by Gregg Rowe
My existence -- it has been my question to me
I wish to dance under the moonlight by the sea
It's inner beauty and inner peace that I seek
I wish to swim under the moonlight by the sea
It's the inner psychedelic dreams week by week
I wish to bathe under the moonlight by the sea
My quest in life is to finally find my peace
I wish to love under the moonlight by the sea
Her xylophone waves soothe me to a soulful sleep
I wish to sing under the moonlight by the sea
Gregg's journey leads him to his proverbial me
I wish to die under the moonlight by the sea
Author notes
I wrote this at a time when I was having a very difficult time with health issues: a open-heart surgery coupled with living with HIV and almost not having the operation because of my other medical condition. There were a few scary moments during this period of my life and I just wanted to record some of my feelings during this trying period.
The best explanation of a Ghazal: the last word of the second line must be repeated on every even line is a must, a variation is using as many words as you wish (like I have by using 'under the moonlight by the sea')in the even lines and a requirement is the author's name must appear in the last couplet of the Ghazal.
by Agha Shahid Ali
A poem of five to fifteen couplets. The name rhymes with "guzzle."
No enjambment between couplets. Think of each couplet as a separate poem, in which the first line serves the function of the octave of a Petrarchan sonnet and the second line the sestet—that is, there must be a turn, or volta, between lines 1 and 2 of each couplet. Thus, certain kinds of enjambments would not work even WITHIN the couplets, the kind that would lead to a caesura in line 2. One must have a sense that line 2 is amplifying line 1, turning things around, surprising us.
Once again, ABSOLUTELY no enjambment between couplets—each couplet must be like a precious stone that can shine even when plucked from the necklace though it certainly has greater luster in its setting.
What links these couplets is a strict formal scheme. (I am speaking of the canonical form of the ghazal, shaped by the Persians in, I believe, the twelfth century.) This is how it works: The entire ghazal employs the same rhyme and refrain. The rhyme must always immediately precede the refrain. If the rhyme is merely buried somewhere in the line, that will have its charm, of course, but it would not lead to the wonderful pleasure of IMMEDIATE recognition which is central to the ghazal. The refrain may be a word or phrase.
Each line must be of the same length (inclusive of the rhyme and refrain). In Urdu and Persian, all the lines are usually in the same meter and have the same metrical length. So establish some system—metrical or syllabic—for maintaining consistency in line lengths.
The last couplet may be (and usually is) a signature couplet in which the poet may invoke his/her name in the first, second, or third person.
The scheme of rhyme and refrain occurs in BOTH lines of the first couplet (that is how one learns what the scheme is), and then in only the second line of every succeeding couplet (that is, the first line of every succeeding couplet has no restrictions other than to maintain the syllabic or metrical length.
There is an epigrammatic terseness in the ghazal, but with immense lyricism, evocation, sorrow, heartbreak, wit. What defines the ghazal is a constant longing.
This is what a ghazal looks like:
Couplet one:
---------------------------------------------rhyme A + refrain
---------------------------------------------rhyme A + refrain
Couplet Two, Three, & so on:
---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------rhyme A + refrain
Here are some opening and concluding couplets of mine:
Example A:
I say That, after all, is the trick of it all
When suddenly you say "Arabic of it all."
………………..
For Shahid too the night went quickly as it came.
After that, O Friend, came the music of it all.
Example B:
What will suffice for a true love knot? Even the rain?
But he has bought grief’s lottery, bought even the rain.
………………..
They’ve found the knife that killed you, but whose prints are these?
No one has such small hands, Shahid, not even the rain.
Example C:
Suspended in the garden, Time, bit by bit, shines—
As you lean over this page, late and alone, it shines.
………………..
Mark how Shahid returns your very words to you.
It’s when the heart, still unbriefed, but briefly literature, shines.
Example D:
Where are you now? Who lies beneath your spell tonight
Before you agonize him in farewell tonight?
………………..
And I, Shahid, only am escaped to tell thee—
God sobs in my arms. Call me Ishmael tonight.
Written October 11th, 2004
In a list
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Comments
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Erin: Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your critique, you know that I appreciate it very much. To answer some of these pondering questions you posed I will divulge right in and answer quickly, although I do not care how long it takes someone to give a critique such as yours, as long as they leave a critique. This is my very first Ghazal that I have attempted to pen here, and I will agree with your comments, though I might have some sound arguments to refute them. I thought of the spacing that you write about in the indo-irian ghazals, but the lines were so symmetrically perfect that they really didn't look nice split in pairs, and the poem squeezed together is visually effective upon the white space of the page. I also thought about the two word choices that you wrote: beneath and within. I disregarded beneath right away because of the Bette Midler song Wind Beneath My Wings and though rhythmically same sounding, I figured we were drawing a fine grey line with plagiarism here. Within sounds good in some lines but not in others: I wish to love within the moonlight by the sea? Although within is the perfect ending for the last couplet in the poem: I wish to die within the moonlight by the sea, so my question to you is can I have alternating lines of beneath and within in the refrain as long as I keep the moonlight by the sea portion of the ending line of the couplet?
Gregg
Edited on Apr 14 because ''. -
well, i'm long overdue to do some rtfs. holy cow you can't image the queue i have of rtfs. i'll never get through it. i suppose this lack of time for rtfs just has to be one of the side effects of my personal dedication to self-education and -improvement as a "poet" (whatever that is).
now, you're probably wondering when i'll get to commenting on your poem here:
"under the moonlight by the sea" has got to be the longest refrain i have yet seen in a ghazal, but it certainly insures a certain degree of metrical regularity in the second line of the couplet.
although i'd personally enjoy seeing the couplets spaced out by an extra line break (like traditional indo-iranian ghazals), i must admit that i've never seen any mention of this spacing being a requirement of the form.
note that you didn't use the refrain twice in the first couplet, which is the way traditional ghazals do it, but there's a lot of room for interpretation and exploration with a form such as this, so i think it works in your case either way.
the refrain seems to speak of wanting to "see" into the mysteries of existence, wanting to transcend the horrific confines of this worm-infested bag of dung we call the human body (i can't believe people actually want to live forever in this disgusting slab of rotting meat).
although you don't use a refrain rhyme,you do use a refrain present-tense verb.
kind of an interesting twist. i think it has a fairly pleasent affect.
i was just thinking, "beneath" or "within" might flow more fluidely than "under the":
I wish to dance within the moonlight by the sea
i'm not sure how many of these you've tackled, but i'd consider this a good first effort at a variant (non-typical) ghazal.
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Excellent Poem!
The death you've written about is a most peaceful and enchanting death. Your use of metaphors were great and the style was truly awesome. I really enjoyed this write and the image of the angels in dark robes. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
Avril
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No problem. I like to be fair. Cause I forget things all the time. I am very forgetful most of the time. Especially when a lot of things are going on. and thanks for explaining the Ghazal.
Peace
lizzie
Edited on Dec 15, 2:22 p.m. because ''. -
~psychoparanoia~ Lizzie: Thank you for the heads up on the rules, I must have been tired last night after because I knew I had forgotten something. I really appreciate the forewarning and the opportunity to correct it before the contest closes. Gregg
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Nice job thanks for entering it in my contest. I love the line about dancing under the moonlight by the sea. I love the picture I get in my head. I like the form also though I'm not big on understanding forms. One thing I only have two rules. Add some author comments please. Thanks again for entering! Nice Job
Peace
Lizzie
Edited on Dec 15, 7:57 because 'oops!'. -
Wow, this is a great ghazal- I loved the form because it felt almost hypnotic, great write- rather dark and well written
Keep writing, this was excellent
All the best,
Pozo
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Touching
Hypnotic.... lulls one into a dream like state, cool darkness covers a sea of pain. You have a touch that is magical, be it this "form" or the words, but they have a calming effect. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of reading this 
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Neverforget: I understand exactly what you mean when you say 'a nice type of sadness': it is the joy I feel after I have released the pain through my creativity and the reader responds through a comment such as yours: it shows that I have reached out and touched someone. It also keeps me going to continue on in every aspect of my creativity. Thank you for your visit and comment. Gregg
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Beautiful job...
Very beautiful. You are a great writer and I hope you continue. I feel extremely sad when I read you're poetry, though. It's a nice type of sadness, if there's such a thing. Well, I hope you have a nice day.
~Person. -
Beautiful, yet with a quality of sadness that is inbetween everything said here. Honestly this was one of the most beautiful poems that I have ever read. Thank you so much for entering my contest
Despair
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Beautiful.
Pure and simple. -
Gregg, what a wonderful poem you have written, oh to be there by the sea, to feel all the emotions you feel, how I wish I lived by the sea.
I hope you found your true self by the sea.
Jennifer. -
oh my goodness you get a lot of comments in a one day period...
...
anyways, I thought it was interesting, I'm not exactly a expert on the form though.
Seraph is pretty good I hear, you might want to ask her opinion...if you don't mind getting your ears burned off.
one thing though...perhaps you shouldn't use such a neon yellow...
L8RZ!!!
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Wow... this is beautiful. The images I receive from reading it are stunning. I can see the moonlight dancing, smell the salt, hear the waves crashing against... no, lapping the shore. Most poems don't give me images this strong, but you managed, and it's awesome! This is the first Ghazal I've ever read, and I already feel like I know the form, because you've done an excellent job in writing in what seems to be a form, anyway. If there are any mistakes, I have no clue, but I don't see why there would be. You are definitely one of my favorite poets on this site, and I hope to read more. Love ya, buh-bye!
~Kelsey, your adoptive poet daughter-y thingy...
PS~sorry I haven't been reading your stuff lately, I've been a bit distracted. I'll be sure to read more soon! -
Gregg this is such a sweet gentle piece. Right now my heart is pounding trying to ward off the tears.I haven't been on much and have not read anything from you in awhile, but I must say this makes up for lost time. Bless you my Dear, Jacki
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Ok Gregg, you made me go look. I had to. I'm not the one going to school. ( i "F'd" out early on so many years ago) So I looked up the form. And, after several hours of reading and re-reading and re-re, well, you get the idea...i found out what a Ghazal ...um is...sort of. I mean i read it all and all i could all over the place and i tried to find holes in yours, ya know to impress you with how s-m-a-r-t i am (which i'm not...so i won't) This has long soft syllables and a gentle sweetness almost hypnotic feel. There is an gentle elegance as i read it aloud. So anyway, i’m impressed…and am glad for stopping to read this. Blessings and best wishes, richard
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I wish I still lived somewhat near the ocean, but sadly I moved to the desert. This was a wonderful piece Gregg. I enjoyed reading this. It brought a sense of tranquility and sadness to me. Wonderful job.
*~Rosey~* -
It would be a nice place to die, under the moonlight by the sea. But don't even think about leaving us Gregg, we've lost one poet today, Honesty Abounds left us today. I hope it's just you reminiscing Love you my friend~Joan
8angel*
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This is beautiflly written... I love Ghazals... whenever I see a Ghazal on the featured column, I just latch on to it... and I'm glad I read this one too... thanx for sharing...
mina -
A wonderful rhythm to your poem here, soft and beautiful yet the whisper of sorrow comes through strong too. Good poem.
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wow, this was very good. traiken is right, the imagery was great. "under the moonlight by the sea" I wish I could be there, such peace and tranquility. I love it, great job, great write...all around -- great.
Jess -
This is beautiful. I love the moon! its my spiritual strength. im glad you wrtoe about it too. loved the poem. from the only:
Lil Trini -
Very nice. I could see where you were going. I like it because It brings me to think about how peaceful and calm the ocean is. ~Nautica
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Quite an interesting piece you got here. Often makes me wonder if the title should be "Under the moonlight by the sea" but I see now why you named it what you did. The flow was amazing. Great imagery in this piece. Keep up the good work.
Happy Halloween,
† Kristen †
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