Upon the hilltop waiting, still
neath willowed canopy of moss
there sits a ghost whose light reveals
the sting of grief and searing loss.
In sweeping robe of azure, blue
she wanders lonely in the night
with memories of past imbued
into her essence, old and bright.
The liquid swirls of moon beams bade
her gentle moans to rise and fall.
And though her sorrows never fade
'tis comfort in melodic call.
Across the graveyard beauty bleeds;
another time is held in frame.
She follows where the shadows lead
and tends the embers of her flame.
The tombs of those who've traveled on
stand silent, cold like empty rooms
once with her, dancing, now are gone
and only do their echoes loom.
She lingers, weeps her grief is fast
for love that slipped the golden gate.
She's chained with anguish to her past
and every night accepts her fate.
By M.A.King
2004
Author notes
Written October 19th, 2004
A contest entry
- Graveyard Sympathy by Anathematized.
400 points, ended October 23, 2004, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FOR HUGH WYLES FAVOURITE’S GROUP ONLY # 11 by huguenauties.
800 points, ended May 12, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Congratulations Mary on your Gold Trophy win.
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haunting~
This is so poignant and haunting...
You have woven this poem so wonderful....
Lingering sadness and such imagery in this
Best of luck in the contest and nice to meet ya
I entered too do hope ya come give me a read as well
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Dear Mary,
There are times when someone passes and they don't realize they're dead, so they wander for centuries lost and looking for their past love. They need someone to show them where to go through the light.
Very beautifully written my dear and a joy to read.
Thankyou for entering our group contest and good luck.
Joan
PS. With the glitch in AP of comments disappearing I can't remember if I commented on your poem before as I thought I had commented on all entries.
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I like this approach, that a ghost might be mourning the passing of time (and loved ones.) Usually we think of them as haunting because they're souls are unsettled, but here its because of the losses. That ghost could just as easily be a metaphor for a living person who has outlived family and friends and visits the graveyard since it is more her life that the one she actually inhabits.
Sad but well written.
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"That ghost could just as easily be a metaphor for a living person who has outlived family and friends and visits the graveyard since it is more her life than the one she actually inhabits."
Great analogy!
Maureen
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Oh, my,
"Across the graveyard beauty bleeds;
another time is held in frame.
She follows where the shadows lead
and tends the embers of her flame.
"
this is beautiful in its descriptions.....wtg!
sometimes grief feels like forever! -
This is very good, a poem with your exceptional imagery and terrible pathos, and as ever wonderful meter and rhyme. Completely terrific, Mary. How ironic that she mourns her loss forever.
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Very sad!
Sad story very nicely told! I enjoyed the read!
Good Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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Dear Mary,
A wonderful ghost story you have penned.
I especially like the third stanza. In fact I love all of your poem, but that one touched my heart.
Beautifully written.
Jenny.
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Dear Mary,
First of all, let me tell you that Angelica and I are absolutely thrilled that you have found time to enter our "ghost" contest. We felt it was right up your alley knowing your interest in old graveyards and you have done us proud with your usual smooth and flawless
(iambic tetrameter) flow and explicit wording.
Personally, in the opening stanza, to avoid the rough rhyme "still" and "reveals", I might have written:
"Upon the hilltop waiting, steals
neath willowed canopy of moss,
a seated ghost whose light reveals
the sting of grief and searing loss."
but I can understand that that would not convey the sense of "still waiting". I can't think of anything better to suggest unless you make the light "spill"
the sting of grief etc. Oh! Just leave it!
It's a beaut poem and I wouldn't change a word ion the rest of it. Good luck in the contest.
Applause, love and hugs, and thanks so mucvh for entering. XXX Hugh R.
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i thank you for your kind comments on my poems. i have to say, i am greedy where learning is concerned and if you see flaws i would be very much grateful if you would share it with me. never, ever do i take offense to informative, helpful critiques when they are done with intelligence and kindness. i welcome the help. i am always grateful for any learning experience. (i am not a purest where rhyme is concerned though and find it acceptable to use half rhymes and mix rhyming methods and other variations. such as 'blue' and 'imbued'. i don't always adhere to perfect rhyme and that is done intentionally. i do get people who call me on this, which is fine as they have their own ways). i am always glad to have a comment with some instruction in it. if it seems that i am trying to pick your brain i apologize. just know that any helpful criticism is not taken by me as nit picking but is met with appreciation.
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smooth and reflective
I suppose I have spent time reading tumbstones myself. Odd how those who passed have touched our lives. Sometimes I reflect on them, thier lives, that which they left behind and that which they took with them. Overall a very sweet write.
With regard to form, the feel of the verse was reflective and even with a richness in tone and texture. There are a few very minor aborations, but feel no need to nit pick, just to say I very much enjoyed reading this poem. -
this is beautiful, it makes a sad sad love poem too...i have learned a new word thanks to your poem, imbued...now i shall have to incorporate it into a poem...lol....have a great weekend Mary,
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Excellent, as always!
Very sad and lovely, Mary! I love your poetry! -
This is a lovely although sad poem. To have lived with such a tortured soul that your spirit remains in lingo is the scariest thing to me. You expressed this ghost well and brought her to life in your poem. I could see her there and feel her lonliness as well.
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A masterpiece
Hi Mary,
This was so beautiful. You have painted an enchanting portrait of this woman that pulls at the heart and soul for her. There is a longing to this piece that touches my heart. You truly are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing this master work with me.
--Johnny -
Wow, a stunning poem which I liked a lot- quite breathtaking and excellently written Great write, good luck in the conest This was a great poem, amazingly and beautifully written
Keep writing, I loved this poem Thanks for commenting on mine,
Pozo
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A dark and haunting poem...
This was stunning...I loved the dark, haunting air of dispair about it...of course that's practically unavoidable with a ghost poem...especially one of this caliber. You don't need me to state the obvious, but it was very well-written, and your word choices, to me, helped to promote an atmosphere of things lost in the past...can't think of a better way to explain it, but either way, this was dark and beautiful in a very elegant way...congrats on this piece, and good luck in the contest. I think I see 1st place here.
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vey touching, I loved this piece and currently I'm in a state of awe, so this is short and brief ending with a simple, good luck.
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Excellent !
Very beautiful and reminiscentof the old poets. The haunting is quite lovely throughout. Most enjoyable! -
Breath taking
I have stayed away a little too long. I miss ready your beautiful words. I love the ones about graveyards the most!
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