Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Class Dismissed






 










After school
they trawl for victims
in frantic cornered rat talk
at chittered tables of teas and tarts
taunting with a line.

A finger
full of dip and stir
angled to a boil.

Plausible, yet pliant.
Complicitous.
Defiant.
Persistent to submissive
Then…
Implicitly dismissive

But barbs only hurt
On their way out.


Author notes

As witness to the increasing sense of aggression between adolescent females in general and 'play acting lesbians' in particular...

very disturbing statistics to support this sad 'trend'.
Written October 10th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • pastiche
    October 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Cuts perfectly

    In my day, it was religion. Now it's sexuality.
    Our society murmurs, does nothing. In effect, we sanction this - we always have - so, sadly, who are we to complain?

    Perhaps it's time for art to raise the temperature against violence?
    Hmmm... Tell that to John Lennon...

    Loved the sneaky image of witches:
    "A finger
    full of dip and stir
    angled to a boil."

    Nothing missed, or overstated - excellent poem.
    Depressed me...

    Best, p.


  • ArtFullyMe silver member
    October 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Not a subject I'm familiar with. Being a 'lesbian' would not have been cool when I was in school.. yet, aggression in teenage girls is something I am very familiar with. To me it's always been there.. I was beaten up, and hounded by many.. so it isn't much of a stretch for me to visualize this..

    Good write.....and well said.



    ~~Lisa

  • Gleto Orica
    October 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    FantabulousLesson!!!

    I've seen it face to face...
    Interacted with it actually...
    They say 18's an adult, not always...
    I wasn't anyways...
    She broke my heart for a bit...
    Now walks alone confused,
    But still proud of what she knows,
    Too much of too little,
    Trying so too hard to be,
    What she sees...
    Maybe slight reflections of me,
    But...
    Still a friend...
    Someday, they'll see...
    Well,
    Maybe...
    Your way is inspiring,
    Causing wonderings,
    Of how one could reach such graceful taste in words...
    With raw power, and deep lashings of sweet reality...
    No way to disect such poetry,
    Only way to say, is with words as poetically thought,
    Not maching of course,
    But still sound...
    Oh, what a write!...
    Take care...God Bless...
    Bugs & Fishes
    's & 's
    's & Wishes
    Rollypollies & Me!
    ~Glet rica/C. L. Brandon K.~
    Suckatash...
    Edited on Oct 13 because 'SillyStars...MeNoKnow!?!...'.


  • cvillelisa
    October 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i read this when the author's notes were a bit different ..
    that first stanza's play with the letter "t" is excellent

    but the next lines just kick. amazing. i just gave a friend of mine the book "queen bees and wannabes" she has a 13 year old girl - not lesbian or wanna be ..but still. the stuff that is going on is very sad.

    this bites with honesty and societal sadness. great poem, jane, really.



  • silica silver member
    October 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Rats and lesbians… I’m afraid I know little about the former and less about the latter… but I like the word juxtaposition - if that counts for anything.


  • poetriae furor
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    very... strange. i liked it tho. the pic was kinda cool to. great read and nice job! keep up the good work

  • oneluckygirl
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    img.allpoetry.com/images/bg/custom/oneluckygirl/ratcartooncroppedsm.jpg


  • AbortMe
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Obviously a poem about something that you've devoted some time to researching. An opinion found in careful observation. Clever, edgy, intelligent. I especially loved the words "cornered rat talk", exposing the subjects as vermin. I enjoyed this very much, but one question nags at me. What picture is supposed to go with this? My server doesn't show it.
    Fabulous job.
    -Libby


  • TheEnigmaOfLife
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I must admit I love ones that provoke thought, and this one was a real provoker...a real pleaser. I also found it wise and quite truthfully amusing. Love the use of barbs!

    ~Nikki~

  • apathtcsympthy
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love this nicely written poem! especially the word choice of the second to last stanza. keep it up.


  • Ayla YellowRose
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think you've definatly penned your strong perception of the goings on at school. I remember it was like this, I lived it. People should learn to respect sexuality. You should not shun your sexuality, but embrace it. And that is the flaw in a teen's life today. I also loved the usage of 'barbs' in this poem. Thank you so much for sharing it.

  • Namelessmoon
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this poem describing the barbs. Very descriptive for such a small thing. Barbs can definantly be annoying, and I loved the last line. Good job on this poem and thank you for sharing.


  • cubert
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Nice stripped down view of pure ugliness...reminds me of high school..lol. Supremely rhythmed social commentary lovey...very nice work!


  • Pusher
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    9/10

    Wow, there is so much good poetry being written today I really liked this, this is one of the better poems, clever, cryptic and odd, the way i like poems
    Very well written and a nice flow made this a poem that might just stick in my head (like the barbs)
    Great Write (pusher)

  • haili
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love when a pome makes me think good job keep it up


  • gothic freak
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you wrote this, and you literacy is amazing, however I don't understand half the words...I must be stupid! Never mind, nice write
    ~~
    gothic freak~~
    xxx

  • oneluckygirl
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, aref. I appreciate your comments and your careful reading of this write.

    The trend I refer to is the recent animosity that is appearing in the those adolescents toying with their sexuality at the expense of others. Almost an inversion of homophobia in some twisted way. I hope I explained that in a way that makes sense. Probably not, but it won't be the first time folks couldn't follow the travels of my mind. lol


  • October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hmm..
    very interesting topic
    the violence is very clear

    as for the poem itself,
    it was very well written
    the word choice was magnificent

    keep it up
    keep writing
    thank you for sharing

    lipstick lesbians "trend?"

    But barbs only hurt
    On their way out.

    very true
    -->aref

  • oneluckygirl
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    and perhaps it takes on a whole new sense when you add the image of a lipsticked lesbian with her nice new 'manicure'.


  • October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ps....enjoyed the barbs line much. barbs able to be interpreted on many planes, barbies, the barb of a hook or a spear, a gibe etc...

  • oneluckygirl
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    uh-oh, now you've done it, eddiep. Time to test the limits.


  • October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I would not, i don't think, get it, if i hadn't been prepped, but then maybe i would. We will never know.

    That said, I don't think it matters. I don't really see much violence implicit in the poem, more just cruelty of young girls to one another, mostly verbal attacks. unless one takes the barbs line literally, which i do not.

    Of course the poem is butter.
    It really is effortless and clear. I would be inclined to leave it as it is, but even the other way I can't really imagine this stirring up controversy.

    But then i am often surprised by the stupidity of people on this site.

  • abdulrahman
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this poem has alot of emotion here and about some oe beeen denied and thing som how went wrong . i have a ot of feelings aboput what you are writing in this pom as daddy have sai earlier b4 u are creating somehing good n u should keep it up

  • Daddy
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    so much emotion and devotion. it was well though I could picture what u were saying in my head. I kindof aggree with Leo2 from just what you wrote seems to be that.. keep writing cause I can't wait till I can read some more of your work. Lots of love p.s. I am a chica this screen name is just in memory of my dad


  • leo2
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Your word usage is impeccable. Terse lines describe the isolation and hatred of this particular group which may be the underlying cause of the violence.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long

1 - 25 of 25