His shade is drawn from the earth by the light of his daughter’s love,
From deep in the crushing blackness, where he left his broken body,
Free at last from the silence to wander the stars alive!
He lost his footing and fell, in a moment of fatal folly,
Lost below in a mineshaft where no-one could hear his cries
From deep in the crushing blackness, where he left his broken body.
In time they found his remains; they had ferreted many days;
His carcass was raised from darkness, but his ghost remained enshrouded,
Lost below in a mineshaft where no-one could hear his cries.
He stirred in motionless airs while his loved ones were left confounded,
Gripped by senseless bereavement; his presence could not be felt;
His carcass was raised from darkness, but his ghost remained enshrouded.
His daughter held to the hope that she one day could reconnect;
She called to him in her longing to in some way touch his spirit,
Gripped by senseless bereavement; his presence could not be felt.
Her sorrow numbed and distressed, as a part of her heart grew frigid,
Held too long in a stasis where time had no way to soothe;
She called to him in her longing to in some way touch his spirit.
We come to find where he died, and the moment she nears his tomb,
The canyon reflects his spirit, a release from dim confusion,
Held too long in a stasis where time had no way to soothe.
And now with a touched amazement, I gaze on their bright reunion;
His shade is drawn from the earth by the light of his daughter’s love;
The canyon reflects his spirit, a release from dim confusion,
Free at last from the silence to wander the stars alive!
Author notes
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
Written September 25th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Something for Everyone by forgotten dream.
400 points, ended October 23, 2004, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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This is it!!!
This is it, you asked I answered. This is the one poem of yours that brings every emotion to me and takes me through every realm... This is my FAVORITE!!!!! -
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Ah yes, this was an interesting write. I'll ponder this and see what elements exist here int his poem that haven't found expression in my more recent poetry.
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it's okay.
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pretty good
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Wow, this was beautiful and the imagery was outstanding. You've brought forth so much of depth in a few lines, so much of emotion...I'm very close to my dad and I will share this with him. This touched the heart. I liked the last 2 lines the most and for a moment felt, I was floating adrift the stars. Please don't ever stop inditing!
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wow. this is a fabulous piece. i really liked the form used - it worked really well. awesome word choice and imagery. beautifully written even though it is a sad story, but it really captures emotion in it. nicely done. thank you for entering, and best of luck in the contest <33
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I really like this form. It works very very well with this poem and subject matter. I'm extremely impressed. Nice work and good luck!
-Kelso -
You're gifted and loaded with talent... this is another masterpiece... story well told... thanx for sharing...
mina -
I'm not familiar with this style, but I liked reading this. You obviously have a rare gift. Beautiful and touching.
Will O.
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Excellent!
You did a great job all around with this piece. It is a great story, told with deep emotion. It is a great poem, in structure, form and imagery. You are obviously very talented... -
speechless
F*****G amazing and wow great imagery and wow this has got to be one of the best peices of poetry i have every read and i love it so good, so good keep writing and keep it up yay! -
Wow moving piece. Very sad but it does keep your attention. I loved it. Keep up the great work!
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Thank you for reminding to love our parents again.
I loved the line:
The canyon reflects his spirit, a release from dim confusion,
Thanks for sharing,
Farzin
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This was a very touching piece. So sad yet beautiful if that is the correct word to use. This piece made me long to reach out to soothe the girl.
Anna -
this is beautiful and evocative in a way that i have no words for...
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Very nice. The repeating lines are used well. It's hardly noticed that the lines repeat. You used them well to continue a different thought. And you told a good story that kept my interest.
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Excellent!
Wow! This is dynamic; such good work. From:sdaldgwg. -
Obviously, you are a skilled poet that has excellent control of story line and technique. Very well done.
Don -
I have to say that I always find your poems quite heavy- or rather I am never in the right frame of mind to appreciate them as fully as I would like. One day when I have tons of energy, I will reserve it for you- just to read your poems! I enjoyed this entire story in this poem. I want to try and write one of these one day.
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nice~
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This is so beautiful. I found it both sad and haunting. The images float up into my mind, and it flows like a song. It seems like there must be some melody awaiting your words to complete it. The end here-- alive!-- is triumphant in its freedom. I've never seen the terzanelle form, and am now eager to learn more about it. Very nice work here!
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I offer belated condolences to Bonnie for the loss of her father and in my next breath offer her a sense of gladness that she was able to return to the site of his tragic death and found a way to "release" the anguish and pain. Such "connections" are often dismissed as poppycock, but I have had such an experience myself, the story of which I will save for another time. I will wait anxiously to hear your follow-up on this. Kind regards and Blessings to you and Bonnie.
Del
Edited on Sep 26, 9:29 p.m. because ''. -
An amazing piece, rather sad- I rarely read terzanelles but I see you've got quite a passion for them which is great since it shows you've got an established style. This was a wonderful poem, so perfectly written- thanks for commenting on my poem
Keep writing- this was perfect
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This is a really amazing piece...this is actually the first time I've read a terzanelle, but I am very much a fan. You have really made ths piece flow...kudos
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actually this is about the death of bonnie's father and an experience we had together. we had two different experiences actually, but this is written from my perspective as seen from the ridge of the canyon. the poem about her experience will come later once i've learned enough about it to find a verbal representation for it. her father died while exploring some abandoned mines in nevada. the group of friends he was with at the time were apparently all out doing different things at the time he was exploring a particular mine alone (always a no-no for potentially dangerous activities). he turned up missing that evening and it took close to three weeks for his body to be found in the mine. it is guessed that he lost his footing while going by a very, very, very deep ventalation shaft in one of the tunnels, and he fell down the shaft and landed on a ledge. it is not known if he lived for any length of time once landing on the ledge. chances are he did live for a little while, but no-one's going to make it two weeks without water under such circumstances... however, the coraner reports his death occurred not long after the fall, if not instantaneously. at the very least, there was probably enough internal injury to prevent him from having to die of thirst, which i understand is terribly unpleasent.
bonnie never got to see the body, and she never got to visit the site of his death. we took a drive out to nevada to find out exactly where it happened (this took a few days of research with the local records) and then we went up to the mine. the old copper mine was a very large, extensive system of tunnels and shafts. about five years after the death of bonnie's father, the local government laid charges throughout the mine system and detonated them, collapsing the network of tunnels and shafts into a pretty deep canyon that looks like a giant rift along the side of the mountain that had been plowed in by an enormous trowel.
i have a sensitivity to subtle beings, hence my animistic poetry. when we reached the canyon, i walked down into it while bonnie held the dog and i told her there was something there. i went up to hold her dog and she went down into the canyon. as i watched her go to the deepest possible location in the canyon where a boulder hid my view of her, the entire canyon reflected a white-yellow light, brilliantly, three distinct times. the reflection was such that there were no shaded regions, giving me the impression that the light source being reflected would have to have come from the middle of the canyon, and there was nothing that i could see to cause the reflection.
bonnie stayed down there out of view for close to an hour. she reconnected with him, and he was freed from that location. my guess is that she is the first and only member of the family to go to this particular location, especially since the mine was sealed.
i've never seen anything like it. she has read this and now she wants me to write another poem that captures her experience, which is far more dramatic than just seeing some light reflected from the walls of the canyon. i'll do this for her at some point. the inspiration needs to come naturally, but i'll get her to write about it so i have some solid references to draw from.
by the way, silly, i couldn't possibly take offense to your thoughts. i enjoy your thoughts, however they land, especially since i see you as being benevolently minded.
by the way, you may find it interesting that i chose the title of this piece, "The Release", after a poem of Robert Service's. his poem uses metaphor to discuss the idea of the spirit being released in the fashion described here. If you do a search at google for the following:
"The Release" "Robert Service"
you'll see a list of links to this particular poem.
Edited on Sep 27, 5:30 because ''. -
Hello Erin,
I have heard some interesting twists on the tale of the "fourty-niner" who lost his daughter to a similair tragedy due to his crushing love. This retelling of the "Clementine" misfortune with a subtle twist is well done and if it relates to an actual event you have been personally involved with, I hope my take on it is in no way offensive. Just the way I read and decipher this one. It is a well constructed piece of work and one with vivid imagery.
Regards,
Del -
I like this form for its ability to let one tell a story; it takes thought to make each stanza work, and each revolving line work within the next stanza.
You do that really well. I swear, sometimes I feel a hint of desire to write as you write.
This was very good. I enjoyed it immensely! I've read it four separate times now, I believe. Rest assured I will read it again. -
Stunning
I think this is my favourite poem I've read by you. The words flow effortlessly from rhyme to refrain. It's absolutely gorgeous. Such a sad, yet happy tale.
~Bezoar -
Erin, this is a very sad poem. The images are so real that made shiver. So much pain you put on those lines, and only the last stanza brought some light up to ease the sorrow.
An excellent poem!
Mari
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beautiful
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This is the first time I've come across Terzanelle... the format seems more like a villenelle... like always your work reflect how talented you're...
mina
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