Perhaps it all began
with Bob Crane's murder,
the foreign substances on the walls,
the tape machine turning endlessly,
the hump wallow burn
of the dead deceased,
the cigarette ash
caressedly lying on the windowsill
in just another motel
this side of no where,
while the canned laughter rolled
underneath the squeaking bedsprings
in another room.
I found all this before
filed teeth
and curved daggers
carving up Martha's decor
Mr. Goodbar leaning on a lamp post
watching the cop in the candy store,
who's to say who'll bring the patient home
dressed in white linen and lace
it was all so long ago.
Even now,
when the blood runs
delicately
through the gutters
on St. Crispin's day.
Author notes
Written October 22nd, 2004
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nice!
the poem was extremely well written, and the images portrayed kinda creeped me out. well done.
xxKaTdxx -
OMG you killed Bob Crane? hehehe Glad that mystery's cleared up. Don't worry your secret is safe with me.
Okay that little typo is gone so I deleted my other comment and will leave these words of wisdom and because I know that, as a critic, I must be cautious, I'll try to be precise in my language.
Of course the blood runs delicately through the gutters. It's St. Crispin's Day, time to proudly show the scars of battle, passing the stories down from father to son and their sons and so on and so on. .
Desiree
Edited on Oct 23, 10:30 p.m. because 'nunya'. -
this is a goosebumpy poem indeedy.... I love horror movies and scarey poems are just as good... Though I'm missing something with st crispins day.... isn't that a saint bootmaker or something.....lol. Is luke a serial killer disguised as a hillbilly poet? (teasing) Always enjoy seeing a new post from ya.
Take care
jenny -
"who's to say who'll bring the patient home
dressed in white linen and lace
it was all so long ago."
You have done it again, My Friend --- this is great work! -
caressedly ... good word...good poem...yep.
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well, this is a bit too chew on isn't it? kind of gave me the shivers .. before bob crane got murdered or whatever happened to him and all the odd ball sex stuff .. i remember being a kid just starting to know about sex and being kind of turned on by him on hogans heros .. similar to the feelings i had for alan alda on mash (they both always were so funny & damn sexual weren't they? why do i always reveal such crap here on your fine work, sorry). anyway, i had a thing for richard gere too .. but i never saw that movie i don't think .. officer and a gentleman was my hook and breathless .. oh and somersby. and shiva the hindu god of both destruction and renewal .. and a battle? is there a battle? st. crispins day? and martha? cripes she grew up in Nutley NJ where my cousins live .. well, i'm confused by the bring home the patient line ...patient as in sick person? or patient as waiting .. perhaps this is a new series. i'm pleasantly exhausted with the first episode, i think. it's got blood in the gutters though ..
cville
Edited on Oct 23, 6:28 because ''. -
Also, I have to say, my favorite candybar in conjunction with cops and blood is quite a different picture. I found this poem kind of funny actually. I hate Martha.
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This was dark and descriptive. As much as I enjoyed it, I found the line "the foreign substances on the walls" to be, well, open to the imagination enough to erk me. This is a good write.
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Definantly some captivating imagery there, there’s such a feeling of dispair, like the hopelessness and senselessness of the death, in a motel in the middle of no where, like everything goes on and no one notices or cares, but they should. Good use of descriptive words to paint a picture for us.
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Mint
wow, what a great poem, it works really well! I havent read a poem this good in ages
Mike x
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Awesome write. The imagery is stunning, the flow works well. I enjoyed the reference to St Crispin's day. Great job.
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Wow, there are some amazing images in here. I love the allusion to Martha Stewart. The contradiction works really well, and leaves me feeling that the world is not as simple a place as it used to be. This is one of the best poems I have read in a long time.
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