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The Phantom of Wheeler Camp

 

I

The Child's Life


The ancient redwoods fall like crashing thunder,
Hauled to the clanging mill that pays for his evening meals;
Dismayed, he sees his refuge torn asunder.

Each morning rugged hands awake from slumber,
Heeding a daily call to climb the canyons and kill;
The ancient redwoods fall like crashing thunder.

How can a child teach his father wonder,
Who razes pillared hills, destroying enchanted halls?
Dismayed, he sees his refuge torn asunder.

The sentient forest beings fade in number;
Heavy machines befoul and ravenous saws defile;
The ancient redwoods fall like crashing thunder.

He dreams of ending all this senseless plunder;
His hope decays and fails, for no-one cares what he feels;
Dismayed, he sees his refuge torn asunder.

His world is carted off as squares of lumber;
Helpless, alone, reviled, he grieves to no avail—-
The ancient redwoods fall like crashing thunder;
Dismayed, he sees his refuge torn asunder.


II

The Child's Ghost


Suddenly all is dim; he wanders in psychic dream
Among the barren hills of senseless slaughter,
Broken by savage harm, now one with his blighted home.

In death he holds a grief which never falters,
Transformed into a sprite that floats where the saplings sprout
Among the barren hills of senseless slaughter.

The loss has crushed his heart till nothing can soothe the hurt,
For every old-growth tree was slain for profit,
Transformed into a sprite that floats where the saplings sprout.

Two thousand years of forest-song, melodic,
Vanished amid the moist and constantly shifting mist,
For every old-growth tree was slain for profit.

Visitors sense his ghost, a subtle and somber guest,
An apparition vaguely seen then faded,
Vanished amid the moist and constantly shifting mist.

His anguish grew as all he loved fell wasted;
Suddenly all is dim; he wanders in psychic dream,
An apparition vaguely seen then faded,
Broken by savage harm, now one with his blighted home.


III

Decades Later


Eroding skid roads slowly change to forest;
Alders emerge from sleep and conifers climb the slopes,
Obscuring man’s destructive greed from notice.

A gentle woman dreams in the canyon shadows dim;
Her heart is touched by something lost in torment,
And shaken by the gleam, her spirit succumbs to gloom.

She wakes and walks beneath the new-growth foliage
With heavy-hearted step on trails where, defined and steep,
Eroding skid roads slowly change to forest.

Dismay beyond her own fell just for moments
And brushed her troubled mind with losses forever mourned;
Her heart is touched by something lost in torment.

Her vision blurs with feelings strangely foreign,
A pain she can’t escape that distorts her mental scope,
Obscuring man’s destructive greed from notice.

A grieving spirit groaned within the molested ground,
Responding to the aura of her presence,
And brushed her troubled mind with losses forever mourned.

She stumbles home—-her limbs grow weak and torpid—-
Hardly able to cope where, as the semesters creep,
Eroding skid roads slowly change to forest.

The very heart of nature stands attendance;
Coyotes hold their poise and ravens serenely pose,
Responding to the aura of her presence.

So few would guess the ancients all were corded
To see these living shapes in place of their eldership
Obscuring man’s destructive greed from notice.

The air around her sighs the whispering subtle soughs
Of sorrows that a broken shade remembers;
Coyotes hold their poise and ravens serenely pose.

Her thoughts are framed with images emotive,
An endless foggy drip and trails where the branches droop;
Eroding skid roads slowly change to forest,
Obscuring man’s destructive greed from notice.

Long after mists have cooled the campfire embers,
A gentle woman dreams in the canyon shadows dim
Of sorrows that a broken shade remembers,
And shaken by the gleam, her spirit succumbs to gloom.

 

 

Author notes

Part I is villanelle #18, part II is terzanelle #18, and part III is hybridanelle #1.

to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
to learn more about the hybridanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/1086828/all=1
Written October 2nd, 2004

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1 - 64 of 64

  • Lady Michaella
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i have read some of your poems, i personally think this is by far the best, also the one about the tree which also had a lot of sections in it,
    you are an amazing writer and you create beauty in your work.


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Great compliments.

      Ah yes, the one about the tree. "The Lotus Tree". Very special being. Been thinking a lot about her lately. Maybe it's time to go pay her a visit.

      Thanks for reading, enjoying, and sharing your thoughts.


  • Lance Ryan Williams
    July 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Woot

    As someone said up there, it all came together. The destruction of nature has beauty, and this caught me 'How can a child teach his father wonder', as in what actully? I just woke up and my mind is a little off, go on with another frame and touch on it, or never change it and have me think :: Wink. :: . Well it's another good write you have, and I would love for you to comment on some of my poems, they're mostly upon war, the only subject on mankind that has never, ever bored my tastes. See you around, don't get hit by a goat! - Lance Ryan Williams: To be forgotten is worse then death.


  • Hellalikeyeah
    May 13, 2006
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    this is really good, i think ur my new idol...this is the way i want to write

  • Kay Laon Anders
    February 20, 2006
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    Haunting!

    Is this just one of your ideas or is it an urban legend that you heard and it inspired you? I would like to know......

    This one (once again) had a dark hauntish feeling to it and had me looking over my shoulder.... It came across as the boy almost being one with nature or the trees atleast.... because his spirit dwelled in that particular area.... anyway fantastic and even more so haunting write....

    KAY


  • July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Some people are just born with a sensitivity towards nature. I live in an area that has a lot of beautiful, wild forests. Sometimes I'll take walks that bring me across logging sites, and all I want to do is cry. It's just that there is something so sad about this destruction...to see something so beautiful taken away so quickly. Great job on this write, Erin. It brought to mind all my walks in childhood.


  • animalcrakers703
    June 19, 2005
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    this is very different and interesting! i really enjoyed this poem! awesome work! its brilliant! i really wish i could have the art of poetry like u seem to have! this is very talented work


  • FutureState
    April 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great Talent

    easily some of the best poetry I've read here. You have great talent.

  • Twilight Dust
    March 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This poem took me to a dark, musty forest--very intense, smoky, and vivid. Though some lines were confusing in the way they fit with the poem as a whole, the final effect of it is haunting and vaguely beautiful. I only hope I could come close to writing like this.


  • Jaden silver member
    February 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    No, that's an interesting perspective which clarifies it to a certain extent. I'm of the notion that more can be said, and said better, using blank verse. Now I know the term 'better' is relative. My sense of what makes a 'successful' poem is probably different, maybe much different, than yours. This is not putting AP members down, but I usually don't rely on them (at least not on a collective whole) to help gage whether a poem is successful. I've seen too many poorly written poems with a hundred happy-faced-arms-in-the-air applauses across the bottom, to know what I think know.

    Ah, well, it's interesting. Thanks for the reply and your perspective on it.

  • Zahhar gold member
    February 22, 2005
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    jaden: yep, makes perfect sense. i also agree with your assessment. yet, strangely enough, this is still an unusually successful piece of writing in that the "stickiness" does in and of itself manage to validate a subtext that is intended to convey the "brain fog", confusion, and uncertain anxious distress that is being experienced by the woman and the phantom. this was unintentional, i think, yet fitting.

    in some ways i thought i was giving up on the poem, caving in to clipped phraseologies that molded to the form, then as time passed and i continued looking at this poem, i realized that something in the back of my mind wanted the poem to turn out this way, that this "clippi-choppiness" was in some way intended by a part of my process that i wasn't priviledged to be conscious of at the time.

    i hope this doesn't sound like a defense of the poem and the form i chose. it's not. i'm just sharing with you some realizations i had concerning this poem after i had written it.

  • Jaden silver member
    February 22, 2005
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    You know, after reading this, there's something about the poem that bothers me. The whole poem, taken as a whole, had a heavy feeling to it. I realize that was probably you're intention, but I'm also referring to its contruct where, as the poem moves along, seems to get stuck in the mud. I'm not talking about the tone, but rather the construct. . . maybe it's the form you chose to tell the story in. . .it's like you tried to squeeze the story in the form. Yes, that's what I'm trying to say...that's the feeling I get from it. I believe a certain amount of credibility is lost when that sort of thing happens. As a reader the meaning begins to lose some of its value.

    Does that make sense?


  • -BlackKnight- gold member
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good Lord; this easily ranks right up there with some of the best poetry I've read on this site, and indeed, anywhere else. Your word usage and choice of end-line and internal variations were phenomenal, as was the imagery. I must admit that, like many of the other commentors here have said, I stumbled a bit on the rhythm through various portions of this piece, but overall, it flowed quite well, considering how difficult villanelles and terzanelles are to write. I might just stop by that camp one day in the future and see just what the whole thing is about. Speaking of the camp, did you ever hear back from that other son?

  • Idioteque
    January 11, 2005
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    Bravo!

    It is a joy to find a writer that beleives in the quality, emotion, and time put into his own art. I can not tell you how this poem has shaken me. I read the Child's Life before you finished and I have to say I am very impressed and amazed how it all came together. Even in the destuction of nature you provided a beauty beneath it. Your words are haunting. Haunting so that I printed it this out before you even finished.

    'His world is carted off as squares of lumber;
    Helpless, alone, reviled, he grieves to no avail—-

    I can't describe it. You laid it out for me.
    Fresh and utterly real.

    And just that line in the beginning really gets me.
    It is honestly so perfect.

    'The ancient redwoods fall like crashing thunder,'

    Just that line repeating in the verse. There's so much emotion. It keeps hitting the reader hard.
    You allow it to continue, and to shock.

    'Transformed into a sprite that floats where the saplings sprout
    Among the barren hills of senseless slaughter.'

    I just can't get some of these lines out of my head. It's almost addicting. Do you know how much I adore your poetry.
    I would be shocked if your work were not published.

    'Dismay beyond her own fell just for moments
    And brushed her troubled mind with losses forever mourned;
    Her heart is touched by something lost in torment.'

    So much empathy and pain. SO much loss.
    I enjoyed the way you pulled everything back full swing.

    'The very heart of nature stands attendance;
    Coyotes hold their poise and ravens serenely pose,
    Responding to the aura of her presence.'

    Need I go on? There is so much worth saying and few words to say them with.
    So I will leave you with my utmost appreciation and I do look forward to reading through all the writings you have to offer.

    -AliciA





  • ca ne fait rien
    December 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I have been here , to your poem ,many times, and to be honest have felt too awestruck to pass comment. I have also been HERE,(the situation, not Wheeler Creek) and the narrative strikes so many chords it is nearly a symphony. The poem is a symphony- never mind the technicalities of the form, because the mark of a great craftsman is that you do not see the work, even though you know it is there. This is so much more than the sum of its parts.
    I particularly liked the way that you raised the issue in the first part, that the destruction of the boy's refuge, his spiritual food, is necessary to put physical food in his belly. This is the constant environmental question we have, the material versus the spiritual.
    The second part, the child's ghost, is reminiscent of many 'forest spirit' legends we have here, the Green Man, even. Taken on the first, literal level of the child who loves the forest, finds in it his refuge and cries after death because of its destruction , (this is literal?lol at me) anyone who has lived and grown up near woods, has an affinity with the trees, can immediately understand what is expressed here. The skill with which the narrative is told draws the reader in until they too can feel the presence.
    The third part, makes me feel the smell of the earth, mud even. Why should that be? You take us into the experience , describe with the most elegantly subtle wording and word sounds- to be honest I was more physically and emotionally drained after each reading.
    I hope that you are able to find a publisher for this, it must be read and studied by people out there in the real world.
    As for laying the ghost, hard one to call. Knowing the history might help your Bonnie to cope with the connection or it may not, you and she are the ones to judge that, but if it were me, if you both thought it would, I would not be worried about poking sticks in muddy puddles, but then I live with an archaeologist, and it is what I do. Good luck on both counts and as I say, a truly masterful work.


  • Miykie
    December 13, 2004
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    You're storytelling prowess rivals Rexroth...I am wondering who "he" is in the first stanza...The third stanza i am wondering about the 'halls', and the first line about the child...father wonder...I do not understand, I'm working on it....is it a sleeper word to keep the rhyme scheme, or is the boy calling his daddy Father Wonder, like Robin the Boy Wonder...Does his daddy wear tights

    After the first stanza I am wondering what I am reading...It's like an epic tetranzelle, or villanelle...What do the chefs say...it's a culinary fusion?!?!?

    No this is a tet, stanza two...ah you're doing some Romero and Juliet hybrid here huh? Apples and oranges makes juicy juice eh? Ok...let me read on...The second stanza is way stronger for me as the reader because the plot and story voice was more lucid and inviting...Maybe because there was so much anguish...Conflict makes for nice bedfellows...

    See you just start off rocky (need more foreplay) then you stride like the CEO of slap-some-stick...The hybrid is palatable, and crisp with invention Her thoughts are framed stanza is the tightest for me...Thank you for this superlative write!



  • Zahhar gold member
    December 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Rebeka!

    Thank you!

    If you liked this, you'll love "The Lotus Tree" (also in the Mixed Forms collection).
    Edited on Dec 09, 4:38 because ''.


  • rebeka
    December 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    most excellent

    your talent is astonishing...few here even realize what you have laid before them. pity.

    Coyotes hold their poise and ravens serenely pose,

    beautiful line, moving me beyond words....artwork such as this is like a fine swath of silk, you do not lay it out on the ground for the careless to spill crumbs on...


  • M.A.King
    December 4, 2004
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    I am always in awe of your form and skill. Yet I was most moved by the breathtaking content here, the passion and reverence for nature... and the story moved along on so many levels,that it kept me completely enthralled. Beautifully written.

  • titania
    December 4, 2004
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    exceptional writing skill

    Wonderful to find a true craftsman of words.I'm speechless.


  • zt
    December 3, 2004
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    You certainly chose a complex form to carry your message. While this definitely started as an environmentalist poem with the murder of the trees and the raping of the hills, I like that it ended on the positive note that nature will survive. Technically, this was pretty well done though your b's in One were a stretch. I do give you credit for the attempt as I shudder to think about trying this at home. Adding the headers helped guide me through the phases more than just the chapter numbers. Enjoyed the poem!


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    December 3, 2004
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    I enjoyed this poem. It is definitely reminisent of the poets of old. I like that it has easy to follow style and langauge I would expect from a poet such as Robert Frost, and that is the best compliment I can give as Robert Frost is one of my favorite poets. I enjoyed your use of language and I got a lot of imagery from it. I could feel the weight of the emotions of the trees you conveyed with your words. Very well written. I thank you for sharing.
    Tammy


  • Poetprncess
    December 2, 2004
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    Hey Erin... I've been looking this over and have ocpied it to return with a full review... But till then... a masterful example of form and skill. While still maintaining an interesting and clear subject and voice! Will repost further from work tonight... Best to you, Liz


  • jantastic
    December 2, 2004
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    I must echo Kevin and Bezoar's thoughts in saying that your talent lends integrity to the art of writing poetry. The stories woven through your imagery are often subtle yet not overshadowed by your metaphor and form, a nice mix.
    Although I am not familiar (yet) with the villanelle or the terzanelle, your repeated phrases are effective, appearing almost when I least expect them, and yet seeming to fit perfectly.
    And again to echo Kevin, I agree, your words don't seem constrained by the form.
    As a reader, I moved through this one easily and yet it demanded I take my time, if that makes sense. Your writing captured me and took me in once again.
    And, might I add, I can't believe that some people didn't finish reading it. Even when reading something that isn't particularly, "my cup of tea", I always have to finish reading (well it's a very rare case if I don't).
    Thank you again for sharing your immense talent. I respect and appreciate the time and thought that goes into your creating.
    ~jantastic~


  • Mannequin
    November 27, 2004
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    Hey I really like nthe language used and the idea behind the poem but I mostly go for short poems that catch my attention from the first line. You obviously put effort into this and some of the people who entered my contest didn't put so much effort into theirs so I'll give you 50 points when I'm done judging. It's really not my type of thing but it the part of it I did read is great. I like poem stories. thanks for entering the contest.


  • dlbrown
    November 16, 2004
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    I believe the mark of a great poem to be over the technical adherance to form, which, if, I studied more, I'm sure would be excellent, for instinctively, it felt right, and meshed in a magical way. What I really want to say is, as I read, I was choked up by a gathering sob of sadness for the trees, the forest, the wildlife, the planet. You are indeed in tune with nature, and with art. I look forward to reading more of your writing, and will bookmark this wonderful poem, and add you to my favorites. Thank you for leading me here. Diane

  • someoneweknew
    November 15, 2004
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    shhh.... cant you hear it
    its the end
    the breathing slow and your heartbeat quickens
    theres no stopping it
    i close my eyes and nod my head
    say i...
    bravo to you
    ~Someone

  • Zahhar gold member
    November 15, 2004
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    Bezaor!

    your comments have a way of making me feel all glowy and shiny


    Edited on Nov 15, 8:55 p.m. because ''.


  • Queen Mab gold member
    November 15, 2004
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    Hooray! You finished it. And it only took, what? Five weeks and six hours a day? I am as always, in awe of your ability and determination to "self-teach" and in doing so, bring prestige back to the name of poet. I do so look forward to your next poem; but I know, reading and study have to come first. You're amazing and I love every bit of you.
    ~Bezoar

  • Zahhar gold member
    November 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Kevin! Wonderful to see a comment from you here.

    Yes, you have certainly noticed the longer lines mixed in with the shorter lines. I don't know if there is a prosodic or rhetorical term for what I'm doing here, but it is intentional. The shorter lines (hypercatalectic iambic pentameter) all use end-line disyllabic assonance in place of the established end-rhyme for the forms. The longer lines (iambic-anapaestic hexameter with the first foot sometimes metrically inverted) use an internal frame rhyme (alliteration and consonance with no assonance) as well as end-line consonance.

    This has been the single-most challenging thing I've ever attempted, but it's also been rewarding.

    So, "dim" not only consonates with "gloom", it also is a frame rhyme for "dreams". For sanity's sake, I gave myself permission to fudge on the internal frame rhymes when I couldn't find a way to make it work. This involved the use of "s", and in one case, in part One, the use of an "ed". I try to avoid placing adjectives after the subjectives they define, but I just couldn't find a way around it in this case. I also ran into this with "images emotive", which I would rather have written "emotive images". But, the end-line disyllabic assonance for the villanelle stanzas (a fixed end-line prosody for six of the twelve stanzas of part Three) allowed for only so many options, and this was the best I felt I could do.

    All explanations asside. I really appreciate your kind words. Your thoughts have made my hard work feel worthwhile.


  • Flightless Raven
    November 15, 2004
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    Wonderful. It makes a person want to join a cause. It makes me want to join a cause.. hceck..and i dont do that.. haha.... Please keep up the good work! we need more poets wiht a purpose on this sight. And you're one of em. The imagery... the feeling.. the enchantment.... Everything about this piece enthralls the reader.It pulls him in,and he cant stop reading..like it did to me.. wow.. hehe..again keep it up

    -the boogeyman-

  • Kimberly Rose
    November 15, 2004
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    however inconcise, it kept my attention, and you got your point accross well. keep writing! <3always, kimmie

  • lgodina
    November 15, 2004
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    Sorry I didn't read the whole thing one was my favorite and I couldn't read anymore. It reminded of The Raven, you did an awsome job on this GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE LAURA


  • Kevin Moderators member
    November 15, 2004
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    Great work!

    Beautiful, eloquent piece that breaks my worry that few of today's poems will surpass those of the old masters...

    In stanza 3, I was bothered by the line length difference in: 'The loss has crushed his heart till nothing can soothe the hurt,
    For every old-growth tree was slain for profit,'

    Near the end, 'A gentle woman dreams in the canyon shadows dim' bothered me as the 'dim' modifier seems out of place. Maybe 'dim canyon shadows' instead? or ya need it to rhyme with gloom?

    My favorite thing about this is that it doesn't feel constrained by it's verse format. That is huge as nearly all such poems do. You do an amazing job of expressing yourself and your story within the limitations in a seemingly effortless way. Great work!

  • Midnight-Glory
    November 15, 2004
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    Rather odd but good job
    *good freeform*


  • pulsating
    November 15, 2004
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    wow this is unbelievable,
    the forms are a stellar performance here
    and entrancing

    great job~


  • DelWarrenLivingston silver member
    November 15, 2004
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    Yes Erin,

    I full expect you will hear from him and I am glad you decided to share what has happened with the relatives. It may be something that gives them closure too...at least that possibility exists and is worth exploring.

    Again, I have most thoroughly enjoyed this.

    Regards,
    Del
    Edited on Nov 15, 4:10 p.m. because 'sp'.


  • dark rainbow
    November 15, 2004
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    I believe this poem is very well written. Well, it's more like a story to me.... moving on. I liked the structure. The poem as a whole is very original. This poem flowed well. I enjoyed this poem tremendously. It is to the point. All in all, great write. Keep up the wonderful writing!

    -Dark-

  • Zahhar gold member
    November 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i have a feeling, too, that the rest of the story is yet to be told.

    tonight i dropped a copy of the poem in the mail to the son of the foreman who ran the camp in its boom years. maybe he'll write back. if he does, i wonder if his tones will be negative or positive. either way, i have a feeling the poem will affect him.

    i'm kind of hoping he'll write back with some story that helps explain what bonnie has experienced and what i have sensed.

  • DelWarrenLivingston silver member
    November 15, 2004
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    Hello Erin,
    I am of the opinion that the "Villa-Terza" form is perfect for this story. The convoluted nature of the entire content concerning the young man's great and enduring love for the Redwoods (enduring even beyond his death) intertwining, in the form of a shade, with the life of the young woman is an amazingly complex set of circumstances to portray and yet you have done so rather masterfully. I disagree with "rr" that the message is lost in the form, but rather, (I think), is enhanced by it.
    For someone (in this case, Bonnie) to be so aware of things in the natural world that they are "touched" by events that have occured there is, indeed a rarity, but somehow I am not surprized when I learn of such happenings. Perhaps my many years of working with horses and appreciating them from the standpoint of their core of existance has made me more sensitive to such things. In any event, I have most thoroughly enjoyed this effort from start to finish...
    I get the erie feeling the rest of the story of the Phantom of Wheeler Camp is yet to be told...

    Cheers,

    Del
    Edited on Nov 15, 1:25 because 'sp'.


  • TillyMay
    November 14, 2004
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    I love the villanelle as a form, and you've woven it together with the terzanelle like a master weaver. The resulting tapestry is vivid, colourful and beautiful in it's detail and form. The poem is moving and the forms never distract from the flow or content. Nicely done


  • ricochet rabbit
    November 14, 2004
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    Personally, this poem just didn't do it for me. I lost attention after the first few stanzas. It is hard for me to empathize with the killing of redwoods. I understand that it is important to take care of the environment, but how is it possible for me to relate, emotionally, with redwoods? I know you will probably want to explain soon, but quite simply I think your poem should explain everything. I personally need to feel it. Also, I think your rhyming scheme obscures the content of your message, and for this reason, I usually recommend to people that if they have an important message to broadcast, communication should be the prime pursuit. If the rhythm is too loud, the message is lost.

  • MaybeOkay
    November 14, 2004
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    I really like the structure of this poem! I loved every bit of it! Great work! You must have put quite a bit of time into the making of this one! I commend you! Love and peace!

  • RainbowQueen
    November 14, 2004
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    Wow!!! This is fantastic writing! I enjoyed all the imagery you portrayed so beautifully.


  • Mari Goes gold member
    November 14, 2004
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    Its is superb! I think that this one...no, I don't think, this one IS now on the top of the list of my favorites of your page, including the free verses
    Wonderful and excellently done!

    Kisses and love,
    Mari


  • Catressa gold member
    November 13, 2004
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    I am impressed with the fact that I didn't even notice that these were forms.. (Not a form person, not knocking them, just don't know much about them).. Great beautiful write..Be safe Catressa


  • Harpagonis
    November 13, 2004
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    I'm glad I stuck around to read this whole thing. The villanelle and terzanelle where absolutely wicked, and beautifully executed. This is the first of yours I've read, and I was immediately impressed. Furthermore, it might seem that youre a fan of the Aeolian mode? Because I most certainly agree, it is lovely. But I'm very partial to F Lydian =)

    Anyway, what I meant to say was, I'll definitely be reading more.


  • FlawedDestiny
    November 13, 2004
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    My God, you must be one of the most talented writers on this site. You write with amazing ink. I am at a loss for words. The background plays off the poetry so very well.
    ~~Destiny~~


  • adios muchachos gold member
    November 13, 2004
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    Dear A S,
    Patted myself on the back for being able to read this!
    Like good linen, this has more threads to the square inch than anything I've yet read by you.
    Be well!
    John-Las Vegas, Nevada

  • Queen Mab gold member
    November 10, 2004
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    I am so looking forward to the time when this piece is finished. (for more reasons than one) Thus far you've done a beautiful job of braiding your poetic forms into a "new" style.
    ~Bezoar

  • DelWarrenLivingston silver member
    November 5, 2004
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    I see the dilema you (and Bonnie) are having. To contact the brother, especially now when the past has been meticulously "buried" may stir some unwanted skeletons from the closet..on the other hand, not knowing about the shade's origin and purpose will leave too many unanswered questions.
    Conjecture will be far too vague and unrewarding and to allow only the fantasy to remain will be likewise unproductive.

    Is there anyone else you know of who may have been a worker at the Wheeler Camp? I think an indirect approach (one with a measure of caution) would be best, but in the event nothing turns up then a direct approach to the brother is imminent. I would think both Bonnie and the shade will benefit from some actualities rather than suppositions.

    Cheers,

    Del


  • K.E. Morris
    October 26, 2004
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    This was very well written...it seems to be so intricately put together so that no word is wasted and no stanza is lacking. This is a subject that I feel strongly about...I can feel the boy's helplessness and I thought that the third stanza was especially touching. So many of us lose that wonder and replace it with realism. Perhaps the father feels guilty about what his job entails, but he has to do what he can to survive, while the child doesn't have that burden. I'm really glad to have discovered your poetry- its muy bueno

  • pozo
    October 21, 2004
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    Another example of your amazing ability to rhyme I loved this poem, it was really well written- an excellent write Thanks for commenting on my poem, this was great
    Pozo


  • Summer Breeze
    October 19, 2004
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    very good

    i think this poem is about the forboding of the future and the harm our mothers and father do to our world. These damaging actions make the world a worst place to live in than before and so continures the cycle of humanity destroying its home piece by piece.

    I think I will probably check back to see how you continue this and thanks gain for the comment on Jack be Nimble. Hopefully future additions will be better. That said they are o.k at the moment hust not sulted to everybodies taste.

    Thanks again for the comment.... (:

  • Mari Goes gold member
    October 18, 2004
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    Have been here several time, now I think I can (finally) leave a comment.
    I really like the spiritual aspect of this poem. And that you've put in an execllent way. The vibration that lies on every word is almost palpable.
    This poem was a joy in content, and of course the form is unquestionable.

    Kisses and love,
    Mari


  • Lily of The Valleys
    October 17, 2004
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    hey, erin, could you do me some favors. i found some very cool backgrounds but it's hard to see writing on them could i but them on my page and you tweak them?Like make them lighter or darker on the word part? i'll applaud your poems 3 times a day!

  • Lily of The Valleys
    October 17, 2004
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    This is so interesting and reminds me of efgar allan poe's work. I have a friend at school who carry's a 6 inch book of edgar allan poe's works. everyone makes fun of him, but i admire his love of poetry. men should definatly try to write something. Do you know where I can study the art of poetry? like you, I really need some new vocabulary. please help me become a better poet!
    -H. Trueblues


  • crisstiena
    October 17, 2004
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    wonerfully emotive

    You certainly seem to have done your homework on this one, albiet inadvertantly. I am sorry to hear of bonnie's breakdown. I have been to that dark wood myself. As to calling the old brother? No. Let sleeping dogs lie. It is better to do nothing than do the wrong thing.
    You have created a wonderful poem here just on the evidence of your own eyes and that which is in your heart. It would be a shame to change that by learning the reality.
    The poem works beautifully and the style is supurb. I love trees and this could become an anthem. I am looking forward to Part 2.
    Best, always, Cx


  • sidewinder silver member
    October 17, 2004
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    the way i see this is
    someone who sees the rape and pillage of the land where redwoods have existed for 200 yrs or better only to be furniture in some store.
    It leaves you wondering if those who destroy nature has empathy for something that can be never replaced.
    Interesting perspective!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time
    Bill


  • Danna Hobart
    October 17, 2004
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    I find this fascinating.

    I say call and ask hun, it seems as though you are meant to carry on the memories. All they can do is tell you no. I somehow don't think they will, and will probably be happy to share with you. Good luck.

    I love the poem, especially the line about a child teaching his father to wonder. Powerful.

  • Zahhar gold member
    October 17, 2004
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    i can't speak for how the child acquired his love of nature. i have not yet personally encountered the phantom, though i've sensed it's presence. bonnie, however, has had a very direct confrontation with the phantom. in fact, a part of it's consciousness and experience seems to have fused with her for a time, causing her an 8 month long nervous breakdown. her breakdown started while hiking this trail where the old wheeler camp saw mill and corporate town used to be along the lost coast trail here in california. specifically, during a single night when she camped out at the site of the old wheeler camp. i finally talked her into going back out there with me so i could get an idea of what may have triggered the breakdown. once there, we sat, i walked her through a meditation and we focused on being open to anything that may have influenced her. i could sense a child-like presence that seemed to be in some sort of emotiona/spiritual torment. i told her this, and then she was suddenly aware that a shade had touched her being as she passed through, one who's love of nature closely mirrors her own, and who's torment at seeing it all destroyed also mirrors her own. she feels that this shade has healed through her, by being able to experience its grief more directly and share it with a living being. it's complex, too complex for me to grasp. but it's changed bonnie quite a bit, and she's still recovering and learning from it in many respects. she asked me to write of her experience, but mostly of the shade's experience. she wants the boy to be ackowledged. i've been able to find out that the site where the presence is strongest happens to be where the foreman, the mill and camp supervisor, lived. it could have been his son. i'm still deciding whether or not to contact him to see if i can't confirm the passing of a child during the ten years the camp was in operation. there is another son who is about 60 years old now, and he lives within driving distance. the only thing that's keeping me from calling them up (i can get their numbers) and asking them directly is the potential reprecussions of digging up the past. someone seems to have gone out of the way to bury the history of wheeler camp and the wolf creek timber company that owned the land and ran the camp at the time. it may be best to just conjecture on instinct, guess and suspicion, letting the story itself be a fantasy with a potential root in reality.

  • DelWarrenLivingston silver member
    October 16, 2004
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    A deep and abiding love for things in the natural world is most often as much an inherited thing as it is a learned thing, so I am immediately at a loss as to how this young man "acquired" such immense love for the giant redwoods when he was raised by someone who tore them down for a way of "putting meals on the table...". Unless I am missing some metaphorical parallel here, I would suppose that I may find an answer in an upcoming part of this piece.
    Technically I see some variations in the meter which is by design, I suspect. It feels like it wants to be a Terzanelle and a Villanelle at the same time. Your choice of wording like "...destroying enchanted..." cause me to stumble slightly, but I have no viable alternative to offer. I will be anxious to read part 2 when it is posted. A most intriguing piece.

    Cheers,
    Del

  • Idioteque
    October 16, 2004
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    Bravo!

    You are such a unique voice...I mean it...You really have such a great style, I'm definetly looking forward to the next installment for this poem. I like free-verse, but I also love structured poetry because it is challenging and has a very distinctive tone. Through a structure the writer then can develop his motive, a climax, and a way of interpreting thoughts to a reader. You have such a great metaphorical view in this poem. The first line alone clued me in that this was more than an everyday normal wish-wash poem. Honestly this is actually one of my favorites, I had to print it! There was a lot of emotion put into this and I'm greatly touched when I reread it. I'm not gushing, I'm just impressed. Please never stop writing!
    Take Care
    Me


  • cake
    October 16, 2004
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    From the poem I'd only gathered a boy's life being disrupted and some kind of calamity and wrongdoing going on around him somehow it didn't feel life threating it will be interesting to read the rest. I'm happy to have found your site as you have a unique writing style, or styles, it comes to mean a lot when you see so few people bother anymore, there a difference in quality in your poems that makes the reading worthwhile.

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