Watching him board the bus
Was painful
He climbed the black rubber steps awkwardly
Because one of his legs was shrunken and shriveled
He was small and scrawny and dirty
I hoped he wouldn’t sit next to me
(and felt ashamed)
But he did
... he smelled awful
Tufts of hair spilled out of a nose green with snot
I was disgusted (but tried not to show it)
He caught me looking at him
... and smiled
I was bathed in an amazing transformation
Periwinkle blue eyes as bright as a summer's day warmed me
... my smile back was pure and involuntary
Shifting my gaze I noticed his hands
Crooked and curled ...fingernails black with neglect
Revulsion scurried across my back
(on little mice feet)
My shame following in hot pursuit
Quickly I looked away
Breathing through my mouth
(as inconspicuously as possible)
People got on ... people got off
The bus rocked to a stop
The bus shuddered into traffic
Feeling light-headed and slightly sick from the motion
I cursed buses for the millionth time
A song by the "Guess Who" came to mind called "Bus Rider"
One line very relevant to my moment goes:
"... I‘m so awful goddamn glad I‘m not in your shoes bus rider ..."
An old gent boarded the bus
Grunting softly he carefully lowered himself
Onto the hard, puke green naugahyde seat in front of me ...
Through thin, snow white hair I could see his scalp
It was as pink as a baby’s bum
(I was reminded of grampa Simpson)
With effort he turned around…
"Jack!" he said, looking at the little man sitting beside me
"You still livin in that basement suite off 22nd?"
The scrawny little guy grinned back
(his teeth were hideous)
None-the-less, he was again transformed by his smile
Nodding vigorously he answered “Yeath!”
In a hoarse, cracked, unused sounding voice
The old gent smiled back warmly
“Good for you Jack!” he said
And turned around
The bus lumbered along as usual
After a few blocks the little man rang the bell
The bus jerked and and swayed to a stop
With difficulty he made his way to the rear door
And painstakingly exited
I watched him lurch down the street…
Turning once more in his seat the old gent smiled
This time at me and said
“Jack lived in an institution for thirty-five years
I was one of the orderlies back then
When they closed the place down he got himself his own little suite"
"He sez God answered his prayers and set him free ..."
"Maybe he’s right because back then
No one ever saw Jack smile, no siree
Not once in all those thirty-five years"
As my stop approached I rang the bell...
Walking home I thought about that little man,
His smile, and what the old guy said…
Hell, I thought, what’s wrong a little dirt
When you’re free?
Author notes
Option 1
Written October 19th, 2004
A contest entry
- A Celebration Of Realization! by MyrddinEmrys.
500 points, ended September 4, 2006, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry and writing workshop in honor of people with disabilities. 1600 points! by kareneisenlord.
1400 points, ended January 29, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reliving the Past by Dead Lover.
700 points, ended November 30, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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You stole my heart with this piece! What an incredibly touching story and it is written like a masterpiece. Your writing is so real and raw, yet refined and gentle. You deserve a gold for this work of art! Blessings, Doris
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What a wonderful story/poem! Great descriptions and dialog. Very poignant piece.
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The ending gave me goose bumps. This is a well-written, descriptive story. I enjoyed the dialogue. Excellent story form.
I haven't been on buses much lately, but others tell me about it. When I first started going to college, I spent three hours a day on the bus. I saw a lot!
This write was wonderful, how it takes the reader through all of the mixed emotions of what many go through upon encountering the homeless and disabled. The main character in your story is more open and accepting than most, and he learned from it.
Your last line hit home;
"Hell, I thought, what’s wrong a little dirt
When you’re free?"
I loved the realness and down-to-earth Steinbeck quality of your writing.
Aw, the price of freedom? We are so afraid of losing what we have, but when we do, we realize how enslaved we were by circumstances and "things". You are right - a little dirt is worth the freedom. It reminds me of my hubby and I camping and how free I felt then from all of the constraints and "luxuries" of city life.
Thank you for entering this thought-provoking eye-opener in our contest and we wish you the best of luck!
P.S. I liked the graphics all the way around! Vivid descriptions, realistic dialogue and a nice illustration as well! Actually, I find the picture rather stunning.
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i serisouly loved this! don't get me wrong. your word choice was fabuloud and everything, the story touching... but i'm so sorry; it was listed in the rules not to curse and you did that a couple of times.
i really did love this piece thought.
i'm sorry...
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Though a bit on the long side, this is a touching tale. When we look beneath the surface, behind the apparent, we sometimes see the Light. Thanks for you entry.
Peace and blessings, Myrddin -
Well, I was so caught up in reading this (really experiencing it), that I forgot about the 30 line limit. Great message and thanx so much for entering! peace & blessings
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Seeing things from another perspective is always terrific. I always marvel at how my children can be so oblivious to good and proper hygiene but they are children and as close to free as most of us adults will ever be.
This makes me wonder... how many people would give up their human rights for the sake of their idea of "sanitary conditions"? Then on the other hand, how mch would someone sacrifice for freedom in this case? Fashion (hard to be on top of the fashion world with greasy hair and broken or messy nails) Social interaction... how many of your friends are making the same choice?
Hmmm... something to think about. In a moment freedom dawns and in the moment I finished reading this I began thinking... "How much would I pay to be free?"
Obviously a thought provoking write.
s and best wishes always... ~genie~
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Xxdead angel 666xX, thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. This subject is near and dear to my heart.
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this a really powerful poem i loved it it was truly amazing and theis really touched my heart and made me cry so needless to say i loved this poem so so so so so much plz keep it up and keep posting thanx for entering and good luck
love ya
~~**)__BeCcA__(**~~ -
Oh there you go
with what you know
with pride I glow
in you it shows.
Smoosh Janet. -
poet2angels, What a lovely compliment! Thank you and thank you for inviting me to re-submit!!!
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WoW! Now I remember why I loved this poem so much in that contest
It is a winner in every sense of the word..TY for coming back at my request to post this...Loved it then, love it now.....Lynda
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star rose, thank you!
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you did a great job on this. thank you for entering the contest and good luck. viyanna langager
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tbarte, thank you very much!
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Congratulations on the Gold!
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A most powerful read. I loved the honesty, the stark brutality and humanity that is shown here. Even though there were many great poems, this one in my opinon, wins gold without question
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sicktwistedsmile, thanks!
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I love how it wasn't about a state of compassion, but about coming to it as a conclusion. You've well expressed the awkwardness of the situation, though I could see a bit more elaboration on the reactions of other bus passengers helping this piece.
And thanks for commenting on mine, by the way
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StoneLion, thanks so much!!!
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shewolfnative, thank you for the kind and encouraging comments!!!!
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tbarte, thanks so very much!!!
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Vivi Amara, Thanks your comment was wonderful!
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StoneLion, thanks so much!
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poet2angels, thank you for your kind words. Peace out!
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This had me captivated from word one and I especially loved the conclusion! You are so very honest!...Most would not admit thier first impression, but you did and then showed how his smile, hideous as it was, promted an involuntary smile from you...Supurb!...Lynda
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What a message to us all. Don't judge your fellow man. Each and every one of God's creatures should be valued. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Wow, this is a great narrative poem. i learned a long time go, to truly care, don't wear a two hundred dollar silk suit that you don't want muscus and misery to smudge.
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Nice job. So many people judge people because they're dirty or because they smell, but you're last line is so true. Nice job!
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sweetpoetess, thanks so much for your kind words and thoughtful comment!
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This is an awesome poem. Some people with disabilities just need a little help with things. They don't know they are supposed to clean themselves unless they have a live in assistant. But like it said at the end "Hell, what’s wrong a little dirt
When you’re free?"
Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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Oh, such a great write and agreat character to focus on...the stories they could tell us if we lsiten.
I am wondering: "“Jack” he said looking at the little man sitting nextto me"...and..."Hell, what’s wrong with a little dirt"
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Wow, this was so amazing. The last two lines were mid-blowing - so honest and truthful. I've had experiecnes like this before, and always come through them with new knowledge and respect for human beings ^_^
Best of luck in the contest! -
Lolita, thanks!
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wow, really original idea, really well put, i'm so impressed. really unpretencious and honest, fantastic.
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DarknessConsumed332, thanks so much for the kind words!
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this is a beautiful write. everything was perfect, and it really was a great write. everything was perfect. you have great talent!
-Kevin
*blessed be* -
jules2007, Thanks so much!!
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HA!!! I love it...The meaning is wounderful and I can relate so well...
~julia~ -
ellefeint, thank you so much for the wonderful comment!
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I love the ending and how you wrapped it all up. It was written very well, and it was always to the point. I would suggest using some more punctuation if you think it might warrant some. Great job, I applaud this wholeheartedly.
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youllneverknow, what an amazingly uplifting comment! Thanks.
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Wow. I dare say this was worth reading. You could have made it 10x longer and it would change nothing. I'm awestruck at such a balant talent you have. I'm going to whole-heartingly agree with amaranth816. Great write doesn't do this piece justice.
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amaranth816, thanks so much!
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I really love how you have raised my awareness. Oftentimes we forget and take things like good health, a shower, a clean house etc. for granted. Thank you for the reminder of how fortunate we are and also for the reminder that we must be kind to everyone because we cannot know their situation. I love the moral/message of the story. Your imagery was wonderful, too. Wonderful write.
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Ankdh, thank you so much!
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Ha! I knew there'd be one bus entry! Bonus! \o/
Okay, the poem. Ahem. I really do like this poem as it evinces some truly intriguing undercurrents of 'bus-life' that are often over-looked. Just the other day in fact, a good friend of mine met a woman on the bus, and she can't stop thinking about her. Not the same scenario, but similar. I just like the micro-habitat of buses, and this poem is a -great- snap-shot of that. Buses.. woo \o/ Awesome
I would consider marking you down for your American orthography, but I Scarred Angel Poet would kick my ass and as a side note... I think this is a predominantly American site. Oh, and I'm just not that mean.
Hum, I would wish you good luck, but we both know that if I'm judging the contest, then luck has little to do with it. Thanks for entering.
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I am so glad, Apparition, that this poem made an impact on you.
Thanks for reading it. -
What a well this opened up inside me. So much so..that I can't comment. I shall have to come back...
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that was a good write, nice job and good luck.
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This is deffinatly the type of poem I was looking for, you put a lot of effort into this one!!! Thanks for entering!!
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Thanks for your comments and for that story you told me. I have a soft spot for the powerless and anytime I see or hear about something that empowers people I feel empowered. Thanks again!
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Hey malkin this was a great story/poem because it shows a lot about how people tend to judge things without really knowing the whole story.
I used to have a regular customer when I worked at circuit city who would come in with food (among other things) stained clothes and usually smelled bad. He walked with a limp and was often obnoxious. I never treated him bad and because of that he would only come in and deal with me. He always used to tell me about how he was a weightlifting champion and used to bencpress 500 lbs. Of course I never beleived him. I figured he was just creating some sort of past to deal with his current situation. Well one day he brings in an old newspaper photo showing himself holding up a trophy for winnning a weightlifting competition with a 485 lb lift (and only weighed about 200 lbs himself). On another visit he told me about how his wife had left him after he had his stroke (which is what gave him the limp and limited physical movement) and also about how his son died in a fire after he had kciked him out of the house for using drugs. All of a sudden I didnt mind his nasty smell or callous attitude.
By the way I really didnt tell that long story here for the extra points
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Please read these thouroghly...
Good uck in the contest!!
4) So that I know you have read the rules, I want you to put "The World Is A Vampire" in the author comment box, if you do not do this you will be disqualified!
5) Put the letter of the category you chose without the ) AFTER rule # 4's request.
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Outstanding
One hell of a story man! Wonderful picture you painted. Hell of a story. Good luck with the contest. -
This is a great poem but I need you to read the rules again, please. need to read rule 4 and 5 thouroghly...Thanks!
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