Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I've painted him



I’ve captured him in bisque and beige

With buff and taupe highlights;

Duvet - draped across his hips

Hinting at concealed delights.


He lies upon the bed

Stubble shadowed on his chin.

The flash deep in his eyes

Says he’s thinking about sin.


The early morning light

Spills warmly o’er his form

Caressing - clefts and hollows

In the room that they transform.


Limp white sheets lay scattered

Rumpled - on the floor.

Long fingers lightly touch his thigh

Waiting to explore.


You can barely see my silhouette

As I stand, just out of view.

But you know that I just left him

For he’s bathed in passion’s dew.


The walls are painted red

Reminding me of fire

They stimulate the senses

And fan our vast desire.


I’ve captured him - immortal

In this moment built a shrine

A painting of the perfect man

Love - saturates each line. 




Patricia Gibson-Williams

September 22, 2004

Author notes

This is the picture I have in my head, my Joe waiting to reach for me again.
Written September 22nd, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • sanity
    September 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I completely agree, which is why you won the gold........Congratulations........

    sanity


  • Ashley Bright silver member
    September 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    indeed this Gold was well deserved
    a most beautiful and wonderful pen
    you've painted these words on my mind
    ....even more so than a photograph could do
    well done

    ashes~


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    September 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Such beauty in this piece. Love's painting and yes you did leave it open enough for others to add the features of their own perfect man. I certainly had a picture in my mind. Very well written. Nice job on this.

    ~Lyrical


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    September 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm glad that you pictured yourself in my painting. When I began writing it I had a vivid picture if Joe in my mind; however as I began to describe him I decided that I didn’t want to set his features too firmly… I wanted instead to suggest the power of the emotion that evokes, his inner self. I also realized that this would leave the viewer free to add the features of her “perfect man” and therefore picture herself in my painting. I’m glad that in your case I succeeded; to me that is one of the most important things about writing is to get the reader so involved that they feel immersed in your work for at least a few seconds. ~ Patti ~

  • Catatonic-Composure
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    impressive

    whoa that was very impressive, i like it very much. bravo.


  • Wolf of Night
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Ok I am breathless now! WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing image you painted in my head sends those climatic chils down my spine. PURRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Beutiful Simple words and my favorite part is "For he’s bathed in passion’s dew" this captures the moment perfectly thank you for sharing the wonderful piece!


  • pulsating
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Jeez louise your poems always make me very very emotional. The first one i read of yours and now this. Absolutely stunning work. , Olivia

  • sanity
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is so sensual, it is almost erotic, having the picture of the perfect man in your head, I think we all have that. The scene is set, the night would be young... I have to calm down now, this is wonderfully painted, you do realise that was me there not you, it was my vision..lol Exquisitely written, thanks for sharing

    take care

    sanity


  • elisabeth0129
    September 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was such a beautiful and sensual piece. You did an incredible job. The imagery was great. You did an amazing job. The last stanza was honestly breath taking. These lines
    "The walls are painted red
    Reminding me of fire
    They stimulate the senses
    And fan our vast desire."
    Just stuck in my mind. Great job. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece.

    Elisabeth

1 - 9 of 9