Let me paint a picture
of a young a hopeful girl
whose eyes are full of innocence,
whose hair is full of curls.
She tried so hard to be
the girl they all adored
and in the hearts of those held close
her kindness struck a chord.
Her faith was strong and sure
and her beliefs, without a doubt
she never waivered because she knew
what eternity was all about.
In childhood she was loved
and looked upon by most,
but when she hit her teenage years
to the same she was a ghost.
Her friends weren't friends at all
and her parents just weren't there
in her mind the thoughts crept in like theives
as to whether they really cared.
The once unmovable faith
that in her youth she found
fierce attacks came from every side
which razed it to the ground.
So here she's left without
and by herself to deal.
Should she do something completely absurd
just to see if she can feel?
Here she sits alone
pondering the problem of life
where and when did she change her mind
from bliss to this hellish strife?
Should she test the waters
or turn on a dime
is she so sure of what comes next
and shorten her life's short time?
Or should she swap it all
her mind her will her grief
should she try to seek the truth
and find that sweet relief?
Yes, This story is a fable
but the words ring loud and true
the conflict may be dwelling within
the very likes of you.
Author notes
Written September 24th, 2004
A contest entry
- Anything is Everything by EgyptianEyez.
302 points, ended October 10, 2004, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very nicely done...I concur with onerios absolutely. As a fellow victim of disillusionment, I salute you
~Blake -
This was a seriously sobering piece, and I loved how you were able to weave it from the very beginning, offering a picture of hope and promise and then spiraling it down to despair...and then add on the twist of saying, hey, this could happen to ANYONE...as it frequently and unfortunately does. The only flaw I can say is that there is pockets of forcedness in the rhythm, giving it a slightly choppy feel, but other than that, it was a powerful and profound piece. Excellent job.
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man, i have to admit i enjoyed this one, i don't even know how to describe it, amazing piece, so this is the "flow" you're talking about, cool!
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Exquisite Write!!!
(sp: 'thieves')
Beautiful write, Poet...amazing word choices & rhyme scheme...the flow is pure & sweet...very well written...& again, I welcome you to this wondrous place...happy you had so many comments already...impressive, Poet!!! Well done... 
Wanda
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Beautiful write. Trust me man, I know that feeling. Sadly, I still know the feeling. Check out my "Hidden Conflict" one, I'm sure we can relate some. Good writes man, keep it up.
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magnificent
the teen years!! confuseing,painful and emotionally
devatstating. the need to fit in yet never feeling as though you belong.the search for self and your place in life, the mostly self imposed unreal expections as though they must be there by midnite. under the best of circumstances it is a wonder of wonders so many make it through, super super job.
great flow and rythm. easy read. very good indeed
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GOOD
When you turn on a dime cause the world is ugly , you really dont realise how ugly it can get .well written thought provoking -
wow, this is just.....i don't even have the words. This got me all teary! lol, seriously tho, I can definitly relate with this....its kind of strange how well. Once again, an awesome write my friend.
sweetdemise
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The ending was perfect. Displays the ups and downs of ones girl life and then you turn it around and say that she could be any single one of us. It's something we can all find ways to relate to, and you wrote it with an innocence that is hard to find. Very well done.
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Aww...this poem was so beautiful. I loved everything about it from the emotion to the point it protrayed. Wonderful job on this piece...congratulations on a well done job. Keep up the good writing and good luck on other pieces of poetry that you might write in the near future.
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you have a cool style with your writing. it has a very...storyteller to character feel to it. ya know? lol. your rhyming is nearly flawless too. i like how it ends. it gives a moral or lesson to the story, so ppl come away with something. very nice.
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That OF Should be Have..how it became of, I have no idea.. ...
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Gah!! This poem has so much truth and feeling in it. I know I've felt that way before. And I'm sure many others of. Your youth just isn't the same anymore. You change once you hit teenage years. It's as if you feel so much more..Or so much less. Either you're smack dab in the middle of a stone avalanche of pain, or you're floating on a grey rain cloud, that makes you feel as if you're floating, but doesn't really protect you. I hope that makes SOME kind of sense. WELL DONE!
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GREATPOEMONLIFE
Great words of seaching soul..just needing to be loved..unfortunatly sometimes friends become preditory when they become teenagers because of rivalry..this poem seems to demonstrate this..yet true friendship will come as well -
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! This write has an awesome flow and great rhyming going on in this write too. Great job!!!!! Hope to see more poems soon.
PsychoFreak aka Jazarae
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