(Read twice) - Rated PG-13, guys.
|| Dear Boss,
...
Grand work the last job was.
I gave the lady no time to squeal...
I saved some of the proper red stuff in a ginger beer
bottle over the last job to write with
but it went thick like glue and I cant use it.
The next job I do I shall clip the ladys ears off...||
-- Jack the Ripper
The false perfect setting,
Far beyond the sugar-coated sweetness from ice cream shops,
like a protagonist in a twisted novel,
She runs across the crossroads,
with a protocol of some million dollar document
The “dear boss” letter, she thought.
And yet I remember
past the simple goodness of Disney-made fairy tales,
how she stepped onto those roads
kissing good-bye to God's light,
with a surprising antedate of her death in hand -
“Caveat emptor!” she cries, laughing
Like some maniacal clown,
And she jumps beyond the streets,
clutching her only prize,
Legs folded like used origami paper
Hell -
carpe diem.
Author notes
All righty ...... MAJOR MAJOR EXPERIMENT. This is really just a mere sketch of what I hope would be a much better poem. I got the idea when forced to use vocab words for class (hence, the protoplasm)
I like the concept behind it, just not the poem itself.
But let me explain some parts (afterwards, I recommend you go back and reread..... cause, it's not written very well.)
the "dear boss" letter:
(uncesored version)
Dear Boss,
I keep on hearing the police have caught me but they wont fix me just yet. I have laughed when they look so clever and talk about being on the right track. That joke about Leather Apron gave me real fits. I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled. Grand work the last job was. I gave the lady no time to squeal. How can they catch me now. I love my work and want to start again. You will soon hear of me with my funny little games. I saved some of the proper red stuff in a ginger beer bottle over the last job to write with but it went thick like glue and I cant use it. Red ink is fit enough I hope ha. ha. The next job I do I shall clip the ladys ears off and send to the police officers just for jolly wouldn't you. Keep this letter back till I do a bit more work, then give it out straight. My knife's so nice and sharp I want to get to work right away if I get a chance. Good Luck.
Yours truly
Jack the Ripper
Dont mind me giving the trade name
PS Wasnt good enough to post this before I got all the red ink off my hands curse it No luck yet. They say I'm a doctor now. ha ha
This is allegedly written by Jack the Ripper himself. All evidence shows that this is true, but of course, there are still many people who doubt this. Nevertheless, it works here.
On Title:
Think of the second definiton for "epitaph"
On Terms:
caveat emptor - Let the buyers beware
carpe diem - live life at the moment, think not at the future.
Meh. Once again, another bad poem. But, a sketch, a really really rough sketch.
Written October 11th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I would have to say that this experiment turned out rather well. It's very creepy. Reading through it the first time gave me shivers. The whole thing is a giant allusion, I liked very much the history and clarification in your notes. This was an extremely unique write. Keep it up and good luck ~IB~
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That's nice work!
david -
Well...i happen to think you did a great job with this piece! I found the form to be interesting and provocative. If you really do not feel it is finished...you can always spruce it up later
...but i found it to be very creative and enjoyable to read.
UB
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its a wonderful write...Going in a good direction!!
Keep it up...
Great write..
Heather -
wierd but catchy, i havent red anything like it in my life, it brilliant. i had to read it three times through to understand it, but that dont mean its rubbish, if it was rubish then people wouldnt go back and read it again wud they? any great poem, loved it seeya
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I love it it creeped me out at firest cause like that sounded liek a jack the ripper kinda thing but i don't know. Omg i love this peice i think your gonna do well when you change it or what ever you were intending to do. It speaks very well.
Great write and read.
Luv bunches,
~Mary~ -
this is not a bad poem, you weirdo.
This is a wonderfully written piece that should be picked apart and placed back together in a comment. Were it not one am... I'd probably attempt it (I'll come back later, surey)
but I do love this... I love the quirky flow and layout... and the framing you've done with his own words.
it's great.
-Chelsea -
aaaw thanks ... you're making my day :-D *hugs*
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A perfect piece. I believe an applause is at hand.
P.S. Silly
...I knew she was dying.
Love it.
Love you ,
James
Edited on Oct 11, 11:45 p.m. because ''. -
oh goodies - and since you really insist on doing away with the line (I agree) I think I will. Besides, I think I've given enough hints that she's dying .... at least, I hope it's obvious
lol
thanks!
- yuxi
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Well, I think your experiment is a success. This is a very intriguing, albeit creepy, write. I love the idea.
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See! That's all it needed...The only word I got hung up a little now on this version was " That I could not touch ". That line just doesn't want to work in there does it...lol.
It's much better. I enjoy that gentle starting and unveiling. A little more poignant and precise.
I'm glad I could be of help.
Love to you ,
James
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(ignore the lost of format though ... ) I hope it's better ... just a little bit, perhaps?
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what a great comment - you're one of the best critiquers I ever had
how about this then ...:
The false perfect setting,
Far Beyond the sugar-coated sweetness from ice cream shops,
like a protagonist in a twisted novel,
She runs across the crossroads,
to some faraway field that I could not touch,
with a protocol of some million dollar document
The “dear boss” letter, she thought.
And yet I remember
past the simple goodness of Disney-made fairy tales,
how she stepped onto those roads,
kissing good-bye to God’s light,
with a surprising antedate of her death in hand -
“Caveat emptor!” she cries, laughing
Like some maniacal clown,
And she jumps beyond the streets,
clutching her only prize,
Legs folded like origami paper,
Hell -
carpe diem.
-
Yes. I think you have woven things in quite nicely here. Keeping things full of poetry , While at the same time relaying images with a clear path into the readers imagination....
On to a few of the concerns I had.
" Beyond the sugar-coated sweetness from ice cream shops,
like a protagonist in a twisted novel,
She runs across the crossroads,
to some faraway field I wish I could touch
with a protocol of some million dollar document
The “dear boss” letter, she thought. "
- The only real problem I see here is with that first line...It seems to feel like it starts the reader in mid-sentence , Almost like you're dropped a little too harshly into the ambience of the poem.
Another little thing that bothered me was the " I wish I could touch "....Seemed to be added akwardly for me. Almost though it was added as filler , More so than a complete thought that went with the next. Without that one line , Nothing would really need to be done. It connects fine with " Protocol " and
" with " when I read it with that slight modification of
my own.
The next stanza felt fine with me...I would possibly though remove a few un-needed words here and there , Making a more complete and flowing piece for the reader.
Of course these are only suggestions and after all it is your piece , So you can tell me where to stick my pen...lol. I was just trying to help you make this piece shine , Instead of reflect.
A nice piece though overall and some of your images
were greatly intense.
Love to you ,
James 
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well...it is original...very much..different from what i have been reading, so thats a good thing...very interesting..not sure i followed the story right, but i enjoyed the read...good job
~*~blu~*~ -
6.5 T's
woah...it's great! i don't see how you think it's bad. i mean i totally understood it, being a ripper fan...*not of his works but of his principles* anywhoo....i definitely think that this poem has great potential....and carpe diem is literally seize the day!
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