The strangest urge came over me last night
my feet they itched and burned with energy
began tapping on their own so suddenly
threw off my socks and shoes to stare in fright
at nothing, pale old skin in my poor sight
Vision of an open road called to me
a longing in my heart a silent plea
to travel down that trail in broad daylight
To sleep beside the road on cold packed earth
and live solely on what i find and kill
discovering myself and my own worth
revelling in that natural rebirth
and as i sat there fighting to be still
I realized wanderlust had taken hold.
Author notes
Another piece for my poetry class. Italian sonnet. not sure i got it exactly right. PLEASE critique!!!! PLEASE!!
...i really like where i was going with this and i want to fix the kinks haha thnx
Written September 27th, 2004
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The resolve is always the most difficult part of a poem. Like the end of a book, song, or movie, you have to find a way to tie all the themes together in a way that gives new meaning to everything you have read so far. In some respects, the end of the poem is like the beginning of the next poem, if you get what I mean. The reader has to take the next step, transcend, evolve, be enlightened, whatever, and it has to be done with some flair and dazzle.
Just an idea: write your poem backwards. Start with wanderlust and progress back to how it all started. Start with the external event (wanderlust) and work down through ever decreasing levels to the internal process. Just an idea, mind you.
CaliOkie
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Your final lines don't work ...
hold does not rhyme with anything. You've got a dangling line there. You need to fix that. Otherwise, this is fine as far as I can see. -
nice poem but there's a rhyme missing in the second stanza; think that it needs an "ill" rhyme to complete. thanks for entering.
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The obvious ...
hold doesn't rhyme with worth. Otherwise, I like this ... a lot, actually. Perhaps you'd like to fix it and send it to me as a submission for Sonnetto Poesia? I would like to send it on to Richard to see if he would like to publish it.
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You are very deep and intelligent woman. I admire the research and work ethic put into this poem.
Wanderlust, brilliant!
Just brilliant!
And the only thing I would change is the word "kill"
It just doesn't seem to fit. Its to barbarous, ignorant to a sense. Kind of takes away from the intelligence of the poem. Or, maybe its not barbarous enough, I don't know. It just seems to ruin the flow, you know?
Maybe hunt or slay, something more soothing, that allows the poem to continue. Does that make sense?
Kill, kill, kill....
Just seems to bleek.
Anyway, good job Miss, astutely girl!
Keep them comin! -
i enjoyed this poem
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'Broad Daylight' is a common expression that means (according to dictionary.com) :
Ample and obvious natural light, as in You don't need your flashlightit's broad daylight, or She was accosted on her own street in broad daylight. [1300s]
-dictionary.reference.com/search?q=broad%20daylight
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great work
very nice!!! i loved the title! it described it perfectly...
what exactly did you mean by broad daylight though? perhaps i missed the intended symbology..however, great write! -
Delightful
Wooo. Man, I wrote a poem similar to this in MY poetry class and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Good to know that there's someone out there who wants to live like some crazy caveperson as well. I dig your version of self-disovery, knocking everything down and examining the individual parts so you can understand the whole of the structure more completely. -
The sense of wanting to travel somewhere and being pulled by a force to do so, came through clearly and creatively. I also enjoy the presentation on the back side of this poem. As for form, it seems to work, I just wasn't sure about the back and forth of caps on "I" or "i" but that is easy to adjust. It is a great piece of work! Good luck in your class. I also just entered a poem in your contest. So, thanks for hosting a contest too!
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daywalker in a dream
this was different but intrigue different, it moved and it had
imagery , a human imagery of the mind and body,,good write,even thought it was strange it was great fiction... -
Visually and Emotionally the best!
I like how you were descriptive in your words and actions in this write, it shows depth in your poem. Feelings and emotions visually aware of what was happening in your poem. I believe I have found a new favourite Poet to read.
Mariannme -
An Italian sonnet...this is good...from what I can tell. I really know nothing of this form...yet i like this..and I feel it is well penned...indeed I like this background too.
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Hey, I think I helped you write that
Wait... we have a poetry class here? Wait... you were in it?
ANYWAY.... The majority of poems (of all skill levels) written give off a very heavy gentle tone, like being in a quiet room with way too much purfume. Usually the only poems who don't have that sort of tone are the very bad ones:
One time I had a cat
she ate a rat
She was nice
she ate rice
Etc, etc. You've managed to pull off a 'stab you in the forhead' sort of tone, without being crappy. Which is fun a lot of the time, and you've kept it a constant the entire way through. Good job (although I'm sure it was all me.
)
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excellent
I like this poem. I reminds me of how I tried to find myself and still am searching. All of us need to find our destiny that God has instore for us. Keep up the good work.
rebekah -
Well done
I know a little about sonnets.
The octet you have rhymed very well, but the sestet could be a little off in the cdcdcd or cdecde. There are some lines which are very good iambic pentameter, eg. the last two.
It is my understanding that in the Italian sonnet, the argument of the sestet undoes the argument of the octet, but I defer to your teacher.
Overall this is a very good telling of story and sentiment, it has very good potential!
Edited on Sep 29, 1:22 p.m. because 'full sentence required!'. -
First of all, I must say that I like the title of the poem. It was really what lured me in to read the poem, secondly the poem rocked! It really captured the desire to leave everything behind and re-discover yourself and the world from scratch.
I don't know much about italian sonnets, so I cannot comment regarding that, but I really think the poem was awesome. Nice write! -
i know nothing of sonnets, and despite the fact this was one, it was amazing.
ah, and next naturally, comes reality.
you find yourself questioning, worrying
signing leases
bills
contracts with satan.
and you find yourself foolish for doing what comes naturally.
or maybe im just a pessimist.
in any case, great write. -
Vell done
I don't know if this is a sonnet Italian or otherwise , but I did like this .I love the back ground .And i thought the term wander lust described the essence of this beautifully . -
*bows*
bravo. form poetry is very difficult, i find, but you seem to have done an excellent job with making it fresh and interesting.. plus.. it's a familiar feeling 
i like.
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This is a good poem, and I love the backround. It gives the poem more touch (not that it needs it but you know wat I mean). Great Job!
~*! Jenny !*~ -
wow, confusing but i dont know why i like it...but i do.
nice write.
keep writing.
x-xkatie -
I do not know much of Italian sonnets but I do like this piece very much. The background is great with this piece. It sounds pretty fine to me. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
Much love,
Kristen
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