I fell into bed, tired
"Tomorrow was Halloween," I said, making sure I wasn't wired
I fell asleep thinking about candy
Just thinking about it made me dandy!
I heard a little tapping noise
I think that's normal in Boise
It became louder
Maybe it was my cat Mouder?
I know it's a strange name
Wait, didn't we get her on Halloween and my little brother wanted to name her "Lame"?
And isn't she a black cat?
I opened the door slightly, thinking about that
What I saw, surely gave me a surprise!
A witch on a broomstick took Mouder away, scribbling a note that said "Tales spreading a lie"
She flew out the window, strangely saying, "Aw, that wasn't too bad was it? It was just for vacation!"
Didn't we get her when Dad wanted to go to some convention called the Locomotion?
Author notes
Written October 1st, 2004
A contest entry
- Scare us with a twist... (New Member Contest- October) by AP Greeters.
300 points, ended November 2, 2004, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Nice job. Good luck in the contest.
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This was a delightful poem you have written here. thank you for entering and good luck!
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Wonderfully fun poem you have here. Keep up the good work and you will see your talent grow by leaps and bounds.
~Willow~ -
This was a lovely piece, as Tina already said, some of the rhymes sounded a little forced and didn't fit in too good but you did well! I'd love to see you try non-rhyming or irregular rhymes in future pieces
But stick around, you'll learn lots here!
Good luck and thanks for entering
Hayley x x -
I liked it. It was very cute.
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alright
C'mon baby do the locomotion,
that was a good one -
Disagree with all of you but, bearing in mind author's age, will keep other comments to myself !
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this is a sweet story line. thank you for entering, good luck.
A big Welcome to Allpoetry too. I hope you stick around for quite a while to become on of our up and coming talents.
~Von~
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This was really cute. I totally enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of some of my earlier writings when I was younger. Keep up the good work!
~ John
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The theme and the build up really do fit the criteria. Good for you.
I would, however, have liked to see the meter a little more
uniform, and some of the rhyming words used a little less 'forced'. Maybe you can play with a few other words. Hmm.
Anyhow, this was cute! Thank you for sharing and welcome to the site!
Edited on Oct 24, 7:44 p.m. because ''. -
Oh honey its cute
Its really good for your age
Good luck in the contest and Welcome to Allpoetry
Hugs
Susan~ -
not bad....not bad...i liked the rhymes..but it seemed as some of the rhymes were forced.... i donno it could just be me...but not bad
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Nicely done here. Have you ever written poetry without the rhymes? I like experimenting with both rhyming and non-rhyming poetry.
Anyway - you are very good for just 9 years old! I encourage you to keep expressing yourself through writing, date everything you write and make sure to keep it so that you can look back at it when you're my age - 21
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I know that the background doesn't match... oh well.
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