I feel it's not enough
I Love You isn't powerful anymore
especially when you've heard them empty too many times.
But..when our fingertips glide across the other's skin
I feel a surge I'll never want to know with another.
You feel it too, even when I'm scared you might not
our eyes lock and I'm reassured;
and if for one instant you're ever doubtful
open me up, know my heart
see that it only pulsates for you.
With all my love,
Breanna
Author notes
I've been trying to perfect this poem for the longest time..its not perfect though. But then again, it wouldn't be true love if it was perfect.
Sinceritamente,
VenomousScorpio 
Written October 17th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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The feelings you recieved are common for me as well
I like the poem in general but the dialogue was that of every average girl with a crush -
awesome work, alot of emotion has been pushed up behind this to give it a real beefy feel. keep up the good work. Matt xxx
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wonderful write, an ease to read with the soft voice of the poem. tender is the night as Springstien would say.
WSD -
Truly beautiful, alive with true love from your heart
Keep writing
Karen
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Perfect
Oh this is lovely. Too love someone so much you could just drink them.....I have never been so in love as to think such things. Someday I will be able to say "I love you" is not enough (I hope) I think anything this true from the heart can not be called anything but perfect! -
I found this to be so romantic and touching...It is so hard to write for someone you care so deeply about...I hope your partner appreciates all the effort you put into this treasured write.
Victoria Lin -
words can say a lot i think and mean nothing if not with heart behind them, and the touch of fingertips, there is the power, good poem.
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i love this poem! sucha simple and powerful poem. i can totally relate to this poem and i totally understand that feeling when 'i love yoo' just doesnt even begin to cover it. wut a lovely feeling eh? and i like how yoo personalized it like a letter by adding ur name, nice touch! and nice job!
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I don't mean for the word pulsates to sound erotic. I'm just trying to tie together the words 'i love you' not being strong enough...to me your heart pulsating (and the word itself) is rather strong..so I was just trying to get my feelings understood. I agree that it would be better as an actual poem without the "closing" last two lines but intentionlly this was a letter to someone and I just tied it in there...to me it doesn't do damage either way so I kept it. Thank you for your comments though.
~Venomous Scorpio -
Well, one thing, I might suggest changing "pulsates" to something less, well, not erotic-sounding, per se, but ... well, you catch my drift. I think the ending might be stronger without the last two lines, even though it is like you are addressing someone. I think this poem would be rather cool if you intercut more action bits, like you did with the line "when our fingertips glide across the other's skin." Not that it needs to turn into a truly sexual work, but perhaps more sensual? That may just be a stylistic thing, however -- feel free to discard the idea.
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You got your message through well here. I really found it easy to understand this write. Very well done. Short, yet powerful
~ Kristy
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Well, overall it seems to be a typical love poem. However, you do have good points in it, about "I love you" not being powerful enough after a while. So while the feelings are very sincere, I personally don't believe it's very strong as an actual poem.
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Wow, a perfect poem of love which I liked a lot
So excellently written and romantic Keep writing and thanks for commenting on my poem, this was lovely
Pozo
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Love is never perfect. And if it were, it would be boring as hell. I really liked your message in this. I read a couple lines that struck me as needing tweaking though. The third line felt like it was either missing something at the end of it, or maybe the wrong word was chosen to end the sentence. In the fifth line, “others” should be “other’s.” If you consider that tweaking, you could have a much better piece than you already have. Keep penning.
~ John
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