Portrait of a Forlorn Girl

See that girl over there in the corner
Sitting all alone, clutching her teddy bear
Her face holding a broken smile
You'd think she'd like being left alone
Secretly deep down inside she just wants to be loved
Wants to be accepted and cared for

She's a dammed up river, begging to be freed from its bounds
She wants to reach out to everyone
Help as many souls as she can
Though every time she tries she gets scolded or hurt
Thrown aside to be someone else’s problem

She's always open to love but it never crosses her threshold
Always awaiting the opportunity for love to knock on her door
Hopelessly anticipating that window to open
But she has yet to hear the creaking of the doors

She's had some trouble finding herself
Finding exactly who she is, is sometimes difficult
She tends to be insecure and tries to hide her true self
The real girl under it all is yet to truly be seen by all

She is pretending this is all she needs
The image she sees in the mirror isn't really her
The everyday mask she puts on shows she's happy but hides her identity
In reality, she'd give everything away in an instant to truly be happy
They all assume she’s okay by her outer visage
What they see is that mask though of course

She locks the door for hours on hours from time to time
To seclude herself from the actuality of life  
And in her room lies her sleeping refuge
Among the nightmare she built her own world to escape
Her own little crack among the madness  

She holds all the memories of the past inside
Picking them apart one by one and analyzing
Inner battles constantly waging
And she stops now and then to catch her breath
The pain is too much at times
She ends up realizing in the end she’s confused

She's always there for her friends, no matter what
But no one ever gives in return the love she needs
She gives advice and helps them all with their problems
She's a person that loves to please others
But she hardly gets the same appreciation back

She has one friend she secretly feels for
But she could never tell him how she feels
She wouldn't want to ruin their friendship
She content with the way they are now and that’s how she wants it to be

This girl is unsure of her future
Unknowing what will happen for sure a week ahead of time
She’s an in the moment kind of person
Death could fall upon her at anytime and she fears it most
She fears being lonesome all her life though others tell her she will not

Holding her pillow tight some nights
She cries alone in her room
Wanting the rest of the world to just disappear in that minute
Or for someone to be there beside her in her lonesome

She doesn't want to give up completely
Though sometimes she really wants to and dwells on the thought
She wants to live up to everyone's expectations
But feels she never meet them in time
Failing others makes her feel she’s failed herself  

She questions authority when she feels it’s wrong
She has no real beliefs about religion
She lives on what she thinks is right
She’s a strong woman with her own opinions and thoughts

She's a procrastinator
A fighter
A nurturer
A lover
An instigator
Another face among the crowd
A fish trying to beat the current that gives into its strength
Worn out and tired of trying

In this reality, this moment in time,
She still sits alone in her own little corner
A black notebook and pen in hand
So she can jot down her observations, thoughts and a few poetic verses
Putting the blame on no one but herself for her position in life




~*Written by Sarah VanderWende 10-9-2004*~