Daughter, I feel your tempered pain,
for I was once a child.
I once raged as well as you do,
that this stranger, the future,
stands so remote.
And as I see you now,
this crucifix at your throat
that dulls the heavy prayer you're humming,
this thing to us, to you, to me,
this thing will only be a second coming.
Author notes
Its a play on words.
Written September 22nd, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Thank you for your comment on my poem, and you're right it doesn't really fit the generic definition of poetry. I was just feeling blah and decided to write the way my roommates and I have felt the past couple of days. I liked your poem a lot,I though it was written wonderfully. It was very deep and very forward, but not "hey, I'm right and you're wrong." Well done!
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woopsie
sorry
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Welll, Im very glad NBF that you thought that the poem was 'frought with true feelings' because, as a poet, I was putting myself in somebody else's position. Im actually a 17 year old guy with no kids (thankfully - not Quite just yet). Cheers.
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strong writing
When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people:
those who let it happen, those who make it happen,
and those who wonder what will happen.
I too, take your poem literally. I would like to think you are
talking to a daughter who is doing what daughters do. [I have
two - teenagers - so I know]. And I also remember when I was the
daughter afraid of the future and thinking I knew everything.
Your writing is strong and senstive. You say a great deal in a
few words. I'm not too sure about the last lines, they confuse
me a little, but that does not detract from the overall beauty
of your writing.
I wish you all your heart desires and a
to bring you joy.
Best ~ crisstiena
Edited on Nov 08, 4:26 p.m. because ''. -
Yes... the future is a very dark and very scary place. As much as I hate to admit it... and as much as I have been taught against it... Hopefully Jesus is centered around that/there but yea…
It makes me see different sides to things, but in ways that I understand. It's weird inspiring. It helps me understand and accept other people... -
excellent poem
i like this poem alot,it's creative and different,and frought with true feelings!!! all in all,i'd say great job,keep expressing yourself this way,cause it is fabulous!!! you are quite a fantastic writer!!! and if you can't understand what i mean,i mean you did a great job,and you rock,clear enough,i hope so,lol nbf 
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I like this. It's very emotionally in depth. Whether taken literally or figuratively it's beautiful. I took it literally, and was reminded of a mother talking to her daughter; quite possibly, a rebellious daughter who at the same time is scared to death of the future. I could be wrong, of course, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I thought this was an excellent write.
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Great job!!! I like the use of your language.. It flowed so well...
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I love the play on words I really do! I love your use of language...and it flows off the tongue so easily. Short...but very full! I really enjoyed this piece! Keep up the great work! Keep on penning!
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i love the ambiguity of the poem, most of all the albiguity of the speaker. It is unclear whether Daughter is used literally or emphatically, but that adds a sense of mystery. The sentiments, however, are beautiful; the fear of the future &the uncertainty of life, of all life. As usual, you've produced a polished &well-voiced poem. xxx
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*bows*
wow. i don't think it needs to be longer at all. i read it three times and was still going. ahhh. yes. i love it. it feel familiar, and that touches me, but even better it does actually give me a feeling of hope, which is very impressive. im sick so im not making as much sense as i would like, but hopefully i got across how great i think this is.
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