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Bright Lights Make Big Graves

its dark
i can't make out the faint writings on the wall
i can tell that they are blood red
and dripping down and out of sight
and wonder where i am, how i got here,
and why i can't move
there are voices, everywhere
but no one to be seen
the voices grow louder
until a door slams
all of a sudden the voices stop
bright lights shine down on me
as i lay on the table
ready for what comes next
hope hoping only to live
this would be a terrible death
the doctor is ready to operate
with the scalpel at my face
he starts to open my brain

the bell rings
i wake up gather my things
and find my friend laughing
he played connect the dots
with the freckles on my face
just another day in math

Author notes

Thanx for reading my stuff!
Written October 5th, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • MadPoetyLady
    October 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    really great

    (lmfao) This was totally awesome. You made this poem flow and have a great twist at the end. Good luck in the contest! I hope you win!

    Hell Angel
    Edited on Oct 30, 8:08 because 'lmnop'.


  • PurpleSky
    October 28, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this mostly because I could relate to the just another day in math line. The things kids do to pass the time this was an enjoyable read. thanks for entering and good luck!

  • Willow
    October 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This one had me giggling. Sounds like something that I and my friends would have done. Mischeivious lil brats we were. Thanks for entering and good luck.

    ~Willow~


  • Dropp Deadd
    October 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i like the end of this one.math!OMG!i hate math!i always fall asleep in the class..lol.great imagery in this one!rock on!


  • Piper3
    October 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL -- I loved this! Very creative!


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    October 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL
    Too cute reminds me of my childhood
    TY for entering and good luck in the contest
    Susan~~~

  • Elzy
    October 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    being a freckled youth myself, i loved this! Great ending, really cute!


  • NurseHayley
    October 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I feel your pain - I hated math in my last two years at school. Spent most of it harrassing the teacher and larking about. Loved the freckles line! Please don't be offended by my giggles
    good luck and thanks for entering
    Hayley x x

  • raphaella
    October 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed it a lot. Well done.


  • rufina caraid gold member
    October 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    rofl - freckles!! Oh I do like this, being a kid with freckles myself some years ago oh how I can relate.
    Most unexpected finish with a flourish (?pun) Nicely written and most enjoyable.
    Welcome to AP, good luck and thank you
    ~Von~


  • Dreamweaver silver member
    October 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yes ... ... A very unexpected and highly amusing ending. You have a great sense of humour. The entire poem was absorbing and holds the reader until the end.
    Thank you for brightening up my night.
    Take care
    Sammy


  • bluexsakuras
    October 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It's so cute and it just makes you think it's something so very morbid... but it's a really cute twist!

  • JetBlackLullaby
    October 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    thanx for the comments


  • J Rhys Davies
    October 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is something I would have done to one of my friends if they fell asleep in class. I really liked the twist on this one. It was very clever. Nicely done. You gave me a good chuckle.

    ~ John


  • Shameless1 silver member
    October 7, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL...nice twist....in the second to last line did you intentionally repeat "on my face" it read odd to me..but if that is what you intended cool...just thought I'd ask...keep up the writing

1 - 15 of 15