Unearthly reach
Ending in darkness
Pulses sent
But never returned
Squint in the loneliness
Drained blood
Pick up.
Pick up.
Deformed face beaming back
They won
But they don't know it
Another knife in the gut
Because the heart is elsewhere
Massage
Massage.
Pain is the difference
Love and lust
Point at them
It's not theirs
Scream it out
In that tiny capsuled mind
It's all that can be done
Pick up
Pick up.
Author notes
I happen to have first hand experience.
Written October 18th, 2004
A contest entry
- Other people's love poems by Barbie.
300 points, ended October 30, 2004, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
very interesting
as an old man I know not of which you speak.
I sense anger / rebellion / frustration...
you must be a teen.
Been there, done that / It doesn't change anything.
Still ___ it's an interesting piece.
-
I liked the repetition of 'Pick up' at the end of this because it brought to mind the despair of an unanswered phone call, and hinted at a gasp for help. I understand the use of the word 'Massage' because you explained to me that you intended it to mean 'rub it in', but it felt uncomfortable for me to read massage because it seems so out of place in this poem. The first stanza is very good and you use some good description which adds a personal touch and some emotion. Most of the following two stanzas are too explicit for me, perhaps because I know who and what you are talking about. I think that you should have added more interesting and obscure imagery to this to make it different from your other poems. I understand that staccato sentences are your style but, for me, they made the emotion in the poem seem cold and insincere. Barbie. Xx
Adding your comment:
