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Conflicted



I don’t really like you

But I’m in love with you

Don’t think that I am lying

Don’t think this is untrue


Every time you kiss me

Lips upon my lips

My whole body starts to tingle

I can’t feel my finger tips


I hate you, don’t you listen

You’re the one that I adore

You lay me on the carpet

As we sink to the floor


I just can’t live without you

Your loss will be my death

I breathe in your essence

When you’re near I lose my breath


Don’t ask me to leave you

Don’t tell me to go

My mind is really blocked

My thoughts just seem to flow


I want you forever

Please leave before I’m hurt

I know that you’re tease

I know you’re just a flirt


You mean nothing to me

You’re the reason I’m alive

Being your toy will kill me

I will not survive


I love you every morning

I hate you everyday

I’m afraid of losing you

Oh god won’t you please stay




Patricia Gibson-Williams

Author notes

I liked this idea for a contest of either self-contradicting or
deliberately repetitive poems.  Mine ended up using both, and although it is a serious poem about how I felt about my husband when we were dating, I think it’s kind of funny too.  I hope you enjoyed see into my sometimes twisted mind.  ~ Patti ~

Written October 18th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • WolfsWhisper
    October 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow just reading that was my last relationship to a T. To me it seemed to flow very well, and I loved the way you wove the contradictions. I feel also, that this is a poem that many people can relate to at one time in life or another. Fanstastic write
    ~Mistress


  • effundo
    October 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The first 2 lines are very true and the synonyms were used well. Their are a few parts which could do with a tweak for instance:

    When you’re near I lose my breath (lose my here for 2 reasons the first being its not needed and the 2nd because it flows better without it) the use of my twice in the next stanza could be altered too. I liked the scene of the carpet seduction and the coherency of the poem.

    Also i wish to thank you for your critiques that was very considerate to make time reading them and not just saying 'its really nice' fair play to ya !

  • Banelord
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    darn thats a sweet work... its how love works in so many cases i think it's really nice dont ever stop writing


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think that many of us have experienced some conflicting feelings with mates every now and then. There was this one guy I was with for a very rocky year and eight months, and I craed his honeyed blandishments to make me feel better about things--and at the same time, loathed him for the lies he told to keep me at a distance. Now, even the want of his words has dissipated into antipathy. I can relate to this poem...it is very paradoxical, yet I have felt the same way many times, even now, as I try to secure the affections of one who lives more than 2,000 miles away from me. (sigh)

    Wonderful poem, may you have good fortune in the contest.

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora

  • LuluDark
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    One of the best poems I've ever read!

  • only just
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this is amaing, its truthful direct and to the point. well done, u have a beautiful talent - keep writing!
    Melanie xXx


  • Oleander
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this had a sort of originality to it. Great job on capturing the motives.

  • Lyrikal Soul
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way this poem flowed from one idea to the next. I love the way you traded thoughts back and forth as if to reflect the inner thoughts and those spoken aloud. I look forward to reading more and keep up the great work...


  • Long Road Home
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad! This is good! If it were any better it would be better than it already is! Thank you for entering.

    -Long


  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL...okay, now that I see your AC comments, I will stow away my initial thought that I would've liked to see this not be so repetitive! But honestly, I really liked the way this piece did contradict itself, and it was vastly amusing to see 'go away, no stay...' LOL The meter of this was spot-on, and it was such a cute write. Very nice.


  • elisabeth0129
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I loved this. I loved the back and forth contradiction to everything said and the flow was exceptional. This was just all around a great piece. Best of luck in the contest.

    eli

1 - 11 of 11