The dark dread of a dying night surrounds me
Blackness sinks in and I can't find my way
The silence pressing in, hurting my ears
I don't think I'll last 'till the light of day
The heat is rising, the longer I stay under
I'm trying to breathe but all air is gone
Just out of reach, beyond my grasp
Oh, how I long for the break of dawn
An invisible hand clenching at my chest
I cannot breathe, there is no air
Panic sets in and I'm fighting for life
Doesn't anybody notice, doesn't anybody care?
My lungs are hurting
And my head begins to swim
My hands search desparately for what holds me down
Clawing the air for that phantom limb
I find the edge and yank as hard as I can
And I pull the covers from over my head
And I find myself alone
Safe, in my own bed.
Author notes
Written October 2nd, 2004
A contest entry
- Scare us with a twist... (New Member Contest- October) by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended November 2, 2004, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I've had dreams like that where I can't breath and wake up gasping for air. It's scary! Good write. Good luck in the contest.
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I like the way you took something so common like a childhood fear and made it seem scary like it was really happening, loved the conclusion. nicely written story you told here. thanks for entering and good luck!
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Definitly been there a few times. Just too creepy. This one had me sitting at the adge of my chair while reading. Great poem. Thanks for entering and good luck.
~Willow~ -
Great write, descriptive, feel like I've been there myself! Good luck in the contest, Ann
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Nice poem -- and it's something that everyone can relate to at one time or another -- not necessarily only at Halloween time.
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Indee a great twist at the end
It did flow nicely
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
Hugs
Susan~ -
good
great story and all, dreams do wonderous things to us. -
funny
I loved it, i can relate to it all, cause sometimes i get crazy dreams and just fall of the bed -
Simplistic
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Nice twist at the ending there - oh boy you could have been anywhere just about gasping for air, but tangled up in the bedclothes
neat - very neat.
Thanks for your entry and good luck
~Von~ -
This was a neat write. Your use of wordings in this was done nicely. Your rhyme scheme was also nice. Keep penning!
~ John
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Very nice work; however, I felt that the twist on the situation could have been a bit bigger of a twist.
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