Day in and day out,
ne'er a soul to rest be seen
Toil and tout,
this is how it's always been
Many living on the edge,
most tween poverty and starvation
Sunbaked brick smiles a haven, a hedge
most not looking for salvation
Urchins accruing in the dankest corners,
rascal rogues most of them be
Tattered laundered rags, wraith like mourners,
or perhaps aerial sentries to all below they see
Pantaloons and knickers sidewall hints of an other life,
one that spurns upon each city street
Such passion and pestilence found in this strife,
it is that which gives zeal, making the heart beat
(c)2004
~Nikki~
Author notes
The picture is titled Cliff Dwellers by George Bellows and is the photo the contest holder provided a link to for the contestants to write about!
Written October 21st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Thought Dwellers by pepper this.
320 points, ended October 24, 2004, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Very good job. It has that kind of Irish cockney rant feel to it.Great imagery and resonance to it. The picture fits well with the poem. Kinda Dublinish or London like.
Great job and love the accent.
Bily -
Woah...That was confusing yet good..Next time check your spelling though...There was a lot of big words but I think I got the point..Check out some of my writes sometime!
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another wondewrful peice by you
you have such a way with words. this peice definatly goes with the pciture, and the picture looks good also, but the poem is better, great job!
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Here is your in-depth evaluation for my contest (this is straight from my notebook, so you'll be referred to in the third person):
-she gives an acute sense of the filth- I can see the dirt in the city this author depicts
-there's a section where she uses their clothing to make their living situation clear- interesting way to go about it
-shows both optimism AND pessimism, which threw me off a little bit
TONE: observant, clear, passionate
FAVORITE QUOTE: "Sunbaked brick smiles a haven, a hedge..."
Thank you for entering my contest, and congratulations on your silver trophy!
-Pepper- -
!Gulp!
It is said that a picture paints a thousand words... however, here, a mere 104 words not only painted the picture perfectly, they brought it to life, in full motion... I truly admire your talent Nikki. You have brought to light just how much I am yet to learn and explore in the magic of words... an exciting prospect with a humbling undertone. I wish you the best of luck in this contest. -
nice best o luck in that there contest!
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i tend to be a fan of bellows and you have done an excellent job with this piece...you brought things to light that i hadn't even thought of-or noticed...the sounds and sights seemed to scream at me 1000 times louder or clearer...wonderfully superb job! blessed be.
anyonita -
(Dancing round the old oak tree) Yeaaaa StingerBee has come to me! I've missed you my friend. I've been trying to get back in my writers groove so to speak for these past three weeks have been...sigh...well teary eyed reality slaps. I am so glad to see you still around and want you to know when you are not around you ARE INDEED missed!
HUGS
~Nikki~ -
good
Nikki,
Excellent, excellent work with this one. I loved the flowing imagery, the choice of wordings brought it all together in a cyclone of thoughts. Great Job.
[ - Stinger Bee - ] -
It's been said already but definately a wonderful poem for that painting. Very well worded and thought provoking. Good luck in the contest. Cheers moon
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This was thoroughly amazing, hon. I seriously could feel every sharp note and soft hollow of the city, and the ending sent my pulse racing with delighted awe, lol. Exceedingly crafted with an eye for sublime detail, I really hope this one gets the prize for it certainly was a hit with me!
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the picture is absolutely wonderful. i like the way everything from the poem ties into what the picture portrays. wonderful job. it was almost as though you wrote your words off of the picture rather than wrote the words and found a perfect picture to match. wonderful job.
~Theo -
just a second look and read to perhaps draw some inspiration for my own stab at such a write, not in this contest though...just another poem to help the 900 grow...Artis
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Wonderful picture to go with a wonderful and deep thought poem. You really did an awsome job on this keep on poet and don't give up GOD BLESS YOU AND TAKE CARE LAURA
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Ah, the sordid but magnificent in it's own scale struggle of the common folks, sifting through the drudge fate provides to eek out some form of life in the stacked dwellings that hang like sorrowed heads over the streets of the poor and hungry, this is a great stroy write, to go with the graphic and I commend your efforts and wish you gold for all the poverty portrayed...Artis
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great art with this write makes it amazing!
many thought-provoking lines...leaves the reader much to think about...so enjoyed!
~jag~ -
Excellently done! The picture of life's trails indepth and personified, for the world to see and feel. And yet for their trails in life, I often believe they appreciate it all the more, for in little things we take for granted, they find the beauty and strength to love and live. Best of luck in the contest, this piece is a true winner in my eyes. Namaste'Gypsy
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