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Flannel Time!!

Missing image
brisk autumn breezes
whisper farewell to summer
flannel sheets beckon



Author notes


Written October 22nd, 2004

In a list

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Manicmuze
    June 29, 2005
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    I love blue jeans and sweatshirt weather and cozy flannel sheets. This is lovely. Almost makes me excited about when the leaves change, except that i'm thoroughly enjoying the "hot" weather we've been having lately.

    Nice haiku,
    ~ Wendy

  • illusions
    March 20, 2005
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    lovely little haiku...autumn is my favorite time of the year. you capture it well.
  • Gogetalife
    December 6, 2004
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    Mark,you said it all in ten words..i can't beleive you..lol..who doesn't love flannel sheets and the warmness?..you got some passion there my freind..i love it!

  • Ashley Mosely
    November 2, 2004
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    i love your last line
    flannel sheets beckon
    lol makes me want to jump in and get warm-gives me a sentimental feeling

    ash

  • Old Doc Wit
    October 28, 2004
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    Very,very beautiful!Aren't haikus great!

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 24, 2004
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    Hi Renee,

    Thanks! I'm glad you liked it because I'm new to haiku writing. This one actually happened by accident. I was just trying to do what the contest required - describe autumn in 10 words or less - and it ended up in a 5-7-5 format. lol Strange, huh?

    As I was reading your response, I noticed you have over 7000 comments. That is amazing! It shows what a generous spirit you have.

    Thanks,

    Mark

  • lordoftherings gold member
    October 24, 2004
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    This is a Haiku in the sense that the first two lines are both juxtaposed as one giving us a feel of autumn and then in the last line you have a contrast to the image presented n the first two lines. Second, the reason why it is a true Haiku is the season is mentioned as well as nature. Flannel sheets takes us from the thoughts of autumn to the images of winter with the word 'flannel', a warm material during cold days. Very wll written and composed. Gregg

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 24, 2004
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    Hi Jane,

    Hey, I like that change! (Sheets to shirts) When I was writing this, I had just told a friend about how much better I was sleeping at night with the cold wind blowing or the rain falling outside, as opposed to the uncomfortable heat of summer. Cold weather just seems to make for deeper sleep somehow, and better cuddling. (I know, real men aren't supposed to use the word "cuddling". lol) But I totally agree, one can't waste too much time indoors with so much beauty outside. Thanks for the reminder!

    Mark

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 24, 2004
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    Yes, I am a notorious bag of wind. It's a real struggle to be brief. lol Glad you liked this one!

    Mark

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 24, 2004
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    Hi Sara,

    I'm glad you liked this one. Autumn is such a beautiful time of the year. I love all the changing colors. It has always been magical to me. All the seasons evoke different emotions. Spring is a time of celebration, summer is a time of adventure, fall is a time for reflection, and winter is a time for rest and rejuvenation - to prepare for another spring! That's how I look at it anyway. lol

    Uncle Mark

  • poetryality silver member
    October 24, 2004
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    I love flannel sheets and pajamas. This is soft and subtle. This makes me cozy up to Autumn. Thank you for this haiku entry, it is quite clever! I love the Fall and haikus!

  • YerTweetyness
    October 24, 2004
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    Oh yes, This haiku is good! Made me feel so warm.
    Good luck in this contest!
    Most Excellent!!
    YerTweetyness
  • oneluckygirl
    October 24, 2004
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    This is truly lovely. Often as I read I wonder how I would have said it, if I could.

    For me, there is not a second of fall to be wasted in sleep - too much to be out in - enjoying.

    So - I changed your sheets.... to shirts.

    Hope you don't mind my tampering - but I loved the contrast that single change brought.

    Now, when fall leaves fall, I'll be ready for those sheets. lol

    Thanks for the wonderful springboard of your write.

    Jane

  • Touchof1der Moderators member
    October 23, 2004
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    OOoh... I like this. You have painted a totally different picture of Autumn... leave it to your creative mind! Very nicely penned! Good luck in the contest!

  • MargaretG silver member
    October 23, 2004
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    The works of yours which I have read go on for many stanzas, so I am impressed that you can also be brief! I like autumn because I have such nice snuggly things to get into.

  • Grieving-Willow
    October 23, 2004
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    Wow Uncle Mark,

    This is a beautiful haiku you have written and the background and picture goes perfectly with it I thought since you take so much time reading and commenting on my work, I will read and comment on yours as well I think that your work is amazing and I hope to be half the poetic genius that you are, I love and admire you very much I hope you got my response on your author page that I wrote an hour ago. I hope all is well. How are you? Your Niece ---Sara

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 23, 2004
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    Hey Dragon,

    As I told Josh, this was kind of an accidental haiku. The contest was to capture autumn in less than 10 words, and it ended up looking like one. haha Sorry to let you down but hell is still hot. I will venture into haiku's more in the coming days, though. I must conquer my fears! lol

    I did write one a long time ago here called Smiling Ghosts. Feel free to give me a critique on it if you have a second.

    Thanks,

    Mark

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 23, 2004
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    Hi Mari,

    Actually, it's my second. There's one called Smiling Ghosts, which was one of the first things I wrote when I joined the site. I'm sort of easing into haiku's. I find them intriguing but I always ease into things slowly. Haiku's, swimming pools, relationships, etc. lol

    Thanks for being the first to comment again. You never let me down!

    Mark

  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks s'monk!

    I'm sure this is rife with errors. It was actually an attempt to capture autumn in 10 words or less and it just ended up looking like a haiku. I don't think it "captures an image" as haiku's are supposed to do. Feel free to give me a critique from the haiku angle. I want to learn more about how to write them. As you know, I have been purposely avoiding them because they clash with my windbag tendencies, but it's a nice break! lol

    See you at the temple tomorrow,

    Mark
  • smallmonk
    October 23, 2004
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    Great 'ku, Mark!!!

    I didn't know you had it in ya' (it's a little bit short, don't ya' think...lol). Time to abandon your verbose lifestyle? Seriously, I think your on to something. This is excellent!!

    Cheers,

    s' monk

  • dragonstuff83
    October 22, 2004
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    Oh my God! I'm...speechless... is this what I think it is?? A h-h-aiku? From Mark?? Is Armagedden already here? Oh wait! I think hell just froze over... Let me ask you one question...did it hurt when you wrote it? I mean, with all that detail and description and endless ranting .....lol!!! jk! It's about damn time, Mark! But little did you know, you opened up a whole can a worms......the wonder of haiku!!!!lol!!

    Welcome aboard!

    Dragon

  • FollowtheLight
    October 22, 2004
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    For as little as I know about haiku, just starting to write them myself, I think this is really great! See, you shouldn't be intimidated!! Keep on writing them...

  • MariGoes gold member
    October 22, 2004
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    BIG SURPRISE!!!

    I just told Rj yesterday that we would never see a haiku on your page, tsk tsk, now I have to bite my tongue
    Mark, what a pleasant surprise! This haiku is great! A wonderful debut! (it is your first, isn't it?) lol

    Lovely Autumn image!

    Kisses and love,
    Mari
1 - 23 of 23