You write almost like prose. Some of your lines are very long, others are very short.
That still allowed blood to redden the black of my black feather
Is this suppose to read like this....or back of the black feather? Just wondering?
I think you have a wonderful writing style and speak so differently than any other. I look forward to reading more of you.
Cheryl
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this is really nice, even from my own pro war view. i like the detail and the characteristics you gave the unknown soldier. overall it was very detailed and gave a terriffic view into the other side and i am forced to focus on my views in this sense. great job.
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Murder is man's vilest crime. Filthy minds conjure stinking lies to be the fundament of organized mass murder, that is war. It is appalling to see how little effort it takes to make dozens of millions support war - the extreme version of mankind's viles crime. The little effort however is a direct result of the weak resistence against war people all over the world show. It sometimes seems they prefer to remain ignorant, even if it kills them all in the end. Thanks for expressing in such a strong way a protest against such a clear sign of our stupidity and greed. Take care,
Rage -
Bravo!
Is it the cause
or the cadence?
Why do they willingly
dive into death
as if it were a swimming hole
on a hot afternoon?
Boys become
movingtargets;
cannonfodder.
Doughboys
over-baked in trenches,
basted in blood
Tired boys in
battlefatigues
suffering
posttraumaticstress.
A grenade tore through
his best friend, like a combine
through a field of corn,
planting kernels of lead
deep beneath his flesh;
left him harvesting
nightandaymares of war
for the rest of his days. -
umm I loved it. Though I have oppseing view's on war. I love the way you expressed yourself and the methaphors you used were great. Keeep up this alsome work. Can't wait for the next batch.
~Hippie~ -
i really like the line "Makes principled men into Jezebels, prostitutes and whores"... it really is powerful i also love this line. "Captured still life indeed, the picture , the horror of the battle in the heather That still allowed blood to redden the black of my black feather" because it gives yoo such a wonderful image of wut ur trying to get across! this poem is so altogether powerfully and awesomely written as well!
and such a true statement that "war is and will always be", and its thoroughly depicted in this poem. i dont know if any of this makes sense.. but bottom line.. this is a very awesome poem. good job.
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