Lines etched on a page
each jagged edge unrehearsed
framed by the unwillingness
of its crumpled dimensions
it surrenders tattered and torn…
Last remnants
of a time I’d rather forget
but for some strange reason
just won’t let me completely go
this is your residue to me.
Dare I complain of freedom?
an unlikely submission of relief
but on the flipside,
my mind races with discontent
as I try to decipher
the meaning of why
you and I are no longer
one breath…
I exhale trembling at reality
passing on your residue for me.
Tears envelop my face unable to cope
with the misgivings of last night,
I entertain myself
with delusional thoughts at this
stolen dream indulged-
Insatiable cruelty
tolerable only to yesterday.
Your senseless chatter
paves my way of why you hold this ache
on paper as your residue of me.
Author notes
"The best things in life are hidden away"
Written September 24th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Favourite Poems by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended February 2, 2005, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Three Pre-writes by piccola.
800 points, ended November 27, 2008, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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"you and I are no longer one breath" that is a wonderful line. It says so much and almost steals my breath away. thank you for entering.
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Oh wow! This is amazing! I am speechless. You did such a great job on this. Thanks for entering. Keep up the great work and best of luck to you in the contest. Take care!
~Cherie -
Fringed with longing
A moving poem, fringed with sadness, as if the pen was dipped in the ink of longing. I liked the repeating of "residue" - it added to the emotional impact of the poem and emphasized the heartbreak. Lovely write....good luck in the contest and take care!
~ Nicolette
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sigh very sad tore my heart up. I thought it was very well written. I love the background!!!!
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beautiful images of heartbreaking times. with this poem i feel you relate to anyone whos ever loved and lost. the saddness is overwhelming. i enjoyed the background as well, very unique ideas here. loved the whole thing! take care, now
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An amazing write. Poetry is the residue of our feelings that we just can't explain any other way. The hurt goes from our hearts to the page and the ink absorbs a little of it. If it didn't we wouldn't write, would we? Bravo!
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a great piece
for any of us lucky enough to survive multiple loves . .this residue, although never completely gone, lingers like a glimmer of something unquantifiable
well done
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I'm glad I can touch people in so many ways through situations that are brought to my attention, bringing a new understanding of how each piece can mean so much for someone in a completely different way...I'd be honored to be on your favs...it keeps pushing me to write faster!
Take care
Mozaic
Edited on Sep 26, 11:39 because ''. -
TY...in all ways, sailing across the ocean...it really touches my heart to know how far my words drifts all the way across the world to reach you-much love for much support!
ate 'Mo' -
I adore this poem. Actually, it carries double meaning for me, because when I read it I didnt think of a lost lost. I thought of my graduation, in which one of the valedictorians (we had 5 of them) said that she thought that when we are friends with someone a little piece of them rubs off onto us, and we carry it with us for the rest of our lives. I think that that is doubly true for someone whom we love tremendously. Anyway, sorry to chat your ear off, you are a very talented poet, and I dont know why I dont already have you on my favs! Take care!
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I guess this is one big reason why i should be loyal to our flag because I have "kababayan" like you and I'm proud to tell the whole world that you're one great poet!
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Wow can everyone relate to this or what...why do those heartbreaks that hurt the most stick around the most? And isn't it funny how such pain comes out in such beautiful writing....great job!
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your use of vocabulary is amazing. the backround really adds depth to the words. awesome write..its really touching..sarah
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whenever i come across an old love letter saved for whatever reason all these years, and read the words that once took my breath away again, and grow melancholic over what was, and what is and what could have been, i ponder on her whereabouts, and if she's as happy as we were, in our innocent youth, stumbling and fumbling through first kisses and passion unfolding like one of those triangular notes.....we used to pass, and then I realize that she left a mark in my life
that still haunts me, and perhaps she to is marked by love long since gone but never forgotten....when we love, we etch our feelings into the walls of anothers soul, leaving a tiny monument to a time that was so wonderful to recall...Artis -
i like it a lot its very beautifully written. it made me pretty sad actually. i loved the imagery and all. im sorry that this is such a bad comment but my mind is such a mess that its hard to put a productive thought down anymore. you should know that i did love this and i can see that youre an extremely talented writer. keep up the great work and best of luck in the contest.
-cole xo- -
*gawks at cutepies comment* My dear, this is BEAUTIFULLY and GORGEOUSLY written. Don't you dare think otherwise. This is a masterpiece. Publish it! I'm promoting it. I love it! <33333333
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I guess we have the same in common-or at least I'm glad I can hit personal notes with people...it keeps me on the right track in tune with feelings...thanks for taking the time to read-I do appreciate your kind words!
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Thanks Push...good looking out, I'll do the same and check your stuff out as well!
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Thanks...every comment means alot...this was a great idea for a contest and hope you get more interesting entries based on your unique choice of topics-sure got my attention!
Mozaic
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Hey Friend:
WOW! This is a nice write. I wish you all of the best of luck in the contest. And who knows who will win. Mayb you?
Thank you for entering
Real Freedom -
Residue....perfect description of that stuff that just clings....even after several washings! How long do we linger within traces of memories? How long do we cling to only words on a page to remember lost love? This was such a beautiful expression of lost love. I am impressed with your imagry and word choice and pretty much everything about this piece. Well done and good luck, although talent is much on your side with this one!
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This was beautifully sad. Nice choice of words, great flow, very eloquent. Nice write.
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This is really awesome! I LOVE the part:
Last remnants
of a time I’d rather forget
but for some strange reason
just won’t let me completely go
I like that because I find it difficult to let go of things...anything...lol...I keep and remember every little thing...it's terrible...to that rang pretty true...woohoo for you eh? Yeah...great job -
This is great poem. Wonderfully writtin. Great flow and word choice. I can easily relate to this feelings. Keep writing this is really good. Good luck in the contest.
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Beautifully written, no, over expansive dialog. Good luck in the contest
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Lots of very nice imagery.
It Well spelt and presented.
There was some great use of english.
No mush, makes a great job of conveying.
Well worth the promotion.
Realism with imagery. Good job.
Bet you're a man too.
Can't tell from your page
(I'm probably wrong there) lol -
9/10
I love it, its very well written and different to how most poems on this site are I particularly like:Tears envelop my face unable to cope
with the misgivings of last night,
I entertain myself
with delusional thoughts at this
stolen dream indulged-
Insatiable cruelty
tolerable only to yesterday.
Your senseless chatter
paves my way of why you hold this ache
on paper as your residue of me.
Because it seems like exceptance (however unwilling)
great work (pusher)
P.s ill look out for more of your work
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good
i just really like your diction here. the words are chosen so well to go with the tone and it all just clashes. keep writing.
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1 - 28 of 28
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