I can't deny...

This year,
intended as a reunion,
has only begun to show
that we are drifting
further apart...

I can't deny
the lack of eye contact
as we walk rapidly
in the crowded halls...

The lack of conversation
and the "so close,
yet so far away" days...

Or the feeling I get
in the pit of my stomach
that our conversations
have come to an end...

But I also can't deny
the blush that develops
upon my cheeks
when I talk about you...

The butterflies and giggles
I feel bubbling within me
as someone mentions you
or I see you nearby...

Or the feeling I get
in the pit of my stomach
when I think of you
and all the memories
I've made with you...

Those memories
of days
I would never stop smiling
are worth fighting for...

Worth fighting to experience again...

Author notes

This not about a boyfriend, or old boyfriend...it's more about a friend that I wish would develop into a boyfriend-type-ish thing...lol...back in 2002 (wow...2002...) we walked home from school together a couple times a week, and we were in drama club together and hung out with the same people...then in 2003 I had to go to high school, while he stayed at jr. high (we're a year apart) and so that year I saw him once a week at drama club...but that's it, and we rarely had any good conversations...

So, this year I was very excited to be at the same school as him again, so we could get back to the walking home, and talking every day...but so far, it's been 3 weeks since school started, and we have spoken...2 times... so I was getting discouraged there for a while...but I can't give up just yet...the memories I have with him are way too happy to throw away because I think he may be avoiding me...

So this is basically just to say that I have faith that this is going to pass, and we'll get back to the way things used to be...

kayla*
Written September 30th, 2004